ON SAT, 11 NOV 1995, ANOTHER TENTACLE WROTE:
> > JEFF, I THINK IT'S IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME
> >RESPONDING TO THIS MORON (WHO BEARS MANY FEATURES IN COMMON WITH
> >DETWEILER)
>
> EXCEPT FOR HIS ESTEEMED "CREDENTIALS", OF COURSE...
CREDENTIALS??!!?? WHAT CREDENTIALS?? 'YOU WANNA HEAR, SOME STINKING
CREEEDENTIALS, BEFORE YOU SMELL THAT SOMETHING IS ROTTEN IN DENMARK,
EH?
RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE ... AND IT AIN'T NO LIMBURGER.
YOU DON'T NEED NO CREDENTIALS TO DO THAT. THE STENCH IS PRETTY
OVERWHELMING. IT'S MORE THAN A LITTLE RIPE ...
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR HOW I USED TO BOOK LARGE BLOCKS OF TIME ON THE
TRS-80 IN THE HIGH SCHOOL PHYSICS LAB, WHILE DEBATING QUANTUM PHYSICS
WITH MY OLD FRIEND, TREV, THE GUY WHO BECAME A RHODES SCHOLAR??
WOULD THESE CREDENTIALS HELP YOU SMELL A RAT??
MAYBE YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I OUTGREW RACK SHACK WHILE IN HIGH
SCHOOL AND MOVED FORWARD TO PLAYING ADVENTURE ON THE CHEMICAL
ENGINEERING VAX, READING NEWS ON THE DECWRITER, ASKING ALIZA FOR
ADVICE, AND DISCOVERING MULTICS, ALL WHILE IGNORING MY HIGH SCHOOL
STUDIES.
ARE ANY OF THESE CREDENTIALS GONNA MAKE YOU BELIEVE??
IT'S ALL JUST ANCIENT HISTORY. PAST PERFORMANCE. YOU CAN'T RELY
ON IT, OR DEMAND CREDENTIALS IF YOU WANT ORIGINALITY AND CREATIVITY.
PAST PERFORMANCE MEANS NOTHING. IT'S NOT AN INDICATOR OF FUTURE
PERFORMANCE. (BUT, DECWRITER'S WERE A CRACKER'S DREAM WITH THEIR
PASSWORD OVERSTRIKE ... HE ... HE ... HE ... ESPECIALLY WHEN PEOPLE
CONNECTED A DECWRITER TO MULTICS. WON'T TALK ABOUT BRINGING DEVELNET
DOWN, WITH A SINGLE CTRL-G, EITHER.)
IS THIS WHATCHYA WANT?? OR DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I WAS
"RECRUITED"?? OF WHAT BROUGHT ME HERE, RECENTLY. THAT'S A LONG
STORY. ONE WHERE I HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY THE LOCAL HOMETOWN CHIEF OF
POLICE RESIGNED WITHOUT A REPLACEMENT. AND OF THE VOTE OF NON
CONFIDENCE IN THE DEPARTMENT BY THE COMMISSION, AND OF CRIME-STOPPERS
AND THEIR SUPPOSED ANONYMITY AND OF A MURDER INVESTIGATION GONE
SIDEWAYS AND WHY WE NOW HAVE A BRAND SPANKING NEW CHIEF OF POLICE.
A REAL CUTEY, TOO!! MIGHT EVEN EXPLAIN WHY THE PARTY LINE.
MAYBE YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT SOME OF THE NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY RESEARCH
THAT WAS HAPPENING WAAAAY, WAAAY BACK WHEN ... LIKE MAYBE, A COUPLE
OF RECOMBINANT DNA EXPERIMENTS I WAS ASSISTING WITH WHEN I WAS FIFTEEN
... MAYBE EVEN THE EXPERIMENTS THAT LEAD TO AN UNSCHEDULED RELEASE OF
BIO-ACTIVE MATERIAL??
OOPS ... E. COLI, EH?
NAAAH, WE'LL ALL SHADDUP 'BOUT ALL THAT. BUT I WONDER WHAT THAT
MULTICS WAS DOING IN SOME FOREIGN COUNTRY. YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT THAT
ITAR OR SOMESUCH WOULD HAVE PREVENTED THE EXPORT TO A BUNCHA
FOREIGNERS, NO??
NO.
WE'RE CANADIEN, EH?? WE'RE JUST LIKE YANKEES, CEPT WE WEAR TOQUES AND
PLAY HOCKEY ... AND WE'LL JUST ROLL OVER AND CEDE OUR OURSELVES TO
THAT SOUTHERN ELEPHANT THAT WE LIVE RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO.
PHOOEY.
MAYBE YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AFTER I MOVED FROM THE
DANGEROUS BIOLOGICAL AND PHYSICAL SCIENCES TO SOMETHING BENIGN, LIKE
COMPUTERS AND NETWORKS. WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE NON-SCHEDULED RELEASE
OF BIO-ACTIVE MATERIAL, OF HOW I INITIALLY GOT INTRO'D.
MAYBE THAT'LL HELP YOU SMELL THE SMOKE??
OK ... IF IT'LL HELP, 1'LL TELL YOU STUFF 'BOUT ME, SO YOU CAN JUDGE
MY "SO CALLED" CREDENTIALS ...
FROM AGE FIFTEEN, AFTER THE UNSCHEDULED RELEASE, I WAS "MENTORRED" BY
ONE OF THE TOP SECURITY EXPERTS, ONE OF THE BEST OF THE FIELD, A MAN
WHO I STILL HAVE THE UTMOST RESPECT FOR AND SOMEONE WHO I AM
UNFORTUNATELY NOT ANY LONGER IN CONTACT WITH. SOMEONE WHO IN SOME
WEIRD AND WARPED WAY IS ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING IT ALL HAPPEN.
(BUT THEN AGAIN, HE WENT TO THE BRONX SCHOOL OF SCIENCE ... I THINK)
AND THAT EXPLAINS NOTHING AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME.
(HE'S PRETTY BALD NOW, TOO ... GUESS I DIDN'T JUST MAKE HIS HAIR GREY,
HE PROBABLY ENDED UP TEARING MOST OF IT OUT BY THE HANDFUL.)
OOPS, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT ...
ANY MORE CLUES??
HMMM, HOW ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AFTER DROPPING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL WHEN I
WAS SEVENTEEN AND LEAVING THE VAX AND MULTICS AND PUNCHED CARDS BEHIND
AND GOING TO WORK ON THE FIRST NCR IMPLEMENTATION OF DEBIT CARDS AND
THE CREATION OF THE FIRST ATM NETWORK.
WOULD THAT HELP?? IMPLEMENTATION OF AN OFFLINE NON-NETWORKED ATM
NETWORK? I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE A CASH REGISTER COMPANY MIGHT HAVE
WORKED ON E-CASH BACK IN THE LATE SEVENTIES AND EARLY EIGHTIES,
OR SOMETHING.
OOPS, MORE CLUES ... GOTTA STOP POSTING THOSE CLUES ...
(IF I KEEPA POSTING CLUES, THEY MIGHT FIGURE OUT THAT ALL PUBLIC
INFORMATION IS INHERENTLY DISINFORMATION, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.)
OK ... HOW 'BOUT THIS ... HOW ABOUT WHEN I TRIED TO RUN FOR THE DOORS
WHEN THE PROJECT ABANDONNED NCR FOR THE ATM NETWORK AND EXPECTED MOI
TO LEARN CICS AND JCL.
HEE-BEE JEE-BEES ... JCL ... <SHUDDER>
IT'S ENOUGH FOR ANYONE TO RUN FOR THE DOORS. LEFT MY OWN PERSONAL
LITTLE MINI AT MY DESK, MY OWN LITTLE FIEFDOM, IN THE CAPABLE HANDS OF
A COUPLE OF TECHIES AND LEFT THE BIG BLUE CONVERSION IN THE
SEMI-CAPABLE HANDS OF SOME ASSOCIATES FROM DMR (I THINK), AND GOT THE
HECK OUTTA THE FIELD.
SORTA ... KINDA ...
IS THIS GONNA MAKE YOU BELIEVE THAT THE VODKA IS FLOWING, BUT THE MEAT
IS ROTTEN?? PROBABLY NOT.
IS IT GONNA MAKE YOU STOP HOLDING YOUR NOSE?? COLOUR ME, DOUBTFUL.
LET'S JUST SAY THAT I TIRED OF THE NONSENSE AND TOOK A BREATHER.
MAYBE IT WAS THAT FATEFUL DAY WHEN MANAGEMENT QUESTIONED WHY I HADN'T
SHAVED FOR THE MORNING MANAGEMENT BRIEFING -- THE MORNING MEETING WITH
THE DOUGHNUTS, BRIGHT AND EARLY AT EIGHT.
I HAD THE TEMERITY TO APPEAR HALF-SHAVEN AND HALF-BAKED AFTER
HANDHOLDING THE NETWORK THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, THE DAY, AND ANOTHER
NIGHT. I WAS SPACED AND MESSY.
BUT IT WAS A DEFINING MOMENT.
WHILE THOSE CAFETERIA BENCHES MADE GREAT BEDS IN A PINCH, AND WHILE
YOU COULD ALWAYS SPONGE BATH IN THE EXECUTIVE BATHROOM. IT GOT TO BE
OVERWHELMING AFTER A COUPLE OF DAYS AT THE OFFICE.
AND IT WAS MY MISTAKE. MY OVERSIGHT. MAKE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
I SUPPOSE MANAGEMENT WAS RIGHT, NO OFFICE EMPLOYEE SHOULD EVER STUMBLE
UPON CRO-MAGNON MAN STANDING NUDE IN THE JOHN. NO ONE REASONABLY
EXPECTS TO BE CONFRONTED BY DONKEY KONG. ESPECIALLY DURING
STANDARD:DAYLIGHT TIME CONVERSION WHEN MR ROCKET SCIENTIST FORGETS TO
CHANGE A WRISTWATCH AND BARES ALL, THINKING THAT EIGHT IS SEVEN, AND
IS SURPRISED!!
OOPS ...
IS IT REALLY GONNA HELP MY CREDENTIALS ANY, IF I TALK ABOUT BEING
CAUGHT WITH MY PANTS DOWN?? OR EXPLAINING WHY I HADN'T SHAVED FOR THE
MORNING BRIEFING?? OR DE-BRIEFING, AS THE CASE MAY BE.
LET'S JUST SAY THAT I LEFT THE FIELD ...
OR ... MAYBE ... MAYBE ... SOME QUICK DAMAGE CONTROL ... MAYBE, WE HAD
DIFFERING VISIONS OF SYSTEMS -- MANAGEMENT AND I -- YEAH THAT'S THE
TICKET -- MAYBE I "ACCIDENTLY" LEANED AGAINST THE WALL AFTER
MANAGEMENT IMPLEMENTED THEIR OWN DRESS POLICY ... I MEAN HOW DANGEROUS
COULD AN IMPLEMENTED DRESS POLICY BE??
"IT'S ONLY A DRESS POLICY," THEY SAID.
I SUPPOSE THE SUGGESTION THAT TROUSERS *MUST* BE WORN AT ALL TIMES WAS
REASONABLE ... AND IN HINDSIGHT ... I SUPPOSE I SHOULDN'T HAVE
"ACCIDENTALLY" DUMPED THE HALON WHEN THEY SUGGESTED THAT BOW-TIES WERE
NOT APPROPRIATE CORPORATE ATTIRE AT A FINANCIAL INSTITUTION -- THAT
THEY *SHOULDN'T* BE WORN. THAT WAS ALL OK. I THINK WHAT FINALLY MADE
ME SNAP WAS WHEN THEY SUGGESTED THAT I ... AND EVERYONE ELSE ...
SHOULD NOT ONLY *ALWAYS* WEAR TROUSERS AND *NEVER* BOW-TIES, BUT THAT
WE *MUST* WEAR A "NORMAL" TIE AT ALL TIMES AND BE A GOOD LIL BIO-UNIT.
MAYBE IT WAS THE DIRECT ORDERS TO WEAR ONE OF THOSE FLOPPY DANGLY
THINGS AROUND MY NECK WHEN I WAS AROUND THE LINE PRINTERS ... BEING
ORDERED TO WEAR IT THAT DID IT. OR MAYBE, IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE
ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT.
WHO KNOWS??
BUT THE BOTTOM LINE WAS THAT I WAS OFF TO JOIN THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF
FINANCE AND MANAGEMENT. THE NOOSE HAD WON, I *WOULD* WEAR IT, AND I
COULD KEEP MY PANTS -- AT ALL TIMES -- WHERE THEY TRULY BELONGED.
ARE THESE THE CREDENTIALS, THAT YOU'RE AFTER??
THE ONES THAT WILL MAKE THE WORLD STOP SPINNING, AND SLOW DOWN AND
LISTEN ... WHEN SOMEONE SCREAMS FIRE IN A CROWDED THEATRE? AND ASKS
THAT THE NETWORK BE TAKEN DOWN FOR SECURITY REASONS? OR,
ALTERNATELY THAT A PARTICULAR INSTALLED CODE BASE BE REMOVED, BECAUSE
IT IS EVIL INCARNATE??
PROBABLY NOT ... IT DOESN'T ADD ANYTHING TO MY PROFILE AT ALL.
MAYBE, WHAT MIGHT HELP IS SOMETHING MORE SIMPLE. AFTER LEAVING THE
BIO-SCIENCES FOR SOMETHING SAFER, AND THEN THE COMPUTER SCIENCES, AND
THEN ULTIMATELY LEAVING FINANCE AND MANAGEMENT. WHAT WAS LEFT FOR A
BIOUNIT TO DO.
BUT THAT WOULD LEAD TO THE STORY OF HOW -- THANKS TO SOME POLISH
MATHEMATICIAN -- I DRIFTED OVER INTO PURE MATHEMATICS AFTER BECOMING A
SEMI-RETIRED SLUMLORD IN MY EARLY TWENTIES, AND AN OCCASIONAL
CONSULTANT AND FINANCIAL ANALYST WHO HELPED PEOPLE SWAP AND DERIVE
THINGS. A SYSTEMS-DECONSTRUCTIONIST.
RACCONTEUR, BON-VIVANT, AND A RENAISSANCE MAN ARE SOME OF LABELS
HURLED MY WAY IN SCURRILLOUS ATTACKS. FIGHTING WORDS.
AND NOW?? WELL LET'S JUST SAY THAT PURE MATH IS A GREAT HOBBY FOR
ONE OF THOSE GOSH-DARNED INDEPENDANTS.
SURE BEATS STAMP COLLECTING OR COMIC BOOKS.
EXCEPT FOR THAT SCOTT ADAMS GUY ... HE'S A RUSH ... THIS MORNING'S
DILBERT WAS A REAL H00T ... TEN-DOLLAR BONUS FOR BUG-FREE SOFTWARE
... *POSH* ... I MEAN WHERE DOES THIS SCOTT GUY GET HIS MATERIAL??
YAHOO!! AND YIPPEE KI YAY!! I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT.
ALICE IS ACTUALLY SCOTT ADAMS. SOMEONE FINALLY "BROKE THE CODE".
THE CODE: A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT AND A MINI-VAN IN EVERY DRIVEWAY!!!
(GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE ... OR YOU HAD TO READ THIS MORNINGS FUNNY.)
--- LOVE YA ... MEAN IT ... ---
MALICE DE 'MONSTEROUS
...JUST ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE...
...TENTACLES...
P.S. THIS POST IS IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN.
C. S. U. M. O. C. L. U. N. E.
