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Educational cryptanalysis competition (small prize)
by peter.allan＠aeat.co.uk 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Educational Cryptanalysis Competition (opened 17 July 1996) ===================================== Cypherpunks teach. Here's your chance. I have a piece of code I wrote ages ago, before reading Schneier. Despite identifying these points as weaknesses I still cannot break it. weak keys rapid collapse in the case of chosen text attack reduced-round versions have a correlation attack Obviously my crytanalysis needs some serious help. The aim of this competition is: to show how to find AND EXPLOIT weaknesses in this cypher. Answers resembling "That's junk - use XXXXX." score zero. Well-prepared comprehensive answers could score highly. - - Entries will be judged on educational grounds as well as on raw results. - - All entries are placed by the entrant in the public domain, and there may be a compilation of good answers come out of this. (With entrants' names except where they state a prefernce for anonymity. ) - - Entries by teams are allowed. - - The number of entries is unlimited. - - The closing date is 30 Sept 1996. - - The judge is Peter Allan. (me) - - There is one prize (a box of chocolate coffee beans). A full pair of programs using this code can be collected from my mail filter. echo rlprm_2.0 | mail -s send_goodies peter.allan(a)aeat.co.uk Peter Allan peter.allan(a)aeat.co.uk #define RPT 15 #define CRYPT_DEPTH 4 /**********************************/ mkkey(origpass, key) /*** **** The pass (a text string) is used to produce **** a key. Chars used as int. Details in docs. **** 200000 passwords all gave different keys in my test. ***/ char origpass[9]; unsigned char key[8]; { char clearpass[9]; int i, j, k, l, m, ten; /*** make the key from the clearpass ***/ /*** unsigned char[8] from char[9] ***/ ten = FALSE; k = l = m = 0; strcpy(clearpass, origpass); for (i = 0; i < 8; i++) { if (clearpass[i] == '\n') ten = TRUE; if (ten) clearpass[i] = '\0'; } clearpass[8] = '\0'; for (i = 0; i < 8; i++) key[i] = (unsigned char) i; for (j = 1; j < 256; j++) { for (i = 0; i < 8; i++) key[i] = key[i] + clearpass[i] + j; /* swap bytes */ k = key[j % 8] % 8; l = key[k] % 8; m = key[k]; key[k] = key[l]; key[l] = m; /** this loop is redundant if chars are 8 bits *** and for all I know they are everywhere **/ for (i = 0; i < 8; i++) key[i] = key[i] % 256; m = m % 8; key[m] = 256 - key[m]; } /**** for (i = 0; i < 8; i++) printf("%d ", key[i]); puts(" "); ****/ } /**********************************/ sym_encrypt(abpos, key, authbuf, cipherbuf) int abpos; unsigned char key[8]; unsigned char authbuf[ABLEN]; unsigned char cipherbuf[MESSLEN]; { int i, j, k, ptr1, ptr2, rpt; int ka1, ka2, kk; unsigned char smoke[CRYPT_DEPTH][8]; unsigned char tmp; /*** **** From the key, make a set of keys to **** be used in order. ***/ for (j = 0; j < 8; j++) smoke[0][j] = key[j]; for (i = 1; i < CRYPT_DEPTH; i++) { for (j = 0; j < 8; j++) smoke[i][j] = smoke[i - 1][j]; for (j = 0; j < 8; j++) { if (j % 2) { smoke[i][j] = (smoke[i][j]) * 3; } else { smoke[i][j] = ((smoke[i][j]) * 3) / 4; } } } #ifndef NOCRYPT /*** **** see the tech waffle file for details ***/ for (rpt = RPT; rpt; rpt--) { if (cl_debug) printf("encryption repeat count is %d \n", rpt); for (i = 0; i < CRYPT_DEPTH; i++) { /**swap driven by values **/ for (k = 0; k < abpos - 1; k += 2) { kk = authbuf[k] ^ authbuf[k + 1]; ka1 = kk / 16; ka2 = kk % 16; kk = ka1 ^ ka2; if ((kk == 1) || (kk == 2) || (kk == 4) || (kk == 8) || (kk == 14) || (kk == 13) || (kk == 11) || (kk == 7)) { kk = authbuf[k]; authbuf[k] = authbuf[k + 1]; authbuf[k + 1] = kk; } } /** xor with key **/ for (k = 0; k < abpos; k++) authbuf[k] ^= (key[k % 8]); /**rotation **/ kk = authbuf[abpos - 1] / 32; ka1 = 0; for (k = 0; k < abpos; k++) { ka2 = authbuf[k] / 32; authbuf[k] = (authbuf[k] * 8) + ka1; ka1 = ka2; } authbuf[0] += kk; /**swap driven by key **/ if (cl_debug) printf(" depth is %d \n", i); for (j = 0; j < 8; j = j + 2) { ptr1 = smoke[i][j] % abpos; ptr2 = smoke[i][j + 1] % abpos; tmp = authbuf[ptr1]; authbuf[ptr1] = authbuf[ptr2]; authbuf[ptr2] = tmp; } } } #endif /*** Now that it has been encrypted it should **** be stored as 'hexabetical' [A-P]. ***/ for (i = 0; i < abpos; i++) { cipherbuf[i * 2] = (authbuf[i] % 16) + 'A'; cipherbuf[i * 2 + 1] = (authbuf[i] / 16) + 'A'; } cipherbuf[abpos * 2] = '\0'; } /********************************/ sym_decrypt(abpos, key, authbuf, cipherbuf) int abpos; unsigned char key[8]; unsigned char authbuf[ABLEN]; unsigned char cipherbuf[MESSLEN]; { int i, j, k, ptr1, ptr2, rpt; int ka1, ka2, kk; unsigned char smoke[CRYPT_DEPTH][8]; unsigned char tmp; for (i = 0; cipherbuf[i]; i = i + 2) { cipherbuf[i] = cipherbuf[i] - 'A'; cipherbuf[i + 1] = cipherbuf[i + 1] - 'A'; authbuf[i / 2] = cipherbuf[i] + cipherbuf[i + 1] * 16; } /*** **** From the key, make a set of keys to **** be used in order. ***/ for (j = 0; j < 8; j++) smoke[0][j] = key[j]; for (i = 1; i < CRYPT_DEPTH; i++) { for (j = 0; j < 8; j++) smoke[i][j] = smoke[i - 1][j]; for (j = 0; j < 8; j++) { if (j % 2) { smoke[i][j] = smoke[i][j] * 3; } else { smoke[i][j] = (smoke[i][j] * 3) / 4; } } } #ifndef NOCRYPT /*** **** repeat suitable number of times: **** first swap bytes in the authbuf **** then cycle bits round to prevent some swaps undoing others ***/ if (abpos == 0) return RUBBISH; /** zerodivide detected-avoided **/ for (rpt = RPT; rpt; rpt--) { /* printf("encryption repeat count is %d \n", rpt); */ for (i = CRYPT_DEPTH - 1; i > -1; i--) { for (j = 6; j > -1; j = j - 2) { /*** key-driven swap ***/ ptr1 = smoke[i][j] % abpos; ptr2 = smoke[i][j + 1] % abpos; tmp = authbuf[ptr1]; authbuf[ptr1] = authbuf[ptr2]; authbuf[ptr2] = tmp; } /**rotation **/ kk = authbuf[0] % 8; ka1 = 0; for (k = abpos - 1; k >= 0; k--) { ka2 = authbuf[k] % 8; authbuf[k] = (authbuf[k] / 8) + ka1; ka1 = ka2 * 32; } authbuf[abpos - 1] += (kk * 32); /** xor with key **/ for (k = 0; k < abpos; k++) authbuf[k] ^= (key[k % 8]); /*** value-driven swap ***/ for (k = 0; k < abpos - 1; k += 2) { kk = authbuf[k] ^ authbuf[k + 1]; ka1 = kk / 16; ka2 = kk % 16; kk = ka1 ^ ka2; if ((kk == 1) || (kk == 2) || (kk == 4) || (kk == 8) || (kk == 14) || (kk == 13) || (kk == 11) || (kk == 7)) { kk = authbuf[k]; authbuf[k] = authbuf[k + 1]; authbuf[k + 1] = kk; } } } } #endif } /**********************/ -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.3i Charset: noconv iQCVAgUBMezfIB98EdWB2LS9AQFbwgP+Oq8zBlI5d1comIQ5S2+ysnSDLAN5W/L2 UgQyrYZ/Cchn9I8CEFn9UDevmInpABSL8yNQWUHrb4cvWxiTGNnFz54gicaPT7Ki qVETDC5o7nxWOT8qhWmGNTApJC8RBjEkY+90HyYKf2sLEd8hkGLwOGSAF/YWxqkY TKqYWVNKCjA= =3qEU -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

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Re: An interesting instance of poltical anonymnity, now revealed
by jim bell 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

At 11:09 PM 7/17/96 EDT, E. ALLEN SMITH wrote: > I find the CBS News response unfortunate. There's also the simple >question on lying to maintain the identity: what's so bad about lying? Why >he revealed himself is somewhat of lesson also. > -Allen > > _ Wednesday July 17 9:12 PM EDT _ > >'Primary Colors' Author Steps Forward > > NEW YORK (Reuter) - One of the best kept secrets in political, > journalistic and publishing circles was revealed Wednesday when > Newsweek journalist Joe Klein admitted he was ''Anonymous'', the > mysterious author of a novel based on President Clinton's 1992 > presidential campaign. If they really wanted to know who did it, why didn't they do a word analysis of the book, and compare it to known writers? Jim Bell jimbell(a)pacifier.com

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FTP SW to support PGP in OnNet
by Rich Graves 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Seems the demise of PGP in favor of S/MIME has been somewhat exaggerated. Blurb in this week's InfoWorld led me to http://www.ftp.com/mkt_info/onnet32/tr-pgp.htm It would be a mistake, though, to say that they have a clue: E-mail compatibility Most e-mail systems can send and receive only plain text (technically, 7-bit ASCII characters). So PGP converts the encrypted information (which is 8-bit) into plain ASCII text using the radix-64 algorithm. This has a side effect that enhances security even when you don't use encryption. If you merely add authentication to the message, radix-64 still converts the whole message using its own algorithm. The resulting message -- even though it's not securely encrypted -- looks garbled to the casual snoop. D'Oh! - -rich censor the internet! http://www.stanford.edu/~llurch/potw2/ boycott fadetoblack! http://www.fadetoblack.com/prquest.htm -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.2 iQBVAwUBMe1rFJNcNyVVy0jxAQEZHQH/aDm0unOzogxpzm+Cj/XozLvLIhrwnTt8 JZR+KH1CVONifOhwCdQsEn7aoH4YbhbolaWZBH0FG99g2KHbGhmbMA== =QSLW -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

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Re: US versions of Netscape now available
by Duncan Frissell 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

At 03:40 PM 7/16/96 -0700, David Sternlight wrote: >It doesn't "leak overseas" as if there were some regrettable lapse in the >plumbing. Someone has to commit a felony violation of Federal law. > >David It's not a felony without a felon. Unless and until the feds prosecute someone, they may claim it's a felony but they have yet to prove it in a court of law. It's just a matter of opinion. If a law is overturned on Constitutional grounds it is void ab initio. When I handed a copy of a label with RSA in four lines of Perl (as it then was) on a sticker to the correspondent for the Independent (of London) at CFP'95 in the presence of the NSA counsel, nothing happened. DCF

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Re: Opiated file systems
by Steve Reid 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

> But, on the other hand, it wouldn't be to hard to have the user set both > keys (yeah, so that didn't actually say anything, so what...), and then do > an every-other-byte type thing (although that would be slow... every other > block would be more efficient), and have 2 EFS's in one file, and make it > so that on the "duress" one the extra space appears to be "free". > One could make it a real file system, and add a fake disk error to prevent > over-writing of the "non-duress" filesystem. This sounds a lot like security through obscurity... What happens when someone reverse-engineers the software and sees that it's carefully skipping over blocks? If you don't want people to know about your encrypted data, use stego. Even if They find the stego software, you can always produce the keys to unlock the duress data from two or three .gif files, and say "that's all there is." Use stego to hide data. Use encrypted filesystems for convenience. If you try to put the two together, you'll probably end up with feature-bloat. The idea of an encrypted filesystems being accessable over the internet sounds interesting, though. Sort of a cross between NFS and CFS. Would be great for backup purposes. ===================================================================== | Steve Reid - SysAdmin & Pres, EDM Web (http://www.edmweb.com/) | | Email: steve(a)edmweb.com Home Page: http://www.edmweb.com/steve/ | | PGP (2048/9F317269) Fingerprint: 11C89D1CD67287E68C09EC52443F8830 | | -- Disclaimer: JMHO, YMMV, TANSTAAFL, IANAL. -- | ===================================================================:)

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Re: Stuffs used for detection
by Chris Adams 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

On 14 Jul 96 06:32:40 -0800, jti(a)i-manila.com.ph wrote: > >In our school library, there is a depository area wherein you deposit your things and get the tag. >Since the library doesn't allow those tags to be brought out from the library, everytime you >brought it out and pass by the door, it will alarm. Does anyone know what stuff is that? How come >it is alarmed? I brought some metals but it wouldn't alarm... Why those tag would alarm them??? Usually they're magnetic... // Chris Adams <adamsc(a)io-online.com> - Webpages for sale! Se habla JavaScript! // Automatically receive my resume or PGPKEY by sending email with a subject // of 'send PGPKEY' or 'send resume'. Capitalization counts so be careful!

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List of reliable remailers
by Raph Levien 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

I operate a remailer pinging service which collects detailed information about remailer features and reliability. To use it, just finger remailer-list(a)kiwi.cs.berkeley.edu There is also a Web version of the same information, plus lots of interesting links to remailer-related resources, at: http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~raph/remailer-list.html This information is used by premail, a remailer chaining and PGP encrypting client for outgoing mail. For more information, see: http://www.c2.org/~raph/premail.html For the PGP public keys of the remailers, finger pgpkeys(a)kiwi.cs.berkeley.edu This is the current info: REMAILER LIST This is an automatically generated listing of remailers. The first part of the listing shows the remailers along with configuration options and special features for each of the remailers. The second part shows the 12-day history, and average latency and uptime for each remailer. You can also get this list by fingering remailer-list(a)kiwi.cs.berkeley.edu. $remailer{"extropia"} = "<remail(a)miron.vip.best.com> cpunk pgp special"; $remailer{"portal"} = "<hfinney(a)shell.portal.com> cpunk pgp hash"; $remailer{"alumni"} = "<hal(a)alumni.caltech.edu> cpunk pgp hash"; $remailer{"c2"} = "<remail(a)c2.org> eric pgp hash reord"; $remailer{"penet"} = "<anon(a)anon.penet.fi> penet post"; $remailer{"flame"} = "<remailer(a)flame.alias.net> cpunk mix pgp. hash latent cut post reord"; $remailer{"mix"} = "<mixmaster(a)remail.obscura.com> cpunk mix pgp hash latent cut ek ksub reord ?"; $remailer{"replay"} = "<remailer(a)replay.com> cpunk mix pgp hash latent cut post ek"; $remailer{"ecafe"} = "<cpunk(a)remail.ecafe.org> cpunk mix"; $remailer{"amnesia"} = "<amnesia(a)chardos.connix.com> cpunk mix pgp hash latent cut ksub"; $remailer{'alpha'} = '<alias(a)alpha.c2.org> alpha pgp'; $remailer{'nymrod'} = '<nymrod(a)nym.jpunix.com> alpha pgp'; $remailer{"lead"} = "<mix(a)zifi.genetics.utah.edu> cpunk pgp hash latent cut ek"; $remailer{"treehole"} = "<remailer(a)mockingbird.alias.net> cpunk pgp hash latent cut ek"; $remailer{"nemesis"} = "<remailer(a)meaning.com> cpunk pgp hash latent cut"; $remailer{"exon"} = "<remailer(a)remailer.nl.com> cpunk pgp hash latent cut ek"; $remailer{"vegas"} = "<remailer(a)vegas.gateway.com> cpunk pgp hash latent cut"; $remailer{"haystack"} = "<haystack(a)holy.cow.net> cpunk mix pgp hash latent cut ek"; $remailer{"ncognito"} = "<ncognito(a)rigel.cyberpass.net> mix cpunk pgp hash latent"; $remailer{"lucifer"} = "<lucifer(a)dhp.com> cpunk mix pgp hash"; $remailer{"jam"} = "<remailer(a)cypherpunks.ca> cpunk mix pgp hash latent cut ek"; catalyst(a)netcom.com is _not_ a remailer. lmccarth(a)ducie.cs.umass.edu is _not_ a remailer. usura(a)replay.com is _not_ a remailer. Groups of remailers sharing a machine or operator: (c2 alpha) (flame replay) (alumni portal) Use "premail -getkeys pgpkeys(a)kiwi.cs.berkeley.edu" to get PGP keys for the remailers. Fingering this address works too. Note: The remailer list now includes information for the alpha nymserver. Last update: Mon 8 Jul 96 6:48:30 PDT remailer email address history latency uptime ----------------------------------------------------------------------- alumni hal(a)alumni.caltech.edu *+*#+*#-*### 3:36 100.00% replay remailer(a)replay.com **+*******+* 4:23 99.99% jam remailer(a)cypherpunks.ca ******** 16:45 99.98% c2 remail(a)c2.org +-++++++-+++ 46:47 99.97% nemesis remailer(a)meaning.com +*********** 17:25 99.97% nymrod nymrod(a)nym.jpunix.com #+#-##*##### 2:49 99.97% lead mix(a)zifi.genetics.utah.edu ++++++++++++ 38:37 99.96% vegas remailer(a)vegas.gateway.com *___.+#*+#*+ 4:34:27 99.95% mix mixmaster(a)remail.obscura.com .------+++++ 5:42:01 99.92% flame remailer(a)flame.alias.net .-++---+--++ 3:59:13 99.91% haystack haystack(a)holy.cow.net +###+#* #+## 3:07 99.80% lucifer lucifer(a)dhp.com +++ -+++++++ 48:41 99.78% ncognito ncognito(a)rigel.cyberpass.net .__.___-... 24:13:12 99.68% extropia remail(a)miron.vip.best.com ----.----.- 7:38:28 99.39% amnesia amnesia(a)chardos.connix.com ---- -----+ 3:42:52 99.31% alpha alias(a)alpha.c2.org +++*****++++ 38:39 99.29% penet anon(a)anon.penet.fi ...--....- 27:11:56 99.00% ecafe cpunk(a)remail.ecafe.org --##* ### 1:26:57 98.73% portal hfinney(a)shell.portal.com #+*####- ## 3:52 98.05% treehole remailer(a)mockingbird.alias.net +++- --+ + 2:18:51 97.06% exon remailer(a)remailer.nl.com **+**** ** 4:35 95.60% History key * # response in less than 5 minutes. * * response in less than 1 hour. * + response in less than 4 hours. * - response in less than 24 hours. * . response in more than 1 day. * _ response came back too late (more than 2 days). cpunk A major class of remailers. Supports Request-Remailing-To: field. eric A variant of the cpunk style. Uses Anon-Send-To: instead. penet The third class of remailers (at least for right now). Uses X-Anon-To: in the header. pgp Remailer supports encryption with PGP. A period after the keyword means that the short name, rather than the full email address, should be used as the encryption key ID. hash Supports ## pasting, so anything can be put into the headers of outgoing messages. ksub Remailer always kills subject header, even in non-pgp mode. nsub Remailer always preserves subject header, even in pgp mode. latent Supports Matt Ghio's Latent-Time: option. cut Supports Matt Ghio's Cutmarks: option. post Post to Usenet using Post-To: or Anon-Post-To: header. ek Encrypt responses in reply blocks using Encrypt-Key: header. special Accepts only pgp encrypted messages. mix Can accept messages in Mixmaster format. reord Attempts to foil traffic analysis by reordering messages. Note: I'm relying on the word of the remailer operator here, and haven't verified the reord info myself. mon Remailer has been known to monitor contents of private email. filter Remailer has been known to filter messages based on content. If not listed in conjunction with mon, then only messages destined for public forums are subject to filtering. Raph Levien

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Hurricane Bertha hitting Offshore Information Services
by Vincent Cate 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

Hurricane Bertha is almost certainly going to hit Anguilla, where Offshore Information Services is located. It will probably be at the strongest about 9 am Eastern time Monday morning. This is still not a really big hurricane, so we will not get anything like the trouble we had with Luis last year. Still, there is some chance that we will be offline at some time. If so please understand why. I have about 8 hours of battery backup. If power is out at our location for longer than that I will relocate the server to another location, as I did after Luis. There is little chance that power will go out everywhere for longer than 8 hours. There is a good chance that we get through this without going down, but I just wanted to let people know what our status is. Be patient if sometime tomorrow you can not get to our site. -- Vince Cate Offshore Information Services, Ltd. Anguilla http://online.offshore.com.ai/

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Re: Style gettting in the way of clear reporting
by jim bell 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

At 06:38 PM 7/7/96 -0700, Timothy C. May wrote: >At 12:40 AM 7/8/96, James A. Donald wrote: > >>When news media were concentrated into fewer and fewer hands during >>the twentieth century, the appearance of neutrality, objectivity, >>and authoritativeness became a major selling point, and so media >>adopted a tone and manner of neutrality, with an accompanying >>"just-the-facts" style, though in reality they became far less neutral > >An interesting point. You are probably right that journalism is becoming >more florid as "amateurs" flood the market. However, I don't quite buy the >concentration argument, as things were pretty concentrated in the Hearst >era, and the explosion of magazines in the past few decades has not been as >concentrated. (In any case, these are hard things to quantify without more >research, which I for one am unlikely to pursue.) It is probably true that journalism was more concentrated in the late 1800's and early 1900's, since it consisted of a few newspapers. However, I think a good argument could be made that because government was dramatically smaller than today, that concentration was not nearly as detrimental as it would be today under similar circumstances. Jim Bell jimbell(a)pacifier.com

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Cypherpunk Enquirer
by enquirer＠alpha.c2.org 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

I finally lost the tail somewhere around the docks, and slowly worked my way into Chiba, watching my back all the way. I dumped the chip in the saddlebag of a bike messenger who almost ran me down in front of the Jarre, figured he'd get a good scare out of a midnight visit from the NSA goons who'd been using it to follow my tracks out of Tokyo. They weren't going to like the way I rearranged the facial features of their buddy who tried to waylay me outside of the pachinko parlor. One last glance behind me, and I ducked into the Chatsubo. She was waiting for me there, a vision of pure lust in a red mini-dress with cleavage all the way down to her waist and legs all the way down to the floor. I tried to stay casual as I sauntered over to the bar next to her. "Vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred," I said to Ratz, the regular bartender. Ratz slammed the drink down on the counter in front of me. "Shaken enough for you, Dick?" he said. "Dick. Nice name." She had a voice that sounded like wind blowing through pine trees on a hot summer night. Low. Breathy. Wet. "He's being an asshole. Dick's American slang for a PI. Mind if I join you?" "Suit yourself." I pulled up a stool, surreptitiously slipping her PGP signature into my PDA. It checked out. Good. Now if she just had the merchandise. I hadn't come 5,000 miles just to check out her pectoral development. I leaned over close, trying not to stare at that pair of 38Ds. "You got anything else you'd like to show me?" Her emerald green eyes bored into mine, and then slowly dropped down to the level of my zipper. She slowly slid the hem of her dress up her creamy thigh, just high enough so that I could see that she wasn't wearing any panties. And there it was. Tucked into the top of her silk stocking, just next to the black lace garter. "That floppy's got the source to Declan McCullagh and Ian Goldberg's crack of the Surfwatch database. Worth a small fortune to anyone with the cojones to spam a sample to K12." She licked her lips like she was getting ready to go down on a double dip of Cherry Garcia. "Would you like to come up to my room and take a closer look?" (OK, Nobody, knock it off. You got rid of Tim May three paragraphs ago. Let's get on with it, huh?) (Shit, boss, just trying to have a little fun ... ) THE CYPHERPUNK ENQUIRER "Encyphering minds want to know." Fresh on the heels of the Chicago Bull's triumph in the NBA finals, Michael Jordan has announced the release of his new signature Internet encryption product, Michael Jordan's Awfully Good Snake Oil. Based on a tried and tested but proprietary algorithm, AGSO is guaranteed to provide superior 40 bit encryption of all important Internet traffic. Michael himself personally guarantees that AGSO will integrate perfectly with the Eudora mailer, and used no 14 year old Nicaraguan programmers like that inferior Kathy Lee Gifford shit, and no feminine frou-frou like with Liz Taylor's Black Perl. Jim Bell was injured today when a mail exploder went off in his hands. Doctors at the Bethesda Naval Hospital reported that the mail exploder had been upgraded from critical to stable condition and was resting comfortably in a private room. After a visit from fellow patient Louis Freeh, the mail exploder commented, "It's surprising how well he's learned to talk through that proctoscope." Matt Blaze has finally come clean, and agreed to provide a partial transcript of the NSA's famous "If you knew what we know, you'd support key escrow" presentation, which according to Mr. Blaze starts out, "If you knew about the video tapes we have of you with that 16 year old blonde at the Motel Six ... " Due to continuing controversy over the Michael Jackson case, and bowing to extreme election year pressure from the religious right, President Clinton today announced a new policy to prevent child abuse in the music industry. The Rock Musicians Penis Escrow Bill would require all musicians selling more than 10,000 CDs to file photographs of their (presumably tumescent) genitals with the FBI so that they could be examined and identified in the event of accusations of lascivious behavior with minors. Leon Panetta was reportedly flying to Chicago for discussions with the presently retired Plaster Casters, hoping to garner their support for the bill, while the Wall Street Journal announced an investigation into rumors that Chelsea has a standing request with the FBI for multiple copies. The Libertarian Party immediately announced its whole-hearted support for the plan after Jim Ray snuck the plank into the party platform when no one was looking. Tim May's experimental plan to reduce the noise level on the Cypherpunk Mailing List was declared a resounding success after massive doses of Ritalin actually caused Perry Metzger to apologize for flaming a clueless AOLer. In related news, AwakenToMe has finally figured out protected mode, and has announced the first Pentium condom that actually fits over the cooling fan. Sameer Parkesh announced that c2.org is now hosting an "Unanimizer" web browser, which makes web servers think that the entire population of the WhoWhere search engine has just accessed their pages. Next in the Enquirer: Bob Dole on the dangers of the abacus virus.

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