Army of Dog - SPACE ALIENS HIDE M DRUGS!!!
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Bienfait Nutly News
"ANARCH IS OUR ONL HOPE"
Christmas Special
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by King Author and the Dark&Stormy
Knights of the Magic RoundTable
A Personal Note From An Army of Dog Prisoner Of War:
To: remailer-operators(a)dev.null
From: DaltonGang(a)Dev.Null
Since my meatspace body is currently hanging on a
federal meathook, my consistent meatspace identity
is currently available for those who wish to rent
it.
Given the high value of the BadReputationCapital
currently connected to my consistent meatspace
identity, I don't feel I am remiss in requiring both
a small monetary remittance to:
James Bell #26906086
Federal Detention Center
P.O. Box 68976
Seattle WA 98168
as well as Executive Editor credits on any InterNet
website or email account that uses my consistent
meatspace persona to send threatening letters to
goverment agencies, officials and employees, to
run Assassination Politics Bots, or to engage in
activities which violate the conditions of my parole,
including, it seems...breathing.
James Dalton Bell
"They also serve, who only bend over and wait."
-----Pretty Monitored Privacy Public Cell Key-----
OuCh#$!tHAthuRts*&^nOOooOnotSAnd!!!OKwhO'SNexT????
--------------------------------------------------
Questionable Quotes #37:
"If the Army of God can kill so many people from the
Missionary Position, where the risk of transmitting
AIDS is comparitively low, then the Army of Dog
should be that much more effective, working Doggie
Style..."
~The Unknown CypherPunk (aka TCM)
CypherPunks Cult of One
Bay Area Addition
The recent phenomena of the Army of Dog, which has had a
long history of never before existing, is rumored by many
to be a splinter group of the Circle Of Eunuchs, which had
come into existence as a result of an announcement on
December 7, 1989, by Bubba Rom Dos, that the existence such
a group would be extremely dangerous to those involved, and
that everyone assembled should immediately disband and have
no further contact with one another.
The Circle of Eunuchs, a wholly owned subsiduary of the
Magic Circle, headquartered nowhere, has managed to keep
their heads, as well as avoid being drawn and quartered,
by never really existing. Although consisting of 3-member
Gorilla Cells whose manner and method of their use of
bananas is totally up to the individuals involved, based
on their personal ethics and morals, none of the members
can ever really be certain that the CoE actually exists,
although it is pretty hard to deny the existence of the
bananas, if you have made the mistake of choosing your
fellow CoE Gorilla Cell members randomly from ads in
the free magazines widely available in San Franciso.
The Army of Dog operates much along the same lines, with
the major difference being that more of the members choose
to act alone, in solitary Cult of One units, with the more
moderate members generally requiring reading glasses, while
the more radical members eventually go blind.
Seasoned warriors, they refuse to ask for pity or sympathy,
having only themselves to blame, 'cause momma tried...
Questionable Quotes #896:
"ou don't have to have a bottle of Mercetan to know
which way Janet Reno is blowing."
~JDB
BellWeatherMen Cult of One
Seattle AboveGround Cell
Army of Dog recruits, going one step further than the
Army of God members who have so successfully avoided being
hunted down like dogs by LEA's around the country, perform
many of their nefarious activities on behalf of causes that
they have little or no connection to, little or no interest
in, and do not necessarily believe in.
For example, an Army of Dog Virtual Warrior who is very
passionate in their feeling regarding the demonization and
persecution of Kevin MitNikita, but who thinks that Jerome
Dalton Bell is an asshole who got what he had coming to him,
would naturally gravitate toward performing subversive
actions which violated the conditions of Bell's parole.
(If that AoD Warrior was a minor, they might even be bold
enough to join with other minors in small Saskatchewan
towns, acting in concert with NineInchNails, knowing they
would not have to worry about being tried as an adult,
since they could prove that their uncle, the Author, was
not even an adult.)
On the other hand, a CypherPunks Army of Dog Virtual
Warrior, who feels indebted to Jim Bell for the blow jobs
while awaiting trial (even though he *did* have to hold
a knife to Jim's throat, since Jim was playing 'hard to
get'), would perform their subversive activities on
behalf of the UnaBomber, who they thought was a fucking
lunatic who was better off locked up.
(For instance, they might perform a variety of low-key
meatspace crimes, such as setting the Dumbarton bridge
on fire, just before the UnaBomber's trial, and then
notify the President by email that they were ready to
step in and take the UnaBomber's place if he was
executed. Natually, they would do this from a hacked
account...)
Questionable Quotes #486:
"Give them Flack, John."
~Bob
Church of the SubGenius Cult of One
Davis-Monathan Division
Many Army of Dog recruits are LEA's and paid government
informants who tried to infiltrate the AoD, but who got
a little carried away and eventually ended up performing
some act of meatspace violence so atrocious that they had
to quickly find a scapegoat such as Timoth McVeigh, to
take the fall.
(Although the agent code-named Defcon McCullagh Chainsaw
claims he was just there to cover the bombing, in a
free-lance assignment for the Oklahoma Nutly News, he
has thus far failed to adequately explain submitting
a receipt for breakfast with the BATF shortly before
the explosion, or why the BATF would be having champagne
and caviar for breakfast, saying only, "Eggs is eggs...")
Questionable Quotes #8:
"I never minded about the little things."
~Bridget Fonda
The Author's Secret Lover Cult of One
Although both Army of Dog Virtual Warriors and MeatSpace
Warriors are quick to point out that sex after plugging a
strangers parking meter, or setting off the fire alarm
at the local school via modem, is phenomenal, they also
point out that it doesn't hurt to have a co-conspirator
(sometimes spelled without the hyphen).
One Army of Bitch WarriorGoddess, speaking about her
long-time relationship with an AoD programmer, said,
"Although he starts with a relatively small value of 'c',
he always increments it, and sometimes puts it through
what seems to be an endless loop."
(For the non-computer oriented, that loosely translates
as, "He may not touch bottom, but he sure raises hell
with the sides.")
Questionable Quote #1:
"Bite them all, and let the Veteranarian sort them out."
~Rabid WarMongrelBat
Marisupial Cult of One
If ou Can't Erase The Hard Drive Of The One ou Hate,
Erase The Hard Drive Of The One ou're With:
'The Book of Big Mischief' (not to be confused with a much
better work, with a similar name), advises that any Army of
Dog member who plans to throw a serious, possibly traceable
Hex/Screw into the Back(Door) of a government, corporate,
religious or social entity/system via the tools of their
own workplace, should take great pains to make certain
that their office space contains:
1. American Flag
2. Apple Pie (preferrably baked by your mother)
3. Bible (*not* the New Age Aquarian version)
4. "I Love MicroSoft" Stickers
5. Pictures of the President AND Newt Gingrich
6. A Timothy McVeigh Dartboard
7. A Shrink-Wrapped Copy Of CyberNanny
8. An unfinished, hand-written letter to Louis Freeh,
stating that you suspect your supervisor of being
an anti-government radical.
9. Bail Money
Questionable Quote #2-A:
"A little Byte goes a long way, particularly if you don't
let go."
~Baby TruthMonger
Army of Bitch
Questionable Quote #2-B:
"Something small is going to happen...but it's going to
happen a lot of times...July 5, 1998, 07:09"
~The Arthur
Army of Dog / Cult of Nun
One For ou, One For Me...Two For ou, One, Two For Me:
Craperate and Goobermint BeanCounters *do* mind about the
little things, but these things are unlikely to come to their
attention if the DataEntryOperator and/or the Auditor are
Army of Dog recruits.
A multitude of mistaken credits to your own account is
fraud. A multitude of fraudulent credits to the account of
a charitable or subversive organization to which you have
no connection is a mistake.
If ou Don't Unnerstan Nuthin Else, Understand This:
Joe Montana was a Dan Fouts with a front line.
General Eisenhower was a General Lee with a front line.
Winston Churchill was a Neville Chamberlain with a back door.
Censorship Czars aren't afraid of quarterbacks, generals and
leaders. They are afraid of men and women in trenches, behind
data-entry screens, and people with flashlights, peering into
the dark and hidden places.
The Enemies of Freedom of Speech are not afraid of someone
yelling "Fire" in a crowded theater--that is a StrawDog they
use to prevent someone yelling "Fire" before their agents are
clear of the Reichstag, or the Murrah Federal Building.
Friends of the Destroyer can whack a King, a Kennedy, or a
KonspiratorToBeNamedLater, but they can't whack out things
they can't see--like concepts, ideals, values and free
thought--but they are trying...
If the Voices of Kings, Kennedys and Konspirators are not
reaching the far walls of the ElectroMagnetic Curtain, and
echoing throughout the Tao of CyberSpace, then the Friends
of the Destroyer, the Enemies of Freedom, will prevail.
The Voice of the Tao Whispers...
The Voice of Infinity Thunders...
The Voice of Censorship is Silent...
The Voice of Freedom is ou!
The Most Dangerous Person On Television:
ou...the viewer.
The Most Dangerous Person On The InterNet:
ou...the participant.
Anarchy Is Our Only Hope...
Army of Dog Prisoners of War:
Tim Bell
Jim McVeigh
Nelson Ghandi
Mahatma Mandella
Avery Body
Elsie Mittnick
Human Gus-Peter
Free Army of Dog Warriors:
Us...except for you and me <nod-nod><wink-wink>
The rEvolution isn't tomorrow...that will be too late.
The rEvolution wasn't yesterday...the battle lines have moved.
The rEvolution Is NOW!
Questionable Quote #709:
"Close ranks, every man for himself!"
~Chief CypherPunks SpokesPerson
Army of DoGod, Cult of Nun
Anarchy Is Our Only Hope...Together, We Can Make It Happen
