December 2003 - cypherpunks-legacy

Here's the password you wanted....Don't pass it on
by teezi62＠nimbus.rz.uni-konstanz.de 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

What's up Gary, Here's the password. Don't, I repeat don't give it to anyone Remember press enter once you get there. USR: harry PWD: balls CLICK HERE>> http://www.hpic.com/public-bin/redirect.cgi?file=dick&clickline=0&cookie=no… Jorge

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Re: FC: Why not to have "Privacy Commissioners"
by Anonymous 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

> Declan, These articles (unfortunately in German) are excellent > examples of the true purpose of EU-style "Privacy > Commissioners". Their purpose of course being to provide a whitewash > to privacy violating activities by the government. > Anyone want to translate 'em? Here's a very quick translation. I loved that bit where AltaVista translated "crackle" as "kneeling asterisk", anyway I hope this is more readable than those miracles of machine translation. SonntagsZeitung Online, July 12, 1998: The movement profiles do exist A confidential report by the data protection commissioner unveils: Swisscom collects the complete Natel cell phone data every three hours BY NIKLAUS RAMSEYER AND DENIS VON BURG BERNE - a secret report by data protection commissioner Odilo Guntern proves: Swisscom locates all powered-on Natel phones in Switzerland with an accuracy of 100 meters every three hours and stores these data for seven days. Things are not as bad as all that, it's all legal, and there's no problem whatsoever, the Swiss federal data protection commissioner Odilo Guntern appeased the public last Monday. Swisscom AG apparantly has "the possibility of locating every powered-on Natel at any time", he admitted. That however only within the so-called Location Areas comprising of 50 kilometers each - and certainly not down to the 2,500 a few kilometers small radio cells in the country "as claimed by the SonntagsZeitung", Guntern said. What the public did not learn: Gunterns lean three-page paper is only the tip of the iceberg. Hidden behind it there is a 30 pages long secret report that Guntern delivered only to "the parties involved", as he calls it. "Involved" are Swisscom, Leuenberger's (communications) and Koller's (justice and police) departments and the parliament's revisions delegation. Gunterns confidential report not only contains the crucial information to the Natel issue. It partly contradicts the public remarks and to a large extent confirms the SonntagsZeitung article of 28 December 1997. In particular Guntern concealed that the 800,000 Natel users in Switzerland can not only "be located", but are subject to a fully automatted Periodic Location Updating (PLU). PLU means: Every active Natel will announce itself to the closest antenna every three hours, then Swisscom will register its location. Each Natel owner can verify that himself: It is sufficient to put the switched-on mobile telephone next to a transistor radio. It then will emit a clearly audible galloping crackle. Movement data in some cases are stored for many weeks The location information covers not only "one of only 30 location areas" in the country, as Guntern wanted to make believe, it descends down to "radio cell level". In cities it has a precision of a few 100 meters - in open rural areas still a precision of max. 10 kilometers. At least that is what experts from a leading Natel company assure. Thus the quite precise Natel location is registered every three hours. Worse yet: Swisscom stores the cell phones' corresponding "movement data" for seven days - in some cases even for weeks and months. SVP member of parliament Bernhard Seiler, who is president of the parliament's GPK delegation, confirms these facts to the SonntagsZeitung. Data Protection commissioner Odilo Guntern too admits: "The subject PLU is discussed in detail in my report." He will not talk about "technical details" however. It is quick to calculate. Eight location reports from 800,000 cell phones per day, stored for one week: Swisscom permanently has more that 40 million data available on where and how the 800,000 Natels are moving through the country. They only serve for making connections, is said officially. But whoever has access to this information can immediately print out a "movement profile" and learn where exactly the Natel (and thus, its owner) has been during the past seven days. Guntern: "That is not impossible." Using radiogoniometics (see graphics) Swisscom can even locate each Natel to an exactness of 50 meters and tap the conversations. That also applies to the controversial Natel D Easy: "we have movement data and operational data for these devices as well", Odilo Guntern assures. That explains why the Conferedate Justice and Police Department and Federal Attorney General Carla Del Ponte demand that buyers of such devices should be registered systematically. If necessary the police would like to know whom the movement profile of a given Natels belongs to. And why did the Guntern report remain secret? The "parties involved" blame each other for the secretiveness. Guntern: "I didn't even ask them if they would like to publish the report, and decided myself that it was not public." The controlling authorities at the Swiss parliament are not going to accept that: "We were of the opinion that the entire Guntern report would be presented in public", says the SP deputy Werner Carobbio from Tessin, who also is a member of the GPK delegation. "We will bring up the issue of "movement profiles of Natel users" for deepened discussion", he promises. --------------------------------------------------------------- Les Temps Online, July 7, 1998: COMMUNICATION TELECOMS. Yesterday the federal data protection commissioner presented his annual report Odilo Guntern: «Natel owners must be able to remain anonymous» By Gabriel Sigrist In Switzerland, every citizen can walk into a store and acquire a smard part to be inserted into a portable telephone for 120 francs. Swisscom's system Natel D Easy does not require any subscription and thus the user can remain anonymous. This anonymity disturbs the Attorney General of the Confederation, Carla Del Ponte, who on several occasions set her face against a system «used by all the criminals». According to the department of public prosecution, the new ordinance on telecommunications imposed identification of Natel D easy users beginning January 1st. The federal data protection commissioner's report completely contradicts this assertion. «There is no legal base for keeping records of Natel easy customers», Odilo Guntern concludes in his annual report. The data protection commissioner goes even further: «In our society, protection of the individual requires the possibility to talk on the phone without being recorded in files, he stated towards Les Temps. Record the purchasers of «easy» cards does not make sense because the criminals use other means to remain anonymous, such as foreign cards but also call-back services or simply phone booths.» In the neighbour countries however the purchasers of such cards must declare their identity. «It is because the laws are different, explains Odilo Guntern. In Switzerland, identification is obligatory only when there is a long-term customer provider relation, which is not the case with pre-paid cards.» The card easy is thus legally comparable to a CFF multicourse subscription or a phone card to use in booths. Goods which can be acquired anonymously. However the debate is not closed: «In our opinion the legal base is sufficient to impose registration of the users, explains Jürg Blaser, spokesman of the department of public prosecution. It is essential for the security of our country to be able to identify the holders of portable telephones.» The federal Office of communications (Ofcom) will decide. According to Odilo Guntern, it currently remains «perfectly legal» to acquire a card easy without giving your name. Swisscom however encourages the purchasers to identify themselves: the operator offers a small gift to those who reveal their personal data. The comissioner also occupied himself with in the possibilities of tracing mobile telephones. According to his report, Swisscom can locate a simply powered-on portable in a relatively large zone, but not to the cell (a circle of ten kilometers). There too, opinions diverge. According to Christian Masson, enthusiastic activist of the freedom of circulation, the GSM system used by Swisscom's Natel stores the precise localization of the devices every three hours, for maintenance purposes. Odilo Guntern does not mention such a process in his report. According to Swisscom, the users' positions are erased during their movement. The report also puts emphasis on customer fidelity cards such as the M-Cumulus by Migros. «Any holder of such a card must be informed of the various discounts of which he can profit, as well as of the data processing relating to it», indicates the report. On the Internet: The full report of the federal data protection commissionser on www.edsb.ch The site of Mr. Masson on www.iimel.com/interception/mobile_trace.htm

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No Subject
by Cindy Cohn 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

Hi all, I've now had a chance to review the decision in the Junger case. I think it contains many flaws, but will just highlight a few here. The most striking thing about the opinion is how much the judge's willfully ignored the undisputed factual record. Plaintiffs submitted voluminous declarations from programmers, computer science professors and others confirming that they often communicate using source code. The Declarants included Professor Abelson of MIT, author of the key introductory textbook of computer science, as well as Professor Appel from Princeton and several prominent cryptographers and general computer scientists. All of them confirmed the need to read, write and share source code as part of their work, and as part of the development of science. They also testified to the fact that many, many other people communicate using source code, and that higher level languages are developed to allow humans to write, read and develop each others ideas. The Judge does quote the Supreme Court ruling that speech must be protected by the First Amendment unless it is "so far removed from any exposition of ideas, and from truth, *science,* morality, and arts in general . . . " Yet despite these clear facts and despite the Supreme Court's clear inclusion of scientific speech as protected expression, Judge Gwin states: 1. "encryption source code may *occasionally* be expressive (p.12) 2. that in the "overwhelming majority of circumstances" encryption source code is exported to transfer functions, not to communicate ideas." (p.13) 3. "For the broad majority of persons receipting such source code, the value comes from the function" (p.13-14). 4. "encryption source code is rarely expressive" (p. 15). 5. "source code is conduct that can occasionally have communicative elements." (p.16) 6. "Source code is a set of instructions to a computer that is *commonly* distributed for the wholly non-expressive purpose of controlling a computer's operation." (page 17) 7. "encryption software is not typically expression" (page 18) There are similar statements of fact throughout the decision, none of which contain citations to anything in the record to support them. So where is the evidence to support his conclusions? The government submitted no empirical studies of source code "exports" from which one could conclude how often source code is "expressive." Certainly this is not the kind of thing which can be judicially noticed. At a minimum, the declarations create a triable issue of material fact as to how often source code is used to communicate ideas. This alone should preclude summary judgment. Also, I know of know authority which holds that the number of people who communicate in a given language is the basis on which we decide whether that communication is speech. Judge Gwin certainly cited none, but his opinion assumes that this is relevant. He also says that "certain software is inherently expressive" (page 13) without stating what he thinks that kind of software is and how it differs from encryption software. The Junger team argued that the "functionality" of encryption software, allowing privacy of speech, makes the software subject to the First Amendment on its own, just as the regulations of printing presses and newspaper racks violate the First Amendment even though the item itself may not be speech. The Judge ignored this argument entirely. Once the judge has decided that source code is not *sufficiently* expressive, he ignores the settled analysis for prior restraints in order to avoid applying the tests. The easiest mistake to see is his reliance on the 9th Circuit Roulette decision for his holding that prior restraint review shouldn't apply. Roulette was *not* a prior restraint case. It considered an ordinance which allowed the police to arrest citizens for sitting on the sidewalks. In Roulette, a person didn't have to apply for a license to sit on the sidewalks, he or she simply did it. The question of whether the act was expressive or not would always be reviewed by a Judge, as part of the criminal process. In the case of cryptography,in contrast, one of the key issues has been the fact that the cryptography regulations do not allow for a judge to review agency decisions denying or requiring a license. Thus, applying Roulette as the standard to judge whether prior restraint analysis applies is just plain wrong. Having dispensed with prior restraint by relying on a non-prior restraint case, the Court then considers overbreadth. Again, he ignores the record entirely. He claims, again without any citation to the record, that Junger has failed to show that "the resulting injury to other academics is the very same injury that Junger allegedly suffered." But Junger included Declarations from people who were *not* academics who have been injured by the export restrictions. He included declarations from Mr. Liebman (concerning some O'Reilly software) and Mr. Behlendorf (concerning the Apache server) demonstrating that even those whose software contains no encryption capability whatsoever have been injured by the encryption regulations. The record contains plenty of evidence that people other than Junger, attempting to do different kinds of things than he does, have suffered different kinds of injury due to the regulations. Similarly, Judge Gwin states that the regulations are not vague, ignoring the record evidence that many, many people do not understand them and have been chilled as a result. Next, Judge Gwin finds content neutrality based upon the argument that government is controlling the "functionality" of the software rather than its content. Acceptance of this phony distinction requires that a person have no understanding of computer programming. The content and the functionality of a computer program are synonymous. They have to be. There is no way to change or limit the functionality without also changing the content of the source code. To mandate key recovery is to mandate that computer programs have different content than they would otherwise; its' like saying that the government wants to control the "taste" of chocolate cake rather than the recipe. Change one, you must change the other. Judge Gwin also relies on the fact that the Government allows "export" of software on paper, thus defining "functionality" as based upon the fact that source code can be converted into object code which can be run. But this analysis also ignores the existence of scanners and typists. Software on paper isn't any less "functional" than software in electronic form. It simply requires one more, simple, step to make it functional. In the case of the single page of source code which is Snuffle, in the Bernstein case, the difference cannot be more than ten minutes worth of typing or a few minutes to scan and correct errors prior to compiling. *This* is the difference our national security rests upon? Judge Gwin then applies intermediate scrutiny, quickly finding that the test is met. In the end, Judge Gwin decided, despite the evidence, that source code isn't often read by anyone and so shouldn't really deserve First Amendment protection. The rest of the analysis flows from there, with no regard for the actual facts in the record. The result is that we have a new category of lesser protected expression, speech which is also "functional," without any clear or understandable definition of the term "functional." And all those computer scientists and their settled methods of communicating with each other apparently don't count when it comes to the First Amendment. The larger ramifications of this holding, if it becomes law for the rest of us, are frightening. Taken to its extreme, this holding could be the exception that swallows the rule of Reno v. ACLU. If the fact that something can "function" means it is not speech, every web page written in HTML could be held not protected, since at some level each page is a "functioning" computer program. Certainly any web page or other electronic publication which contains a Java applet is a "functioning" program. As I noted above, there are other criticisms which can be leveled as well. These are simply a few that I've found so far. Cindy ****************************** Cindy A. Cohn, Cindy(a)McGlashan.com McGlashan & Sarrail, P.C. 177 Bovet Road, 6th Floor San Mateo, CA 94402 (650) 341-2585 (tel) (650) 341-1395 (fax)

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Can't keep it DOWN/Man gets breasts by mistake
by STUFFED/EUREKA! 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

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Stan & Tim
by Anonymous 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

Hints that an anonymous poster is Tim may be red herrings. Given Stan's recent "research" into Xian conspiracy, he may have other enemies than Tim... [cypherpunk issue: how do you tell that anonymous posts aren't really anonymous?] That said, I'm surprised at the number of "SPANK" emails directed at Stan. (Especially since they're from anonymous accounts which he just said he has killfiled. Duh!) I find some of his posts amusing, some edifying, some boring, but mostly not "clueless", unlike the following cascade which I've paraphrased slightly: some nobody said: > another nobody said: >> yet another nobody said: >>> still more nobody said: >>>> I think Stan is clueless >>> Me Too. >> Me Too! > Me Too!!!

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Herbal Remedies
by webmaster＠mountainkeep.com 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

Dear Internet Friends, If you want to learn about how to provide your family with herbal remedies from the garden to the medicine cabinet, please visit our website at www.mountainkeep.com Thank you. This message complies with the proposed United States Federal requirements for commercial email bill, Section 301. For additional info see: http://www.senate.gov/~murkowski/commercialemail/EMailAmendText.html Mountainkeep Publishing 2510 N. 47th St. #204 Boulder, CO 80301 (303)545-5452 Per Section 301, Paragraph (a)(2)(C) of S. 1618, further transmissions to you by the sender of this email may be stopped at no cost to you by sending a reply to this email address with theword "remove" in the subject line.

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Status
by remove5050＠usa.net 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

reply to remove5050(a)usa.net Please excuse this intrusion. Your Name Has ALREADY BEEN DELETED from our database. I would like to let you in on a good idea... I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE THE ONE TELLING YOU THIS.... I ACTUALLY READ & ACTED ON THIS PIECE OF E-MAIL, AND THEN WENT TO EUROPE FOR THE HOLIDAYS, PAYING FOR IT IN CASH! My name is Matthew Forti ; I'm a 42-year-old father, husband, and full time scientist. As a rule, I delete all unsolicited "junk" e-mail and use my account primarily for business. I received what I assumed was this same e-mail countless times and deleted it each time. About two months ago I received it again and, because of the catchy subject line, I finally read it. Afterwards, I thought, "OK, I give in, I'm going to try this. I can certainly afford to invest $20 and, on the other hand, there is nothing wrong with creating a little excess cash." I promptly mailed four $5 bills and, after receiving the reports paid a friend of mine a small fee to send out some e-mail advertisements for me. After reading the reports, I also learned how easy it is to bulk e-mail for free! I was not prepared for the results. Everyday for the last six weeks, my P.O. box has been overflowing with $5 bills; many days the excess fills up an extra mail bin and I've had to upgrade to the corporate-size box! I am stunned by all the cash that keeps rolling in! I promise you, if you follow the directions in this e-mail and be prepared to eventually set aside about an hour each day to follow up (and count your money!), you will make at least as much money as we did. You don't need to be a whiz at the computer, but I'll bet you already are. If you can open an envelope, remove the money, and send an e-mail message, then you're on your way to the bank. Take the time to read this so you'll understand how easy it is. Believe me, it works! GO FOR IT NOW! Sincerely, Matthew Forti * * * * * * * * * * * * ************************************************** You are about to make up to $50,000 - In less than 90 days Read the enclosed program...THEN READ IT AGAIN! ************************************************** This is the letter that got my attention. Read on and I'm sure you will agree that this is a great plan! Dear Friend, The enclosed information is something I almost let slip through my Fingers. Fortunately, sometime later I re-read everything and gave some thought and study to it. Please do the same. It's so simple to do. And you won't be left out in the cold to figure it all out yourself. Look further down in this letter for the information you will receive from JNC Marketing. They give you the locations of the best software (FREE SOFTWARE) to send out large quantities of email. (normally this kind of software is several hundred dollars) They even give you easy to understand, proven, step by step instructions for success with this program. In fact, they helped me get started and I'm so thankful. It's hard to believe that this is as simple as it is, but it really is SIMPLE. You will even get support from them to send out a mailing (if you need it). You won't get this kind of help from other programs of this nature. It makes all the difference in the world. _____________________________________________________________ My name is Anne Bowman. I am 31-year-old graduate student desperately trying to finish my degree and begin working in my chosen field--that is, if I am lucky enough to find a job in the crowded market. Like most people in this day and age, it is hard to make ends meet, and being a student does not help the situation at all ( If I ever have to buy one more box of macaroni and cheese I think I would have to scream). I returned to school after having worked for several years with little potential for achieving what I had expected out of life. I figured if I returned to school and received my Ph.D. there would be several opportunities for me out there to achieve my goals. After seeing my fellow graduate students receive their degrees and, depressingly, not find respectable positions in their chosen field I began to think, "Oh no not again!" Four extra years in school and an extra $20,000 in student loans on top of the first $18,000, what will I do if the same happens to me?" I began to doubt my patience for the long term investment in schooling, and decided enough was enough, "Why can't I make real money now instead of waiting to graduate with no guarantee of a lucrative return for all of my efforts!" I am writing to share my experience with other hopeful students out there, as well as ANYONE looking for an opportunity to take their financial situation into their own hands. I hope you will consider this opportunity seriously and that this will change your life FOREVER!.., FINANCIALLY!!! And once you get started it takes so little of your time. In mid October '97, I received this program. I didn't send for it, or ask for it, they just got my name off a mailing list. I TOOK THIS AS A SIGN!!! After reading it several times, to make sure I was reading it correctly, it made perfect sense. Here was a MONEY-MAKING PHENOMENON. I could invest as much as I wanted to start (about as much as it costs for a pizza!), without putting me further in debt. After I got a pencil and paper and figured it out, I would at least get my money back. After determining that the program is LEGAL and NOT A CHAIN LETTER, I decided "I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE". Initially I sent 15,000 emails, (without any costs to me) only a couple of hours of my time on-line. The great thing about email is that I didn't need any money for printing to send out the program, only the time to fulfill my orders. There is a vast on-line market available to everyone who owns a computer. Following the advice of the person from whom I received this letter, I am telling you like it is, and I hope it doesn't turn you off, but I promised myself I would not "rip-off" anyone, no matter how much money it cost me! After you receive the reports they explain everything to you. In one week, I was starting to receive orders for REPORT #1. By mid November, I had received 40 orders for REPORT #1. When you read the GUARANTEE in the program you will see that "YOU MUST RECEIVE 15 TO 20 ORDERS FOR REPORT #1 WITHIN 2 WEEKS IF YOU DON'T SEND OUT MORE PROGRAMS UNTIL YOU DO!" My first step In making $50,000 in 20 to 90 days was done. By the beginning of December, I had received 174 orders for REPORT #2. If you go back to the GUARANTEE. "YOU MUST RECEIVE 100 OR MORE ORDERS FOR REPORT #2 WITHIN TWO WEEKS. IF NOT SEND OUT MORE PROGRAMS UNTIL YOU DO. ONCE YOU HAVE 100 ORDERS, THE REST IS EASY, RELAX, YOU WILL MAKE YOUR $50,000 GOAL". Well, I had 174 orders for REPORT #2, 74 more than I needed. So I sat back and relaxed. By January 20th, of my emailing of 15,000, I received $54,000 with more coming in ever day. The great thing about this program is you can begin the process over and over again without any limit on potential income! I paid off ALL my student loans, and together with everything I have learned in school, I am now saving in order to open up my own business related to my field as soon as I graduate. Please take time to read the attached program. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER! Remember, it won't work if you don't try it. This program does work, but you must follow it EXACTLY! Especially the rules of not trying to place your name in a different place on the list. It doesn't work, you'll lose out on a lot of money! REPORT #2 explains this. ALWAYS follow the guarantee, 15 to 20 orders of REPORT #1 and 100 or more orders for REPORT #2 and you will make $50,000 or more in 20 to 90 days. I AM LIVING PROOF THAT IT WORKS!! If you choose not to participate in this program, I'm sorry, It really is a great opportunity with little cost or risk to you. If you choose to participate, follow the program and you will be on your way to financial security. To my fellow graduate students out there, good luck to you and I sympathize. And to all other persons in financial trouble consider this letter a sign and please take advantage of this opportunity. YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED! Sincerely, Anne Bowman The following testimonial was at the bottom of this letter but it was too good to leave down there so I moved it up here. It is exactly how I felt at first and feel now. "The first week after I started this program was torture. I couldn't wait to see if it was really going to work after I mailed out my first batch of letters. I chuckle every day now when I walk out of the post office with my envelopes. This is so easy, I still can't believe it's happening!" Don Masterson, Troy, NY $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ >From here down is the instruction portion of this letter... This is a LEGAL, LOW-COST, MONEYMAKING PHENOMENON. PRINT this letter, read the directions, THEN GET STARTED TODAY! You are about to embark on the most profitable and unique program you may ever see. Many times over, it has demonstrated and proven its ability to generate large amounts of cash. This program is showing fantastic appeal with a huge and ever-growing on-line population desirous of additional income. This is a legitimate, LEGAL, moneymaking opportunity. It does not require you to come in contact with people, do any hard work, and best of all, you never have to leave the house, except to get the mail and go to the bank! This truly is that lucky break you've been waiting for! Simply follow the easy instructions in this letter, and your financial dreams will come true! When followed correctly, this electronic, multi-level marketing program works perfectly... 100% OF THE TIME! Thousands of people have used this program to: - Raise capital to start their own business - Pay off debts - Buy homes, cars, etc., - Even retire! This is your chance, so read on and get started today! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OVERVIEW OF THIS EXTRAORDINARY ELECTRONIC MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING PROGRAM ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Basically, this is what we do: We send thousands of people a product for $5.00 that costs next to nothing to produce and e-mail. As with all multi-level businesses, we build our business by recruiting new partners and selling our products. Every state in the U.S. allows you to recruit new multi-level business online (via your computer). The products in this program are a series of four business and financial reports costing $5.00 each. Each order you receive via "snail mail" will include: * $5.00 cash * The name and number of the report they are ordering * The e-mail address where you will e-mail them the report they ordered. To fill each order, you simply e-mail the product to the buyer. The $5.00 is yours! This is the EASIEST electronic multi-level marketing business anywhere! FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER AND BE PREPARED TO REAP THE STAGGERING BENEFITS! ******* I N S T R U C T I O N S ******* This is what you MUST do: 1. Order all 4 reports shown on the list below (you can't sell them if you don't order them). * For each report, send $5.00 CASH, the NAME & NUMBER OF THE REPORT YOU ARE ORDERING, YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS, and YOUR RETURN POSTAL ADDRESS (in case of a problem) to the person whose name appears on the list next to the report. * When you place your order, make sure you order each of the four reports. You will need all four reports so that you can save them on your computer and resell them. * Within a few days you will receive, via e-mail, each of the four reports. Save them on your computer so they will be accessible for you to send to the 1,000's of people who will order them from you. 2. IMPORTANT-- DO NOT alter the names of the people who are listed next to each report, or their sequence on the list, in any way other than is instructed below in steps "a" through "d" or you will lose out on the majority of your profits. ONCE YOU UNDERSTAND THE WAY THIS WORKS, YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY IT DOESN'T WORK IF YOU CHANGE IT. Remember, this method has been tested, and if you alter it, it will not work. a. Look below for the listing of available reports. b. After you've ordered the four reports, replace the name and address under REPORT #1 with your name and address, moving the one that was there down to REPORT #2. c. Move the name and address that was under REPORT #2 down to REPORT #3. d. Move the name and address that was under REPORT #3 down to REPORT #4. e. The name and address that was under REPORT #4 is removed from the list and has NO DOUBT collected their 50 grand. Please make sure you copy everyone's name and address ACCURATELY!!! 3. Take this entire letter, including the modified list of names, and save it to your computer. Make NO changes to the INSTRUCTION portion of this letter. 4. Now you're ready to start an advertising campaign on the Internet! Advertising on the Internet is very, very inexpensive, and there are HUNDREDS of FREE places to advertise, but email has, by far, proven itself to be the best medium for this program. And the emailers best friend is e-mail lists. You can buy these lists for under $20/20,000 addresses or you can pay someone a minimal charge to take care of the mailing for you. BE SURE TO START YOUR AD CAMPAIGN IMMEDIATELY! Each day that passes while you think about it is a day without profit. 5. For every $5.00 you receive, all you must do is e-mail them the report they ordered. THAT'S IT! ALWAYS PROVIDE SAME-DAY SERVICE ON ALL ORDERS! This will guarantee that the e-mail THEY send out, with YOUR name and address on it, will be prompt because they can't advertise until they receive the report! ------------------------------------------ AVAILABLE REPORTS ------------------------------------------ ***Order Each REPORT by NUMBER and NAME*** Notes: - ALWAYS SEND $5 CASH FOR EACH REPORT - ALWAYS SEND YOUR ORDER VIA FIRST CLASS MAIL - Make sure the cash is concealed by wrapping it in at least two sheets of paper - On one of those sheets of paper, include: (a) the number & name of the report you are ordering, (b) your e-mail address, and © your postal address. (using your printer is the best way to do this) _________________________________________________________________ REPORT #1 "HOW TO MAKE $250,000 THROUGH MULTI-LEVEL SALES" ORDER REPORT #1 FROM: Stat Services, Inc. PO Box 72 Long Green, MD 21092-9998 _________________________________________________________________ REPORT #2 "MAJOR CORPORATIONS AND MULTI-LEVEL SALES" ORDER REPORT #2 FROM: JNC Marketing of Maryland P.O. Box 25070 Baltimore, MD 21224-5707 *****IMPORTANT NOTE***** Our success is due to sending out emails to prospective participants, we are happy to help you get started by giving you the location of several free programs that will allow you to send out large quantities of e-mail easily. Also, we can help you email to huge lists. We will email the information to you the same day we receive your report request. Just jot down "help please" on the report request that you send with your $5. You will receive our real email address when we send you this report and you can contact us for any questions you may have. (program participants, you may leave this offer with us as we are moved down the list. We will honor it for the duration of the program. Just move it down, with the name, to the next position when you send out your first mailings). _________________________________________________________________ REPORT #3 "SOURCES FOR THE BEST MAILING LISTS" ORDER REPORT #3 FROM: Capital H Ventures P.O. Box 8029 Jacksonville, FL 32239 _________________________________________________________________ REPORT #4 "EVALUATING MULTI-LEVEL SALES PLANS" ORDER REPORT #4 FROM: Abot Marketing PO BOX 2523 Chapel Hill, NC 27515-2523 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HERE'S HOW THIS AMAZING PLAN WILL MAKE YOU $MONEY$ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Let's say you decide to start small just to see how well it works. Assume your goal is to get 10 people to participate on your first level. (Placing a lot of FREE ads on the Internet will EASILY get a larger response.) Also assume that everyone else in YOUR ORGANIZATION gets ONLY 10 down line members. Follow this example to achieve the STAGGERING results below. 1st level--your 10 members with$5...................................$50 2nd level--10 members from those 10 ($5 x 100)..................$500 3rd level--10 members from those 100 ($5 x 1,000)..........$5,000 4th level--10 members from those 1,000 ($5 x 10,000)...$50,000 THIS TOTALS----------->$55,550 Remember friends, this assumes that the people who participate only recruit 10 people each. Think for a moment what would happen if they got 20 people to participate! Most people get 100's of participants! THINK ABOUT IT! Your cost to participate in this is practically nothing (surely you can afford $20 for a chance to make $ 55,000). You obviously already have an Internet connection and e-mail is FREE!!! REPORT# 3 shows you the most productive methods for bulk e-mailing and purchasing e-mail lists. Some list & bulk e-mail vendors even work on trade! About 50,000 new people get online every month! *******TIPS FOR SUCCESS******* * TREAT THIS AS YOUR BUSINESS! Be prompt, professional, and follow the directions accurately. * Send for the four reports IMMEDIATELY so you will have them when the orders start coming in because: When you receive a $5 order, you MUST send out the requested product/report to comply with the U.S. Postal & Lottery Laws, Title 18, Sections 1302 and 1341 or Title 18, Section 3005 in the U.S. Code, also Code of Federal Regs. Vol. 16, Sections 255 and 436, which state that "a product or service must be exchanged for money received." * ALWAYS PROVIDE SAME-DAY SERVICE ON THE ORDERS YOU RECEIVE. * Be patient and persistent with this program. If you follow the instructions exactly, the results WILL undoubtedly be SUCCESSFUL! * ABOVE ALL, HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF AND KNOW YOU WILL SUCCEED! *******YOUR SUCCESS GUIDELINE******* Follow these guidelines to guarantee your success: I CAN'T STRESS ENOUGH HOW IMPORTANT THIS NEXT SECTION IS!!!! If you don't receive 10 to 20 orders for REPORT #1 within two weeks, continue advertising until you do. Then, a couple of weeks later you should receive at least 100 orders for REPORT #2. If you don't, continue advertising until you do. Once you have received 100 or more orders for REPORT #2, YOU CAN RELAX, because the system is already working for you, and the cash will continue to roll in! THIS IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER: Every time your name is moved down on the list, you are placed in front of a DIFFERENT report. You can KEEP TRACK of your PROGRESS by watching which report people are ordering from you. If you want to generate more income, send another batch of e-mails and start the whole process again! There is no limit to the income you will generate from this business! NOTE: If you need help with starting a business, registering a business name, how income tax is handled, etc., contact your local office of the Small Business Administration (a Federal agency) for free help and answers to questions. Also, the Internal Revenue Service offers free help via telephone and free seminars about business taxes. *******T E S T I M O N I A L S******* The first week after I started this program was torture. I couldn't wait to see if it was really going to work after I mailed out my first batch of letters. I chuckle every day now when I walk out of the post office with my envelopes. This is so easy, I still can't believe it's happening! Don Masterson, Troy, NY This program does work, but you must follow it EXACTLY! Especially the rule of not trying to place your name in a different position, it won't work and you'll lose a lot of potential income. I'm living proof that it works. It really is a great opportunity to make relatively easy money, with little cost to you. If you do choose to participate, follow the program exactly, and you'll be on your way to financial security. Sean McLaughlin, Jackson, MS My name is Frank. My wife, Doris, and I live in Bel-Air, MD. I am a cost accountant with a major U.S. Corporation and I make pretty good money. When I received the program I grumbled to Doris about receiving "junk mail." I made fun of the whole thing, spouting my knowledge of the population and percentages involved. I "knew" it wouldn't work. Doris totally ignored my supposed intelligence and jumped in with both feet. I made merciless fun of her, and was ready to lay the old "I told you so" on her when the thing didn't work... Well, the laugh was on me! Within two weeks she had received over 50 responses. Within 45 days she had received over $147,200 in $5 bills! I was shocked! I was sure that I had it all figured and that it wouldn't work. I AM a believer now. I have joined Doris in her "hobby." I did have seven more years until retirement, but I think of the "rat race" and it's not for me. We owe it all to MLM. Frank T., Bel-Air, MD I just want to pass along my best wishes and encouragement to you. Any doubts you have will vanish when your first orders come in. I even checked with the U.S. Post Office to verify that the plan was legal. It definitely is! IT WORKS!!! Paul Johnson, Raleigh, NC The main reason for this letter is to convince you that this system is honest, lawful, extremely profitable, and is a way to get a large amount of money in a short time. I was approached several times before I checked this out. I joined just to see what one could expect in return for the minimal effort and money required. To my astonishment, I received $36,470.00 in the first 14 weeks, with money still coming in. Sincerely yours, Phillip A. Brown, Esq. Not being the gambling type, it took me several weeks to make up my mind to participate in this plan. But conservative that I am, I decided that the initial investment was so little that there was just no way that I wouldn't get enough orders to at least get my money back. Boy, was I surprised when I found my medium-size post office box crammed with orders! For awhile, it got so overloaded that I had to start picking up my mail at the window. I'll make more money this year than any 10 years of my life before. The nice thing about this deal is that it doesn't matter where in the U.S. the people live. There simply isn't a better investment with a faster return. Mary Rockland, Lansing, MI I had received this program before. I deleted it, but later I wondered if I shouldn't have given it a try. Of course, I had no idea who to contact to get another copy, so I had to wait until I was e-mailed another program. 11 months passed then it came...I didn't delete this one!...I made more than $41,000 on the first try!! Wilburn, Muncie, IN This is my third time to participate in this plan. We have quit our jobs, and will soon buy a home on the beach and live off the interest on our money. The only way on earth that this plan will work for you is if you do it. For your sake, and for your family's sake don't pass up this golden opportunity. Good luck and happy spending! Charles Fairchild, Spokane, WA When you have made your money and want to travel, find great cruises, tours and airline tickets at our favorite on-line travel site at http://www.NeTrip.com. This program works. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER AND GIVE YOU FINANCIAL FREEDOM. It has given our marriage the freedom to travel the world. Steve and Eileen, Chicago, IL ORDER YOUR REPORTS TODAY AND GET STARTED ON YOUR ROAD TO FINANCIAL FREEDOM!!!

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No Subject
by Linda Reed--PCC West Campus CSC 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

~ BUMGIRL ~ Entertainment for NastyGirls July 1998 * $7.09 ____________________________ Trojan Horse Sucking Anniversary Issue BumGirl Interview: Wham! Bam! Thank ou Ma'am! T.C. BUTTSLAM {AKA-T.C. May, FifteenInchNails, Human Gus-Peter Sr., AConsistentNetPersonaToBeNamedLater, CypherPunks Philosopher King, The Last True CypherPunk, The Only Real CypherPunk, ad infinitum} VIAGRA AND SALTPETER Jim Belushi's Untold Story Mick Jagger GIVES GREAT LIP! _____________________________________________________________ DEAR BUMGIRL BUMMED BO "I was devastated to learn that the June, 1998, issue of BumBoy Magazine was nothing more than a fraudulent ruse by the Electronic Forgery Foundation. "Were the terrible things said about Tim C. May in the BumBoy Interview with C-J VAN DAMNNED actually true?" ~Eric Cordial, T.O.T.O. {ou will find out in this month's BumGirl Interview, as we bend you over and 'give it to you'--straight from the Horse's Ass. - BG} THE BUMGIRL ADVISOR THE DOORS OF DEPTH PERCEPTION "I gagged Linda Lovelace. What do I do with the body?" ~ William GagHer III, Dawn Long Juan of the CypherPunks Disturbed Male LISP {Wake up! (and smell Jennifer Flowers...) - BG} MOVIES TERMINATING RESISTOR 3 TR3 completes the Magic Circle of Eunuchs with a bizzare, if somewhat predictable twist, as ACyborgToBeNamedLater begins to materialize on the SilverSceenOfVirtualReality in the form of TheRealGuy...naked, as usual. It turns out that the Author, sent back in VirtualRealityTime by John Parker, in order to ensure the safety of Captain John Parker, thus preserving the course of history taken by the American Revolution, got drunker than a skunk on cheap Scotch, and ended up embroiled in the Legendary CypherPunks Moderation Revolution/Anti-Censorship CounterRevolution of 1997, instead. The Author, again predictably, spills Scotch on his Digital Implant during his journey through time, frying the Radio Shack circuitry that resulted in HimOrHer being dubbed, "The Six Million Peso ManOrWoman ($42.00/U.S.)" and becomes a Taoist AuthorBot working for both the Farces of Light and the Farces of Darkness, thus saving the movie producers the expense of paying an extra actor in this low-budget, B-grade Film BlancNoire. The movie quickly degenerates into a pornographic monstrosity, with Sarah Parker, unsure as to who the father of John Parker actually is, since the little glue-sniffing prick was conceived during an alcoholic binge, fucks everyone in sight, to make sure the little bastard gets conceived. The Author, obsessive- compulsive tit-man that he is, invariably throws his hands over her boobs at the slightest sign of danger, claiming, "John's a growing boy...he needs his milk." Investigating the Church of the SubGenius, the AuthorBot soon discovers that the movie is being produced by a group of non- union UnderGroundReptilianNazis, as a result of overhearing several of the producer's phone conversations, which they always end by saying, "Let's do Earth." The AuthorBot develops an obsession with Little Timmy Mayonnaise after becoming sexually excited by the Evil Dr. Vulis's ASCII Art Spams, begins wearing a CoonSkin hat made from the hide of Medgar Evans and drunkenly mumbling, "Remember Los Alamos... Chop, Chop!" at every opportunity. The saving grace of the movie is the soundtrack, courtesy of Al Fowl And The Snakes, a Tucson ReptilianChickenBot Band of ill-repute, featuring their Number 1 With a HollowPoint- TeflonTipped-CopKillerBullet song, "If ou Can't Kill The Authority Figure ou Love/Hate, Kill The One In our Cross- Hairs." BUMGIRL RATING - One Long, Hard Prick Up our Butt __________________________________________________________ BumGirl Interview: T.C. BUTTSLAM A LindaLoveLaceInDepthInterview with one of the original Flounders ("I may smell like fish, but don't call me chicken.") of the CypherPunks Disturbed Male LISP, Timothy C. "No! It doesn't stand for 'cocksucker'!" May. After checking the Andy WhoreHole Mailing List archives, and finding that it was <tcmay(a)got.net> who originally posted the concept that, in the future, every CypherPunk would have 15" of fame, BumGirl EditWhores decided to change the cover of the July, 1998, edition to feature a picture of a variety of current CypherPunks wearing only athletic- support cups with long, long, long bar-codes on them. {ANastyBumGirlToBeReamedLater, caught in a cross-fire on Mayonnaise Mountain between Timothy C. May, the Philosopher Marksman of the CypherPunks Disturbed Male LISP, and LEA's who were badly outmanned and outgunned by the Cult Of One CypherPunk who owns a variety of weaponry registered in the names of a plethora of CypherPunks Consistent Net Personas, bent over and stuck her head in the sand, hoping that if she took one in the butt, it would be a long, hard one, Teflon-tipped, in order to penetrate her new Kevlar panties. The BumGirl interview took place during lulls in the action, when LEA agents carried off their dead and wounded, while LittleBigTimmy and Dust'em Hoffman argued over their Pretty Lousy Privacy CryptoPhones as to how many dead IRS agents it takes to spell, "I *told* you Jim Bell is a CypherPunk!"} BumGirl: our Tim C. May CypherPunks Consistent Net Persona has such long and well-documented history of raising hell with the sides of the Bleeding Edge of InterNet Freedom and Privacy Technology (TCM) that it is hard to know where to begin. TCM: Let's talk about the Author, instead. BumGirl: Shit! Is this interview just another piece of mindless trash from the Electronic Forgery Foundation? TCM: ou don't understand...*I* am the Author! BumGirl: Well, bend me over and pretend we're married! Are you serious? TCM: Nuke DC! But seriously...Nuke DC! BumGirl: If you are really the Author, as you claim, then why aren't you trying to peek up my skirt, to see if I am wearing panties? TCM: That's Toto's schtick...pardon the pun...uuhhh...if it *was* one... Where was I? Hey! There's my shoes... Anyway... That's how the reader can tell which chapters of 'The True Story of the InterNet' manuscripts are authentic, and which ones are forgeries...by the perverted diatribes about peeking up women's skirts that form an integral part of the forgeries of that fucking asshole interloper on my...I mean...'the'... CypherPunks list. Besides, I read the above intro to this BumGirl interview, so I know you're wearing Kevlar panties. That makes me *hot*... BumGirl: Don't! Stop! Just because I have my head in the sand, like your typical AOL'er, doesn't mean I can't tell what you're trying to do back there... Why did you stop? I'm Catholic, so I *have* to tell you to stop. Don't! Stop! Don't stop! Don't stop! TCM: Hey! That's not a diaphragm...that's a *badge* Jesus H. 'Fucking' Christ! ou're Janet ReamHole... DogFacedLyingMurderingNaziCunt! No wonder you've got your head in the sand... [There was a loud popping sound on the audio tape that the BumGirl EditWhores received from some anonymous coward, via snailmail with no return address on the envelope. The freelance BumGirl ReportWhore sent to do the interview mysteriously failed to return, causing us to wonder if we'd been duped, when the head of the DOBJ suddenly became 'unavailable for comment' at the same time our ReportWhore disappeared. A few days later, however, the head of the DOBJ was spotted by the MainDream press as she exited a secret underground lavoratory suspected to be involved in cloning-related technology. Once an anonymous email arrived from Mark Hedges, who really should learn to use learn remailers properly if he's going to claim to be a CypherPunk (hint: delete your digital signature before sending the fucking thing, dude...), BumGirl EditWhores couldn't help but notice that, when she removed her glasses, she *did* look a lot like Buddy...] BUMGIRL DISCLAIMER: There is absolutely no truth to the slanderous rumors being spread by the Church of SubScientology (an affiliate of the Norman Church--more commonly referred to as 'The Church of Jesus H. 'Fucking' Christ of Labor Day Chincs'--headquartered in SaltLick City, China, and long rumored to be the secret lair of the Cult of One Dead Cow, Army of DogEaters Division), turned over the violently abused and sexually violated carcass of our missing BumGirl ReportWhore (dropped off at our offices by a barefoot, toothless old fart wearing a T-shirt with three lines of Perl code on the front) to local Ferral Bureau42 of Instigation foreskinsic axespurts. The truth is, after our own exspurts performed DNA/RSA tests on the body, to determine the exact nature of the bizarre acts of cryptophilia performed upon her after her death, we simply dumped her body next to several others down an old mining shaft at a popular shooting range outside of Tucson, where, unbeknownst to BumGirl, FBI agents were busy going through the pockets of a witness to the Vincent Price/Phiszt Foster parking-lot-car-drowning, having inadvertantly disposed of the body without removing identifying signs such as large diamond rings, expensive watches, folding money and loose change. As the two MotorCycleMommaDykesOnSpikes, hired by BumGirl to dispose of the body, fled the scene, they overheard one of the FBI agents, who had been trained by Lieutenant Calley not to waste perfectly good pussy, exclaim, upon lifting our dead ReportWhore's skirt, "Jesus H. 'Fucking' Christ, it's Jimmy FuckingGodamnn Hoffa!" Apparently, another FBI agent, after performing a street-sniff test on our dead ReportWhore's dick, contended that it was not Hoffa, but J. Edgar Hoover, with another agent confirming his suspicions by giving the dick a long, involved taste-test to preclude any possibility of the dick being a Cirle Of Eunuchs transplant meant to disguise the body as that of the recently missing caterer to the Bay Area CypherPunks physical meetings. The MotorCycleMommaDykesOnSpikes told BumGirl EditWhores, as we paid them the agreed-upon fee of 'as many rolls of quarters as you can carry without using your hands', "We couldn't pass up the opportunity to commit oral sodomy on your dead ReportWhore before dumping HimOrHer down the mind shaft, and, well...she tasted a lot like Buddy..." Although it *is* true that BumGirl hired the current head of the DOBJ to finish the BumGirl interview with TCM, (not to be confused with Turner Classic Movies), we told HimOrHer that the best approach would be to show up unannounced on Mayonnaise Mountain, flash HisOrHer badge, and announce that she was just taking him downtown, 'to answer a few questions." BumGirl EditWhores do not expect the T.C. BUTTSLAM interview to be completed, but we are making plans to include a photo- special in our next edition, titled, "Beware the Ides of May" complete with never-before-seen scenes of oft-rumored but never confirmed Secret CypherPunks Social Activities known only to 34th Degree Masons and Greek immigrant HodCarriers. Also In The August, 1998, Edition Of BumGirl: Army of Bitch Hostage Disposal - "Smoke 'em if you got 'em!" Cult of One Dead Cow Mission Statement & Barbeque Recipe CypherPunks Activity Project #327 - "Test (No Reply)" BumGirl Interview: Buddy "I should have suspected something when the SexCriminal had the WhiteHouse VeteranAryan, Attila T. Hun, pull *all* of my teeth..." CenterFold: Blanc Weber "WhiteLipstick Power in MicroSoft Village" [WAS: MicroHard Victim of Friendly MakeOver--Corporate Assettes Down 2" As BadBillyG Emerges From Closet Dressed For SuckSession, With Micro$not DC NaziSpinLobbyists Standing Firmly <hee-hee> Behind Him] [NEVERWAS: CypherPunks Come Out Of Closet -- EmBareAssed Gay Activists Force Them Back In...]

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BumGirl - SPACE ALIENS HIDE MY DRUGS!!!
by Linda Reed--PCC West Campus CSC 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

~ BUMGIRL ~ Entertainment for NastyGirls July 1998 * $7.09 ____________________________ Trojan Horse Sucking Anniversary Issue BumGirl Interview: Wham! Bam! Thank ou Ma'am! T.C. BUTTSLAM {AKA-T.C. May, FifteenInchNails, Human Gus-Peter Sr., AConsistentNetPersonaToBeNamedLater, CypherPunks Philosopher King, The Last True CypherPunk, The Only Real CypherPunk, ad infinitum} VIAGRA AND SALTPETER Jim Belushi's Untold Story Mick Jagger GIVES GREAT LIP! _____________________________________________________________ DEAR BUMGIRL BUMMED BO "I was devastated to learn that the June, 1998, issue of BumBoy Magazine was nothing more than a fraudulent ruse by the Electronic Forgery Foundation. "Were the terrible things said about Tim C. May in the BumBoy Interview with C-J VAN DAMNNED actually true?" ~Eric Cordial, T.O.T.O. {ou will find out in this month's BumGirl Interview, as we bend you over and 'give it to you'--straight from the Horse's Ass. - BG} THE BUMGIRL ADVISOR THE DOORS OF DEPTH PERCEPTION "I gagged Linda Lovelace. What do I do with the body?" ~ William GagHer III, Dawn Long Juan of the CypherPunks Disturbed Male LISP {Wake up! (and smell Jennifer Flowers...) - BG} MOVIES TERMINATING RESISTOR 3 TR3 completes the Magic Circle of Eunuchs with a bizzare, if somewhat predictable twist, as ACyborgToBeNamedLater begins to materialize on the SilverSceenOfVirtualReality in the form of TheRealGuy...naked, as usual. It turns out that the Author, sent back in VirtualRealityTime by John Parker, in order to ensure the safety of Captain John Parker, thus preserving the course of history taken by the American Revolution, got drunker than a skunk on cheap Scotch, and ended up embroiled in the Legendary CypherPunks Moderation Revolution/Anti-Censorship CounterRevolution of 1997, instead. The Author, again predictably, spills Scotch on his Digital Implant during his journey through time, frying the Radio Shack circuitry that resulted in HimOrHer being dubbed, "The Six Million Peso ManOrWoman ($42.00/U.S.)" and becomes a Taoist AuthorBot working for both the Farces of Light and the Farces of Darkness, thus saving the movie producers the expense of paying an extra actor in this low-budget, B-grade Film BlancNoire. The movie quickly degenerates into a pornographic monstrosity, with Sarah Parker, unsure as to who the father of John Parker actually is, since the little glue-sniffing prick was conceived during an alcoholic binge, fucks everyone in sight, to make sure the little bastard gets conceived. The Author, obsessive- compulsive tit-man that he is, invariably throws his hands over her boobs at the slightest sign of danger, claiming, "John's a growing boy...he needs his milk." Investigating the Church of the SubGenius, the AuthorBot soon discovers that the movie is being produced by a group of non- union UnderGroundReptilianNazis, as a result of overhearing several of the producer's phone conversations, which they always end by saying, "Let's do Earth." The AuthorBot develops an obsession with Little Timmy Mayonnaise after becoming sexually excited by the Evil Dr. Vulis's ASCII Art Spams, begins wearing a CoonSkin hat made from the hide of Medgar Evans and drunkenly mumbling, "Remember Los Alamos... Chop, Chop!" at every opportunity. The saving grace of the movie is the soundtrack, courtesy of Al Fowl And The Snakes, a Tucson ReptilianChickenBot Band of ill-repute, featuring their Number 1 With a HollowPoint- TeflonTipped-CopKillerBullet song, "If ou Can't Kill The Authority Figure ou Love/Hate, Kill The One In our Cross- Hairs." BUMGIRL RATING - One Long, Hard Prick Up our Butt __________________________________________________________ BumGirl Interview: T.C. BUTTSLAM A LindaLoveLaceInDepthInterview with one of the original Flounders ("I may smell like fish, but don't call me chicken.") of the CypherPunks Disturbed Male LISP, Timothy C. "No! It doesn't stand for 'cocksucker'!" May. After checking the Andy WhoreHole Mailing List archives, and finding that it was <tcmay(a)got.net> who originally posted the concept that, in the future, every CypherPunk would have 15" of fame, BumGirl EditWhores decided to change the cover of the July, 1998, edition to feature a picture of a variety of current CypherPunks wearing only athletic- support cups with long, long, long bar-codes on them. {ANastyBumGirlToBeReamedLater, caught in a cross-fire on Mayonnaise Mountain between Timothy C. May, the Philosopher Marksman of the CypherPunks Disturbed Male LISP, and LEA's who were badly outmanned and outgunned by the Cult Of One CypherPunk who owns a variety of weaponry registered in the names of a plethora of CypherPunks Consistent Net Personas, bent over and stuck her head in the sand, hoping that if she took one in the butt, it would be a long, hard one, Teflon-tipped, in order to penetrate her new Kevlar panties. The BumGirl interview took place during lulls in the action, when LEA agents carried off their dead and wounded, while LittleBigTimmy and Dust'em Hoffman argued over their Pretty Lousy Privacy CryptoPhones as to how many dead IRS agents it takes to spell, "I *told* you Jim Bell is a CypherPunk!"} BumGirl: our Tim C. May CypherPunks Consistent Net Persona has such long and well-documented history of raising hell with the sides of the Bleeding Edge of InterNet Freedom and Privacy Technology (TCM) that it is hard to know where to begin. TCM: Let's talk about the Author, instead. BumGirl: Shit! Is this interview just another piece of mindless trash from the Electronic Forgery Foundation? TCM: ou don't understand...*I* am the Author! BumGirl: Well, bend me over and pretend we're married! Are you serious? TCM: Nuke DC! But seriously...Nuke DC! BumGirl: If you are really the Author, as you claim, then why aren't you trying to peek up my skirt, to see if I am wearing panties? TCM: That's Toto's schtick...pardon the pun...uuhhh...if it *was* one... Where was I? Hey! There's my shoes... Anyway... That's how the reader can tell which chapters of 'The True Story of the InterNet' manuscripts are authentic, and which ones are forgeries...by the perverted diatribes about peeking up women's skirts that form an integral part of the forgeries of that fucking asshole interloper on my...I mean...'the'... CypherPunks list. Besides, I read the above intro to this BumGirl interview, so I know you're wearing Kevlar panties. That makes me *hot*... BumGirl: Don't! Stop! Just because I have my head in the sand, like your typical AOL'er, doesn't mean I can't tell what you're trying to do back there... Why did you stop? I'm Catholic, so I *have* to tell you to stop. Don't! Stop! Don't stop! Don't stop! TCM: Hey! That's not a diaphragm...that's a *badge* Jesus H. 'Fucking' Christ! ou're Janet ReamHole... DogFacedLyingMurderingNaziCunt! No wonder you've got your head in the sand... [There was a loud popping sound on the audio tape that the BumGirl EditWhores received from some anonymous coward, via snailmail with no return address on the envelope. The freelance BumGirl ReportWhore sent to do the interview mysteriously failed to return, causing us to wonder if we'd been duped, when the head of the DOBJ suddenly became 'unavailable for comment' at the same time our ReportWhore disappeared. A few days later, however, the head of the DOBJ was spotted by the MainDream press as she exited a secret underground lavoratory suspected to be involved in cloning-related technology. Once an anonymous email arrived from Mark Hedges, who really should learn to use learn remailers properly if he's going to claim to be a CypherPunk (hint: delete your digital signature before sending the fucking thing, dude...), BumGirl EditWhores couldn't help but notice that, when she removed her glasses, she *did* look a lot like Buddy...] BUMGIRL DISCLAIMER: There is absolutely no truth to the slanderous rumors being spread by the Church of SubScientology (an affiliate of the Norman Church--more commonly referred to as 'The Church of Jesus H. 'Fucking' Christ of Labor Day Chincs'--headquartered in SaltLick City, China, and long rumored to be the secret lair of the Cult of One Dead Cow, Army of DogEaters Division), turned over the violently abused and sexually violated carcass of our missing BumGirl ReportWhore (dropped off at our offices by a barefoot, toothless old fart wearing a T-shirt with three lines of Perl code on the front) to local Ferral Bureau42 of Instigation foreskinsic axespurts. The truth is, after our own exspurts performed DNA/RSA tests on the body, to determine the exact nature of the bizarre acts of cryptophilia performed upon her after her death, we simply dumped her body next to several others down an old mining shaft at a popular shooting range outside of Tucson, where, unbeknownst to BumGirl, FBI agents were busy going through the pockets of a witness to the Vincent Price/Phiszt Foster parking-lot-car-drowning, having inadvertantly disposed of the body without removing identifying signs such as large diamond rings, expensive watches, folding money and loose change. As the two MotorCycleMommaDykesOnSpikes, hired by BumGirl to dispose of the body, fled the scene, they overheard one of the FBI agents, who had been trained by Lieutenant Calley not to waste perfectly good pussy, exclaim, upon lifting our dead ReportWhore's skirt, "Jesus H. 'Fucking' Christ, it's Jimmy FuckingGodamnn Hoffa!" Apparently, another FBI agent, after performing a street-sniff test on our dead ReportWhore's dick, contended that it was not Hoffa, but J. Edgar Hoover, with another agent confirming his suspicions by giving the dick a long, involved taste-test to preclude any possibility of the dick being a Cirle Of Eunuchs transplant meant to disguise the body as that of the recently missing caterer to the Bay Area CypherPunks physical meetings. The MotorCycleMommaDykesOnSpikes told BumGirl EditWhores, as we paid them the agreed-upon fee of 'as many rolls of quarters as you can carry without using your hands', "We couldn't pass up the opportunity to commit oral sodomy on your dead ReportWhore before dumping HimOrHer down the mind shaft, and, well...she tasted a lot like Buddy..." Although it *is* true that BumGirl hired the current head of the DOBJ to finish the BumGirl interview with TCM, (not to be confused with Turner Classic Movies), we told HimOrHer that the best approach would be to show up unannounced on Mayonnaise Mountain, flash HisOrHer badge, and announce that she was just taking him downtown, 'to answer a few questions." BumGirl EditWhores do not expect the T.C. BUTTSLAM interview to be completed, but we are making plans to include a photo- special in our next edition, titled, "Beware the Ides of May" complete with never-before-seen scenes of oft-rumored but never confirmed Secret CypherPunks Social Activities known only to 34th Degree Masons and Greek immigrant HodCarriers. Also In The August, 1998, Edition Of BumGirl: Army of Bitch Hostage Disposal - "Smoke 'em if you got 'em!" Cult of One Dead Cow Mission Statement & Barbeque Recipe CypherPunks Activity Project #327 - "Test (No Reply)" BumGirl Interview: Buddy "I should have suspected something when the SexCriminal had the WhiteHouse VeteranAryan, Attila T. Hun, pull *all* of my teeth..." CenterFold: Blanc Weber "WhiteLipstick Power in MicroSoft Village" [WAS: MicroHard Victim of Friendly MakeOver--Corporate Assettes Down 2" As BadBillyG Emerges From Closet Dressed For SuckSession, With Micro$not DC NaziSpinLobbyists Standing Firmly <hee-hee> Behind Him] [NEVERWAS: CypherPunks Come Out Of Closet -- EmBareAssed Gay Activists Force Them Back In...]

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Message From Jim Bell
by nobody＠REPLAY.COM 17 Dec '03

17 Dec '03

Jim would like to thank those of you who have sent him hidden files, as he requested. However, he would appreciate it if you clueless fucks would send the hidden files in *cakes*, not in floppy disks. [I told him it was a mistake to post to the Cypherpunks AOL Distributed Node.] Nobody Juno, eh?

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