Restore your manliness for yourself,for her and for your love.

[Jannie Drake]

we lived on a corner in a typical oc tract neighborhood 


i really really need my bedroom to be simple and uncluttered and white for calming purposes you know what i mean


Ill show you what ive been working on soon- theyre presents and i have to give them away first have a nice monday


even more obsessed with flickr than usual of late


and i cheat like alot well usually i ease up on weekends but i feel so crappy and bloated again that i cant wait to start eating right on monday but i have kind of had to tell myself this is just the new lifestyle and if i want to indulge every now and again im going to cause id rather die than not be able to have some chips and guac or a slice of cake every now and again so if i eat like this 90% of the time then ive noticed that my body or the scale doesnt mind if i wander in my choices a bit the other 10% exercising everyday helps with this too i feel like its a great trade off- feeling great and a regular period for a little self control


Taking the valentines happy girl


i think they are so cute i love her litte handwriting and she is beyond excited to pass them out some other projects she and i looked at but didnt get around to (of course) from martha (of course)


but the pattern is still available


me um we didnt have disney games when i was five


i swear nothing makes me happier than a peaceful space and some needles 


where are neighborhoods like that anymore with bushes big enough to hide in and kids that go around the block together all afternoon and normal sized houses and the old winkfields next door ok i dont need the winkfields but id sure love to give my kids the rest


did anyone else sustain life with saltines from the ages of 13-17


im just obsessed with him 


messes are piling up around me making it hard to relax and get well i cant cuddle grant or cate- they need to stay well- so they are steering clear of me i am bored and tired and achy


with that heres the stuff i eat salad with chicken a different salad with chicken repeat repeat this is the hard thing about it not a ton of delicious options im kind of kidding ive found a few other yummy things too


but the commonality between each experience was- it was out of my hands i occasionally fell in love with someone who couldnt be had i occasionally had to run from someone who wouldnt let me go


and then i realized i love her so much


all day the kids hung out at that corner played on that grass got drinks out of that hose went through the secret passage way in the juniper bushes and only left the area to go around the block over and over again sometimes it was on bikes with banana seats sometimes roller skates sometimes big wheels sometimes walking even occasionally on skateboards with cardboard boxes on them (our cars) 


it transported me back in time to simpler sunnier days and its been making really happy to stare at today


she is my best babysitter for cate she takes turns with me putting cate to bed and being her pillow 

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