My water bottle is empty and I would like to fill it before trying to start a fire, after gathering some tinder. When very confused, it is much easier to make a smoky fire that is very hot, and that dehydrates one if near.

[spam] I'm presently looking for a dead evergeen branch hanging in the air. These are easy ways in evergeen woods to find a lot of small kindling at once: all the branching twigs. I'm probably expecting this to be easy because this is an evergreen woods.

I'm having trouble controlling my body and am worried I may go indoors. I usually stay indoors for a couple weeks, when I do. I have a few little twigs in my hand to remind me to gather more tinder. I would like to have to use forceful effort and changing dissociation less, right now, to protect part of my mind. I'm just standing here, a little confused, as often goes. I have yet to get inside my sleeping bag successfully this week or two. It would be good to gather more tinder.

I have an issue where, when I make fires, I do this: - I put wet wood in, and do not remove it when begins stifling the fire - I put small, easy to burn things on top, and larger, harder to burn things on bottom. (Fire goes upward) The result of these behaviors is that it is very hard to sustain a hearth. Instead fires burn out quickly, and I end up using up all my tinder as fuel to sustain them. The experience of this failure has many parts, but one is related to impatience and timing. A good hearth fire, everything is done in a planning way, not a responsive way. Impatience doesn't make a sustained fire, while I have these bad habits. I also ignore what the fire needs, instead putting in things that are just barely what it doesn't, with regard to amount of tinder and such. If I want to try again, I would need more tinder. I like how gathering tinder lets me move my body. I get to move my body so rarely.

I did manage to get in my sleeping bag, which is great. I'm doing much better with the mosquitos. I don't presently have a plan for if they become unbearable: but they aren't becoming this yet.

Parallel issue: the foot of my sleeping bag appears soaked. Its very warm today but this could get me pretty cold during the night. The simplest solution to this is to put one or two "hot hands" heat pads into it, emergency consumables that make things super hot for many hours. I have some indoors, so I'd need to prepare behaviors for leaving after entering, which just takes some psychological stuff. That's for tonight. A better, more long term, solution would be to tie my tarp up so it keeps it dry. I'd need rope for that and I think I have some in my truck. An even better solution is to build a shelter. I'd also like to set up for living in the back of my truck, which I've been somewhat set up for in the past.

I'm in my truck. My cell phone is plugged in now, likely charging a little. I'm noting that there is an electrical problem with the light that should be easy for me to fix, here. I've been planning to address it for quite some time. It's a good investment because then I can work on making it livable at night much more conveniently. My goal is to find my box containing rope. There's a small chance it's indoors, but I expect it to be out here. My expectations are often wrong due to shifting my mind around all the time to get things done, and bursts of amnesia I have. I expect it's been a number of months since I've looked at this box. [spam]?

I'm really happy that I feel like I can stay outside for a bit, and I got my rope (there was a 2nd rope in my rope box I couldn't see until after I got a rope outside the rope box and decided to use that one), and I got into my sleeping bag, and I got the hot hands, and I lit a fire even though I needed tinder. I also emptied a very bulky water container earlier, which I'd been planning to empty for weeks. I'm just standing here being happy. I'm not sure what to do, and it's take psychological tricks to use my inner judgement, so I'm just enjoying that I can stand here without having an urge to go indoors. [spam]?

I'm pretty confused and posting is getting harder. I lit a better fire, but didn't collect more fuel when needed. One approach is gathering more in advance. My cellphone will run out of electricity soon. I could charge it in the truck, but I want to cover the foot of my bedding before I do that, for when I dissociate in the truck bed for an unknown amount of time, in case it rains.

242p Let's cover the foot of the bedding up. The urge to do this isn't creating behavior.

I've mismanaged my bedding and need to change that. I have the hot hands to prevent injury. I did not need to use them last night. In addition to the foot of the bedding being wet, two of the strips of bark tying my wool blanket to my tarp have broken, leaving the two disconnected. And while we're mentioning it, my tarp is full of holes. But I covered the foot of my bed, meeting my request. It would be more responsible, now that I see how wet it is, to remove it and hang it to dry. This would mean also removing the rest of the bedding, which will take more of the kind and mysterious behavior authorization.

In truck. Charging phone. Bed not addressed. Phone is relief because can use technology addiction to stay outdoors a little. Joke about wireheads and augmentations in future. Truck looks like many areas held with high value by people in situations like mine: unimaginable mess.

my tarp is full of holes.

Gave a hole-free type of cover away once, at least 10m x 10m, said he would definitely use it, dumbfuck and his hot wife binned it unused without bothering to return it. Now neither of us have cover on hand to give you or the 50 people it could have covered from rain. It may have been too heavy to use as parachute[s] to drop internet into Cuba, you would have to explore cost of such rocket motors per mass lofted, etc. The lorry took it to the fill, so it's damaged and dirty and buried now. But like the Bitcoin hard drive, maybe someone will like to dig it up to recycle, sell, or museum it, or not. That is one [ot][spam] story of covers.

2nd morning outdoors ! The goal this morning is to hang my bedding to dry. To take it all out, see what's wet, and dry it. Phone has 4% battery so let's do this quick!

In truck. Phone charging. Setting up laptop! The big concern today is taking the bedding down. When I have more trouble controlling my body it could be harder to put my bed back together. Seems promising atm. Would also like to: - fix light in truck - lay cardboard out in sun to dry - call therapist intake - organise truck power system so solar can provide for everything when not driving - set up truck again for living in

I've been pretty crazy the past two days. I'm in my truck right now and itjust started raining. It hasn't been 7 days yet, although I'm not sure how many it's been. I WANT TO GET WET IN THE RAIN. I DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP INDOORS.

MY NAME IS STILL VICTIM OF HORIFFIC UNDISCUSSED ABUSE UNLESS I CAN GET WET IN THE RAIN

I'm struggling. I'm experiencing desires and plans to go indoors again. Not with reasons or feelings. It's just all there is, like there's nothing else to do.

I'll get a warm coat and try to start a fire again.

I also haven't started a fire. I would like to take my warm coat and another wool item and lay down outdoors to do the writhing thing or whatnot.

Thinking of email signatures ... Idea: (note the information I have is not the silly stuff I post to the list) ---- I have information on criminal operations but was abused giving me dissociative flashbacks when I try to convey it to authorities. Similarly, I avoid therapists who could help me. When I am hospitalized, there is no therapist, nobody to talk to about these things. Please, talk with me about what I experienced. If I don't respond with excitement and keep talking with you until we reach authorities, then either out communications are being intercepted or I am having another dissociative flashback.

How confusing! Let's try to take those two wool things to a place for a fire.

I used to live outdoors. I don't understand these behaviors.

It's the night of 9/1, the morning of 9/2, 5:17a and I've been indoors for some hours. I came indoors at night some days ago panicing from a bell's palsy issue. My eye hurt; it got better. Tonight I came in from the rain. My sleeping bag was getting pretty wet. I wasn't managing it well, and I was frustrated with the difficulties controlling my body without a light to see by or a way to keep my things dry. Situation could be eased enough by setting up a raised tarp or clearing the truck out enough to lay down. Right now, it seems over time to go outdoors. The rain has stopped for some time. I can be in my truck, or wear warm thick wool, to be outdoors in the dark wet that is soon to be morning if not already. My resistance parts are exhausted. Really exhausted. 5:21

I am now outdoors in my truck. A small blanket is laid down for ease. I still need to: - put on my outdoor wool pants - collect my rained-on bedding to dry Also have: - possibly mention behavior-part issues: [we aren't developing results from what we consider. We really need to gently work on that with result. Somebody also mentioned an in-brain mitm possibly from misbehaving brain parts.] But not if not good to.

On Tue, Aug 24, 2021, 2:28 PM coderman wrote:

‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ Original Message ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ On Tuesday, August 24th, 2021 at 10:07 AM, Karl wrote:

...

I'm currently sitting in an area outdoors with mosquitos.

I don't know how to stay outdoors reliably without either (a) a break from the mosquitos or (b) willpower to influence my psychological and behavioral histamine response.

hey Karl,

i am traveling, so this is not signed - but the following advice for bugs: - citronella candles for general deterrence. - DEET spray or lotion for personal protection.

I have 3 citronella candles and I am aware of wild herbs that can be used to make more. regarding allergies, i usually have to wear a mask outdoors now, my

allergies have gotten so bad. :/

Sounds similar to mosquitos, am I off base? the good news is that N95 masks work to filter out all airborne allergens.

if i don't wear one, a few hours outdoors and i get feverish, start to have trouble breathing (head&chest inflammation)

Some people get so sensitized this even happens in damp buildings and stuff. It seems important to learn how what changes it. Honestly I wish I had the freedom to suffer outdoors. like your mosquitos, i tune out the mask when focusing on other things.

Luckily I have clothes I can rip if I need a mask. good luck! enjoy nature :)

:P Thanks. Hope you're doing something you enjoy.

Further thoughts: - i have seen benadryl-based antihystamines powerfully repurposed between internal and external uses with great success in emergencies. - I have seen people crippled by allergies to things that are absolutely everywhere, and driven homeless, injured, and insane by this. - I have always been able to manage my allergies with careful and gentle management of exposure and willpower, to make them go away. Including poison ivy. I have not met many other people to say this. I also observe our medical culture to discourage trying it. I am not myself interested in protective chemicals -- I would rather have the freedom to pursue gentle exposure, when the situation is not dangerous. - I am not asking others to go outdoors, or expose themselves to unpleasant things.