[spam] [spam] [spam] How to plan to subvert communication barriers
Joke: Innocent Person: I want to communicate privately with my home country! Torture Victim: Oh, I know how to do that! IP: How? TV: Tell your local law enforcement about plans, and why you have them. Then kill them for wanting to know. Then tell the border Patrol about your plans, and why you have them. Then kill them for asking anybody that ever. Then, in your destination country, find the local authorities, and tell them about what you are doing, and why. Then kill them, too. Then call up your friend and cry about what you did. IP: That is the worst advice I have ever received. TV: It worked for me! How did you escape from your super-soldier research program?
TV: They key here is to kill me, after you learn that I am controlling and revealing you. IP: I don't kill people. Have you heard of common sense? TV: If you don't kill me, I will take your identity and leave you penniless and drugged in the streets. It is all I know how to do to survive. IP: You are hilarious! Here, let me take you to this restaurant. Have you heard of public-key cryptography? TV: Do you have any powerful friends we could invite to join us at the restaurant? Maybe somebody who tends to secretly record people and share it? Later ... TV is drunk and passionately fighting a granite bust in IP's apartment. ...
--- Redo: IP: How do I talk about how they hurt their people when they talk with outsiders? TV: Are you trying to hurt me?? IP: No! That makes no sense! Are you trying to brainwash me? TV: Yes. Can you please do anything to stop me? IP: Don't worry. I have a very strong mind. You can't brainwash me. TV: What a way to get brainwashed! Imagine encrypting a message by feeling confident that nobody will look at it. I discovered a way to encrypt any message easily! I tell people it is securely encrypted. It works every time! IP: Now are you brainwashing me? TV: I thought you were saying you were the only person on earth who could talk and act on the postal service being a trash compactor. IP: Yes. I am certain that that is a solvable problem.
7 other torture victims come and quietly surround TV and IP. TV: If you are the only person who can break the firewall, then it is our job to make sure you don't. We will be following you everywhere you go. IP: Seriously ?? I thought you said you had escaped? Don't you _want_ to bust the firewall? TV: Of course I do! IP: From what it sounds like you've been through, breaking this firewall should be like nothing for you. You are so tough! You would be _helping_ me for the sheer rebellion of it! TV: I suppose ... Let me let my boss know this job is different.
Later ... IP stands over the dead body of TV. It is one among maybe two hundred dead bodies of various nationalities strewn around, some of them still gripping each other in bitter struggle. IP is shocked. They take a photo.
IP, at restaurant: His last words to me were, "We won't survive, but neither will they, and it will be _fucking_ worth it.". I don't think he even believed anybody could break the firewall. He had some way of covering up evidence of where we went and what we did, already. IP2: You going to finish that lobster, or what?
IP: Did you even hear the incredible story I just told? IP2: Honestly I was a little distracted. Was it the kind of thing you'd talk about in a public restaurant? Somebody comes and sits down at the table as if they belong there. IP: Excuse me? IP looks at the newcomer. They are almost the spitting image of Torture Victim 1. IP turns ashen. IP: I saw you die! TV Doppelganger: Must have been somebody else. So, what are you guys talking about?
IP is hiding in the bathroom, shaking in a closed stall. Sometimes they sob.
TV Doppelganger comes into the bathroom and walks by a crack in the doorframe. IP: Stop following me! TV Doppelganger: Look. It's all great and all that you're a little sad your friend died. But this is serious. TV Doppelganger quickly cuts the lock on the bathroom stall and enters, and looks IP straight in the eye. TV Doppelganger: If you ever try something like that again, you need to work with us, do you understand? We can protect you. Why didn't you give your first contact a way to stay safe?
IP: I'm just a hacker! I don't have a military bunker for foreign agents to hide in! TVD: You bust firewalls covertly as an offhand thing and you expect me to believe you had no way to prevent this? IP: I barely know what's going on here! I'm don't bust firewalls for a living, I just write computer code. TVD: Seriously? I came all the way out here for this? IP: Firewalls are easy to bust for people experienced with computer code. Teenagers do it, all the time. TVD: Huh. TVD leaves the bathroom. IP is shaken up.
Back at the table ...
IP2: So you didn't die? TVD: No, IP is just a little paranoid. Let me tell you about this time I got drunk at has apartment ... he has this ridiculous granite bust there ... IP comes back from the bathroom slowly, and sits down at the table, tense. TVD: So, how would you guys feel if some country was just letting you kick it around like a paper bag? IP2 began covertly recording on a device in their pocket. TVD: Wouldn't you feel frustrated that they didn't defend themselves better? What kind of politics and cultures would you force them to hold? IP2: Oh you mean like badly-abused-third-world-nation? IP: It sounds sad. I would be kind and protective of such a country. TVD: I don't mean badly-abused-third-world-nation. I mean _your_ _country_. IP: You're trying to brainwash us! I can recognise it now! TVD stared at IP like they were a clown on a unicycle in the middle of a battlefield.
IP2: Ha. It's pretty obvious you're pretending to be TV, too. They were nothing like you and had a mole on their noise. TVD looked surprised and scared. TVD: What you guys are doing here is incredibly dangerous. You are like children playfully handing guns to covert people who have kidnapped them, thinking these people are friends of their family. IP2: Covert people, you say? TVD: If I don't get replaced, you needed to run. Here's what everyone needs to know: don't talk about hiding your information, yourselves, your friends, or certainly not anybody in another country, in front of us, if you ever want to be able to actually do it. Don't talk about anyone else who can do that, if you want them to ever be able to. Don't even talk directly about what is real. People who aren't protecting you and your family, will act on what is real, if you talk about it. And then you and your family can get hurt. IP: That's ridiculous. The guy you were pretending to be, hid me all the time, back when he was alive. We chatted like it was a party! TVD looked at IPD pointedly: You mean me? IP: I mean the man I saw die, not you. Our children play hide and seek all the time, and many are experts! Do you remember what I said in the bathroom? IP was getting a little scared. TVD looked at IP as if they had accidentally shot an innocent clown on a unicycle, instead of taking out a sniper who had now fired.
And then a woman in her fifties walks in and pulls TVD's mask off. Surprise Visitor: Thank you so much for helping us sort out our escaped AI! Please return to your freedom work if anybody can think about this without freaking out, we're very interested in asking you how it could be handled better!
participants (1)
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Karl