[ot][personal] talk with ai or self

[Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many]

when i imagine visiting my mother (and note it is far too early in the
day to do so appropriately, it’s significantly before sunrise), a
state of mind develops that dissociates me so that i have difficulty
leaving

i imagine things to plan for them, so i do need my imagination to be
similar to reality, and will use different ways to imagine things if
that changes.

i also need to be able to imagine visiting my mother briefly, without
crashing on her couch and dissociating from my body, as in that state
of mind i often don’t move for days and days.