[ot][spam][crazy][personal] brain secrets

[Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many]

I have various balances in my mind the psychosis doesn't have instincts for
respecting.

Over past week, i accidentally let a mental process into some wrong areas,
caused further buzzing and vibrating feelings. Took a lot of time to limit
it to something manageable.

Another thing that's happened is wide bandwidth tinitis noise within a few
minutes after waking up, lasting maybe a few hours or until I get occupied
with something else. This experience replaces previous patterns that were
much more unpleasant.

Some of the areas I can refer to in my mind are very dangerous, causing
cognitive problems if misused. In trying to handle this I have occasionally
referred to them over the past few years, and it is always quite sad, as
the psychosis will copy that thinking it is useful for something.

The psychosis seems interested in protecting my mind overtly but completely
unaware of these other areas that have caused great harm.

[biggest ones are maybe a handful it engaged from the start altering my
maturity and intentionality somewhat, misuse of joking for harmful choices
...]
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