In this week's Easter Fools' Issue of Shift Control: "Not only did Christ not die on the cross, but his body was never placed in the tomb at Golgotha. Indeed, by the infamous "third day" Christ had most likely already rounded the Italian coast and was, for all we know, exchanging anecdotes with Sardinian crab merchants." - Paul Robinson on the imminent resurrection of Jesus's freshly discovered remains. "The post-war baby-boomer generation keeps getting ever more wistful for its lost youth. Bowie begat Suede; the Beatles and the Small Faces begat Brit pop; Rod Stewart begat everything in a skirt in the Seventies and these days his torch is carried by Mark Morrison." - Robin Hunt on the resurrection of nostalgia. "Identical lambs are gambolling in the fields. Six-legged featherless chickens are hatching from their eggs. Piglets ready to offer their organs for every transplant need are snuffling in the new grass. A herd of calves trot happily to the slaughterhouse. It's Easter, time of regeneration and renewal, and all is well with the world." - Bronwen Davies on genetic manipulation and cloning: resurrection for the Nineties. "The gods we buried previously now arise as green shoots and come into their own at the harvest. We drink their blood and eat their flesh when we pass around the wine, beer, bread and cakes in the glorious evenings of autumn. For pagans the deities symbolise the fruits of the year - Christianity, for some reason, chose to reverse this." - Druid Steve Wilson on resurrection, pagan-style "There are a number of things I would require of anyone who would be able to clone me. I would first require that he make two clones instead of one. Next, I would demand that neither of these cloned boys be circumcised. I was and although I do not remember the experience I do well remember when I had my tonsils taken out." - Robert Nicolai on how he should be resurrected through cloning. Also this week: Your chance to win 200 quid in our fiction competition; more memoirs from Freebee the rock 'n' roll bee; and our latest quiz: how wild are you about Jesus? All this and more, waiting and willing at: http://www.shiftcontrol.com ------------------------------------------------------------------ Shift Control is produced by the Guardian's New Media Lab with help from Boddingtons and Stella Artois Dry To unsubscribe from this mailing list send e-mail to shiftcontrol-request@nml.guardian.co.uk with the following text in the body of the mail message: unsubscribe