[Humor] Kennedy's New Legislation
Something amusing from alt.true-crime with definite crypto parallels to certain Swinestein and Freeh initiatives. It is rare to find material that rises to the Toto level of comedy on Usenet. ----- Newsgroups: alt.true-crime Subject: Kennedy Death Spurs Legislative Initiative Date: Fri, 02 Jan 1998 22:44:03 GMT Message-ID: <68jrg6$eil@dfw-ixnews6.ix.netcom.com> BOSTON, Mass. (AP) - Sen. Ted Kennedy announced here today that he will introduce a bill limiting access to skis and ski poles. The "Winter Sports Safety Bill" is believed to be a reaction to the recent death of the Senator's nephew Michael Kennedy in a skiing accident. "When skis were invented, they were made out of wood," Kennedy said. "Today's skis are simply to powerful and dangerous to be in the hands of people. There is no constitutional right to skiing. We feel that people will have to sacrifice some of their freedoms for the protection of society as a whole." One provision will license all dealers in skis. These licenses will involve fingerprinting, background checks, body cavity searches, and photographs of anybody wishing to be in the business of selling skis and ski poles. Another section of the bill bans any ski pole under 36" in length and any ski which is not at least 48" in length. The bill also addresses ski wax. Studies have shown that some waxes actually make the skis go faster, creating a greater danger of death to the skier. Skiers also use the faster skis to outrun the ski patrol, which is not an acceptable practice. A five day waiting period will be required for all ski and ski pole sales. People will be required to provide their social security number and floor plan of their homes before being permitted to purchase skis. "There are simply too many people getting excited about skiing. Easy access to skis is the major reason people get killed on those things. They should have to wait before they can pick up their skis. I am sure that this 'cooling off period' will save lives," Kennedy said. Another bill has been introduced that will ban 'ski carrying devices' on tops of cars that have a capacity of greater than ten skis. "There is simply no reason why anybody needs more than ten skis. You can't ski on more than two at the same time. People with more than ten skis are simply up to no good," said Kennedy. Statistics quoted by the Center for Disease Control show that skiing was second only to drowning as the leading cause of death for people close to the Kennedy family. OTHER RELATED STORIES: - Ted Kennedy Denies Driving Michael to Aspen. - Study Links Skiing to Suicides. - Clinton Calls for Restrictions on "Cop Killer" Ski Poles. - Washington DC to Buy Back Skis for $2 Each. - Dianne Feinstein Vows Defeat for the National Skiing Association. -- Eric Michael Cordian 0+ O:.T:.O:. Mathematical Munitions Division "Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole Of The Law"
At 4:48 PM -0800 1/2/98, Eric Cordian wrote:
Newsgroups: alt.true-crime Subject: Kennedy Death Spurs Legislative Initiative Date: Fri, 02 Jan 1998 22:44:03 GMT Message-ID: <68jrg6$eil@dfw-ixnews6.ix.netcom.com>
BOSTON, Mass. (AP) - Sen. Ted Kennedy announced here today that he will introduce a bill limiting access to skis and ski poles. The "Winter Sports Safety Bill" is believed to be a reaction to the recent death of the Senator's nephew Michael Kennedy in a skiing accident. ...
And on a more serious note, one thing this affair shows is that once again, the Kennedy clan (KC) lives by different rules. Whether it's Edward Kennedy getting off in the Mary Jo Kopechne case, when any of us would have likely been charged with a) drunk driving, b) leaving the scene, c) lying in an investigation, or whether it's this very same Michael Kennedy getting off with his underage babysitter.... (Why was he not charged with statutory rape? Because the KC got to the babysitter and, it is widely reported, bought her off. So why was the _criminal_ charge of statutory rape not still applied? Because the babysitter wouldn't testify.) And so on, over and over again. Wanna bet that if I was on the hill in Aspen horsing around playing ski football and behaving like a drunken lout with a bunch of other people the ski patrol would whistle us down and tell us to knock it off? Justice has always been for sale in America. But with tens of thousands of new laws, the effects are just becoming more obvious. I say the death of Michael Kennedy, as with the death of Princess Di, was just an example of evolution in action. (An imperfect example, of course, as Di had already been bred.) Regrettably, this satire about the Safe Slopes and Children's Protection Act of 1998 is on the mark. Clueless bimbos like Swinestein, who's never passed up a chance to make another law, will be jockeying for regulation of the ski slopes...even as the Kennedy Clan remains exempt. --Tim May The Feds have shown their hand: they want a ban on domestic cryptography ---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---- Timothy C. May | Crypto Anarchy: encryption, digital money, ComSec 3DES: 408-728-0152 | anonymous networks, digital pseudonyms, zero W.A.S.T.E.: Corralitos, CA | knowledge, reputations, information markets, Higher Power: 2^2,976,221 | black markets, collapse of governments. "National borders aren't even speed bumps on the information superhighway."
Tim May <tcmay@got.net> writes:
And on a more serious note, one thing this affair shows is that once again, the Kennedy clan (KC) lives by different rules. Whether it's Edward Kennedy getting off in the Mary Jo Kopechne case, when any of us would have likely been charged with a) drunk driving, b) leaving the scene, c) lying in an investigation, or whether it's this very same Michael Kennedy getting off with his underage babysitter....
Joe Kennedy was a common thug, no different from the Gambinos and the Genoveses. He made millions of dollars during the prohibition smuggling whiskey from Canada. He personally murdered numerous of fellow drug dealers and law enforcement officers (OK, he's not all bad :-) and dozens more were murdered on his orders. He then bought political offices for his kids, which is precisely what his colleagues - cocaine and heroin deales from Cali, medellin, etc cartels - get blamed for in Mexico and Colombia. --- Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps
At 17:17 -0800 1/2/98, Tim May wrote:
Wanna bet that if I was on the hill in Aspen horsing around playing ski football and behaving like a drunken lout with a bunch of other people the ski patrol would whistle us down and tell us to knock it off?
We have a good story in this week's Time that talks about how the ski resort had repeatedly asked the Kennedys to knock it off. Including the night before the accident. Even on the "fateful" afternoon, the ski patrol had told the Kennedys -- the last on the slopes -- it was time to quit. "Nevertheless, 36 members of the Kennedy party prepared to play." -Declan
Declan McCullagh <declan@well.com> writes:
We have a good story in this week's Time that talks about how the ski resort had repeatedly asked the Kennedys to knock it off. Including the night before the accident. Even on the "fateful" afternoon, the ski patrol had told the Kennedys -- the last on the slopes -- it was time to quit. "Nevertheless, 36 members of the Kennedy party prepared to play."
"Evolution in action." Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool. --- Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps
At 12:02 AM 1/8/98 -0800, Bill Stewart wrote:
At 07:19 PM 1/5/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
"Evolution in action." Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool.
It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced...
No, if it gets them before they could have reproduced more, that's good too. Also, if their absence hurts their existing spawn, that's selection as well. ------------------------------------------------------------ David Honig Orbit Technology honig@otc.net Intaanetto Jigyoubu "How do you know you are not being deceived?" ---A Compendium of Analytic TradeCraft Notes, Directorate of Intelligence, CIA
At 07:19 PM 1/5/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
"Evolution in action." Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool.
It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced... Thanks! Bill Bill Stewart, bill.stewart@pobox.com PGP Fingerprint D454 E202 CBC8 40BF 3C85 B884 0ABE 4639
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- An entity claiming to be Bill Stewart wrote: : : At 07:19 PM 1/5/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote: : >"Evolution in action." : >Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool. : : It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced... : Actually, natural selection in action ... - -- [] Mark Rogaski "That which does not kill me [] wendigo@pobox.com only makes me stranger." [] [] finger wendigo@deathstar.jabberwock.org for PGP key [] anti spambot: postmaster@localhost abuse@localhost uce@ftc.gov -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: PGP for Personal Privacy 5.0 Charset: noconv iQEVAwUBNLWhyXzbrFts6CmBAQH8LQf8D09nOXOktV6P0uCEPKmRc8zc4ho2aXHF t/WhFtgVWIdKNtBqwEYjIy+nS+4Q5Pfj0ZqI2Lj6JVJOpX8B5AqbhiTna7etws4y RhfNMWN1jfA1JHs5BdEnOI5YrkR6HFD9NwtgGIt5sirinuH9kQ5YucxeydOdBw8w mbN1U614rhAaehnVXSQ9v68eTuTWvdeJ+nuLRYblr5JNGsyPvlj3Fb8fQ+9kSod8 o2NCVCkOi3IQzAQWWbyBDS8RWsq77ZR15MRZAN/U5gn5s0Fz8R5Ym3wayEV6CYLv nZ7rtoEEXyM6yjubvVZJB6jYtsE5TJVegO+k0vlocV6jKYsLFxsFtg== =2T8G -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
Mark Rogaski <wendigo@ne-wendigo.jabberwock.org> writes:
An entity claiming to be Bill Stewart wrote: : : At 07:19 PM 1/5/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote: : >"Evolution in action." : >Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool. : : It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced... :
Actually, natural selection in action ...
Same thing... --- Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- On Thu, 8 Jan 1998, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
Mark Rogaski <wendigo@ne-wendigo.jabberwock.org> writes:
An entity claiming to be Bill Stewart wrote: [...] : It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced... :
Actually, natural selection in action ...
Same thing...
There is a diffrence. It is only evoltion if there is a combernation of natural verence and natural selection. If you have a population of unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion or improvement. - -- Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia see the url in my header. Never trust a country with more peaple then sheep. ex-net.scum and proud You Say To People "Throw Off Your Chains" And They Make New Chains For Themselves? --Terry Pratchett. -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.3i Charset: noconv iQCVAwUBNLeFiaQK0ynCmdStAQE0pwP+LGzDzFPvmhUJb1EGGdD2tlRlMR2I4vZA wv1Qv7TIp/WfjgJvEfntiOskd3rbmb8ovm7ovmQgj+m4CbHn8tFcKfRWKKQuFzU4 GIC53FYTUCYYkAPSVLwFVhR/XZ/TlgoWvlaOkjTO5K8vDmCV4C6x1R8B71beeX/+ 1+gjqIeEUNs= =pI6H -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} <dformosa@st.nepean.uws.edu.au> writes:
On Thu, 8 Jan 1998, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
Mark Rogaski <wendigo@ne-wendigo.jabberwock.org> writes:
An entity claiming to be Bill Stewart wrote: [...] : It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced :
Actually, natural selection in action ...
Same thing...
There is a diffrence. It is only evoltion if there is a combernation of natural verence and natural selection. If you have a population of unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion or improvement.
In case of homo sapiens, it is the same thing. Assholes like the Kennedys kill themselves though drugs and reckless skiing before they have a chance to breed (or breed more). One of the reasons why all drugs should be legal is that people who should not breed will use the drugs to kill themselves, leaving more room/wealth/resources for their genetic superiors. --- Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- On Sat, 10 Jan 1998, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} <dformosa@st.nepean.uws.edu.au> writes:
[...]
There is a diffrence. It is only evoltion if there is a combernation of natural verence and natural selection. If you have a population of unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion or improvement.
In case of homo sapiens, it is the same thing.
Of cause, I'm just pedantic enought to point this out. - -- Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia see the url in my header. Never trust a country with more peaple then sheep. ex-net.scum and proud You Say To People "Throw Off Your Chains" And They Make New Chains For Themselves? --Terry Pratchett. -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.3i Charset: noconv iQCVAwUBNLiJ76QK0ynCmdStAQFvVQP+Kxu345PppVVJsfBpmDv779NwbdrG5T28 wkxXH1JokaYstwdRFaW3fi84fuBtrqTmQFQpwZ0F3fCyZ3nxPf8aug3AOxqAzdsE NP4OsTYga5VqP+4ugjzKmjiOZYbyuaSshtFaVHA4wjZ42t7IzBDNWHxOadnNxFFP qfbbBPpDQuk= =yQdZ -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
One of the reasons why all drugs should be legal
is that people who should not breed will use the drugs to kill themselves, leaving more room/wealth/resources for their genetic superiors.
Ah yes, the argument against required motorcycle helmets which looks for the increased organ harvest for transplants. Bogus reasoning. You are sovereign and can do with yourself as you please. *That* is why substances should be legal and helmets should be optional. Pragmatics are irrelevant. I *do* wear seatbelts but it should be my choice, not something the state can use violence to enforce. Pardon for the off-topic.. David Honig honig@alum.mit.edu --------------------------------------------------- If we can prevent the government from wasting the labours of the people under the pretense of caring for them, they will be happy. -TJ
David Honig <honig@otc.net> writes:
One of the reasons why all drugs should be legal
is that people who should not breed will use the drugs to kill themselves, leaving more room/wealth/resources for their genetic superiors.
Ah yes, the argument against required motorcycle helmets which looks for the increased organ harvest for transplants.
Bogus reasoning. You are sovereign and can do with yourself as you please. *That* is why substances should be legal and helmets should be optional. Pragmatics are irrelevant. I *do* wear seatbelts but it should be my choice, not something the state can use violence to enforce.
The above is just one of the reasons why all drugs should be legalized. As for helmets, seatbelts, et al, consider them in context: most kids stupid enough to ride a bike wihtout a helmet are already on welfare. If they get themselves certified brain-damaged (I don't know how the doctors tell the difference :-) they'll be stealing even more of my money through taxes. Therefore in the context of taxpayers paying the medical bills of these parasites, helmets can be required.
Pardon for the off-topic..
I try to find cryptorelevance in the publishing one's results v. secrecy thread. --- Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps
At 09:17 AM 1/11/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
David Honig <honig@otc.net> writes:
Bogus reasoning. You are sovereign and can do with yourself as you please. *That* is why substances should be legal and helmets should be optional. Pragmatics are irrelevant. I *do* wear seatbelts but it should be my choice, not something the state can use violence to enforce.
The above is just one of the reasons why all drugs should be legalized.
Yes, that was the moral one.
As for helmets, seatbelts, et al, consider them in context: most kids stupid enough to ride a bike wihtout a helmet are already on welfare. If they get themselves certified brain-damaged (I don't know how the doctors tell the difference :-) they'll be stealing even more of my money through taxes. Therefore in the context of taxpayers paying the medical bills of these parasites, helmets can be required.
There is a shortage of organ donors. Motorcycle helmet laws cut down the supply. There's your pragmatics, happy now? ------------------------------------------------------------ David Honig Orbit Technology honig@otc.net Intaanetto Jigyoubu "How do you know you are not being deceived?" ---A Compendium of Analytic TradeCraft Notes, Directorate of Intelligence, CIA http://www.jya.com/cia-notes.htm
At 01:28 AM 1/11/98 +1100, ? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} wrote:
If you have a population of unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion or improvement.
A population *must* undergo variation in its heriditary units since 1. there's always errors in copying the code 2. equivalently, you can't drive the error rate of a channel down to 0, just arbitrarily close. So your herd of clones will eventually acquire some genetic diversity and selection necessarily follows. Geez are we off-subject. David Honig honig@alum.mit.edu --------------------------------------------------- If we can prevent the government from wasting the labours of the people under the pretense of caring for them, they will be happy. -TJ
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- On Sun, 11 Jan 1998, David Honig wrote: [...]
At 01:28 AM 1/11/98 +1100, ? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} wrote:
If you have a population of unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion or improvement.
A population *must* undergo variation in its heriditary units since 1. there's always errors in copying the code 2. equivalently, you can't drive the error rate of a channel down to 0, just arbitrarily close.
This is true, of cause if you have a population like this that will most likely get killed off by the next pathogen. - -- Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia see the url in my header. Never trust a country with more peaple then sheep. ex-net.scum and proud You Say To People "Throw Off Your Chains" And They Make New Chains For Themselves? --Terry Pratchett. -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.3i Charset: noconv iQCVAwUBNLqxNqQK0ynCmdStAQGaXAQA2THcmQ62FS4qIfH/zhmADK58zR+uaaVG B+pyTIB5hHiybxE9hW9jTWrzQIDsWQQ9gAh9ScOVM0xYJwCoU2gPwLNa16Yl7+2L z7dkLoA2bt4wfDVLNxN8lDafxzWOW5Yzw4BYB3CR6/milnZaVqXhnumTblwZ0zKe fXzYKFE0VYU= =GLu8 -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
participants (8)
-
? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} -
Bill Stewart -
David Honig -
Declan McCullagh -
dlv＠bwalk.dm.com -
Eric Cordian -
Mark Rogaski -
Tim May