I have been reading this list for some time now but have only posted a few messages, you might recall them, they were about the government using perceived threats to convince the public that they needed legislation to protect them from harmful elements on the Internet. I am not posting now about any sort of government conspiracy or mind control tactics used to convince people they need to give up rights in order to be safe, I am posting to tell you all how very wrong I was. I have just come from the neurologist where I was diagnosed with dementia pornographia, a syndrome caused by exposure to pornography. I have been afflicted with an obsession with pornography since I first realized I was attracted to women. I remember looking at them and imagining them with no clothes on. I know now that this is when the damage was begun, and there is nothing I can do now to reverse it. My first taste of pornography was in junior high school. We had a sex ed class and the textbook was full of crudely drawn genetalia. I looked at these pictures frequently while studying, little did I know what was being done to me, the pictures were causing chemical changes in my brain, stimulating synapses and causing neurons to fire. At first I was like any normal kid, very loving and close to my family. As I got drawn deeper and deeper into pornography I changed, first I started hanging around with other boys interested in female genetalia. Then I started searching through my parents belongings and stealing whatever I could to support my habits. Newspapers, catalogs, books, national geographic, anything with pictures of women in it would do. My parents didn't understand what I was going through they just assumed that I was going through a phase, they didn't know that my little "phase" caused new hormones to be released into my brain changing it for good. Through most of my high school and college years I was a dedicated porn user. I always surrounded myself with people that thought porn was "cool" or that it was "no big deal". I became increasingly estranged from my family and even went so far as to move away from home for my freshman year in college. I was 18 now and could legally buy dangerous pornographic material. Once I was living away from home I started experimenting with pre-marital sex. At first I knew it was wrong, but all my friends were doing it so I did it to fit in. Soon I became to desire it, even need it. If I went for a while without it I would do just about anything to "get laid". When A friend of mine introduced me to the Internet all my prayers had been answered, all the porn I could ever need and people werejust giving it away. I was chipping away at my brain bit by bit, every site, every newsgroup, every picture, every chatroom, was drawing me deeper into the world of porn. Then I read Jodi Hoffmam's post and I knew that I needed help. I hope that this can help people, I am to far gone to be helped now. I hope people can learn from the mistakes I made. I hope something can be done to stop the rampant proliferation of porn from hurting other innocent children, too young to know better, but having lost their innocence and having experienced more than any child should. It is the children that are losing in the war against pornography. --Bucky