Army of Dog - SPACE ALIENS HIDE M DRUGS!!! ___________________________________________ Bienfait Nutly News "ANARCH IS OUR ONL HOPE" Christmas Special ***************** by King Author and the Dark&Stormy Knights of the Magic RoundTable A Personal Note From An Army of Dog Prisoner Of War: To: remailer-operators@dev.null From: DaltonGang@Dev.Null Since my meatspace body is currently hanging on a federal meathook, my consistent meatspace identity is currently available for those who wish to rent it. Given the high value of the BadReputationCapital currently connected to my consistent meatspace identity, I don't feel I am remiss in requiring both a small monetary remittance to: James Bell #26906086 Federal Detention Center P.O. Box 68976 Seattle WA 98168 as well as Executive Editor credits on any InterNet website or email account that uses my consistent meatspace persona to send threatening letters to goverment agencies, officials and employees, to run Assassination Politics Bots, or to engage in activities which violate the conditions of my parole, including, it seems...breathing. James Dalton Bell "They also serve, who only bend over and wait." -----Pretty Monitored Privacy Public Cell Key----- OuCh#$!tHAthuRts*&^nOOooOnotSAnd!!!OKwhO'SNexT???? -------------------------------------------------- Questionable Quotes #37: "If the Army of God can kill so many people from the Missionary Position, where the risk of transmitting AIDS is comparitively low, then the Army of Dog should be that much more effective, working Doggie Style..." ~The Unknown CypherPunk (aka TCM) CypherPunks Cult of One Bay Area Addition The recent phenomena of the Army of Dog, which has had a long history of never before existing, is rumored by many to be a splinter group of the Circle Of Eunuchs, which had come into existence as a result of an announcement on December 7, 1989, by Bubba Rom Dos, that the existence such a group would be extremely dangerous to those involved, and that everyone assembled should immediately disband and have no further contact with one another. The Circle of Eunuchs, a wholly owned subsiduary of the Magic Circle, headquartered nowhere, has managed to keep their heads, as well as avoid being drawn and quartered, by never really existing. Although consisting of 3-member Gorilla Cells whose manner and method of their use of bananas is totally up to the individuals involved, based on their personal ethics and morals, none of the members can ever really be certain that the CoE actually exists, although it is pretty hard to deny the existence of the bananas, if you have made the mistake of choosing your fellow CoE Gorilla Cell members randomly from ads in the free magazines widely available in San Franciso. The Army of Dog operates much along the same lines, with the major difference being that more of the members choose to act alone, in solitary Cult of One units, with the more moderate members generally requiring reading glasses, while the more radical members eventually go blind. Seasoned warriors, they refuse to ask for pity or sympathy, having only themselves to blame, 'cause momma tried... Questionable Quotes #896: "ou don't have to have a bottle of Mercetan to know which way Janet Reno is blowing." ~JDB BellWeatherMen Cult of One Seattle AboveGround Cell Army of Dog recruits, going one step further than the Army of God members who have so successfully avoided being hunted down like dogs by LEA's around the country, perform many of their nefarious activities on behalf of causes that they have little or no connection to, little or no interest in, and do not necessarily believe in. For example, an Army of Dog Virtual Warrior who is very passionate in their feeling regarding the demonization and persecution of Kevin MitNikita, but who thinks that Jerome Dalton Bell is an asshole who got what he had coming to him, would naturally gravitate toward performing subversive actions which violated the conditions of Bell's parole. (If that AoD Warrior was a minor, they might even be bold enough to join with other minors in small Saskatchewan towns, acting in concert with NineInchNails, knowing they would not have to worry about being tried as an adult, since they could prove that their uncle, the Author, was not even an adult.) On the other hand, a CypherPunks Army of Dog Virtual Warrior, who feels indebted to Jim Bell for the blow jobs while awaiting trial (even though he *did* have to hold a knife to Jim's throat, since Jim was playing 'hard to get'), would perform their subversive activities on behalf of the UnaBomber, who they thought was a fucking lunatic who was better off locked up. (For instance, they might perform a variety of low-key meatspace crimes, such as setting the Dumbarton bridge on fire, just before the UnaBomber's trial, and then notify the President by email that they were ready to step in and take the UnaBomber's place if he was executed. Natually, they would do this from a hacked account...) Questionable Quotes #486: "Give them Flack, John." ~Bob Church of the SubGenius Cult of One Davis-Monathan Division Many Army of Dog recruits are LEA's and paid government informants who tried to infiltrate the AoD, but who got a little carried away and eventually ended up performing some act of meatspace violence so atrocious that they had to quickly find a scapegoat such as Timoth McVeigh, to take the fall. (Although the agent code-named Defcon McCullagh Chainsaw claims he was just there to cover the bombing, in a free-lance assignment for the Oklahoma Nutly News, he has thus far failed to adequately explain submitting a receipt for breakfast with the BATF shortly before the explosion, or why the BATF would be having champagne and caviar for breakfast, saying only, "Eggs is eggs...") Questionable Quotes #8: "I never minded about the little things." ~Bridget Fonda The Author's Secret Lover Cult of One Although both Army of Dog Virtual Warriors and MeatSpace Warriors are quick to point out that sex after plugging a strangers parking meter, or setting off the fire alarm at the local school via modem, is phenomenal, they also point out that it doesn't hurt to have a co-conspirator (sometimes spelled without the hyphen). One Army of Bitch WarriorGoddess, speaking about her long-time relationship with an AoD programmer, said, "Although he starts with a relatively small value of 'c', he always increments it, and sometimes puts it through what seems to be an endless loop." (For the non-computer oriented, that loosely translates as, "He may not touch bottom, but he sure raises hell with the sides.") Questionable Quote #1: "Bite them all, and let the Veteranarian sort them out." ~Rabid WarMongrelBat Marisupial Cult of One If ou Can't Erase The Hard Drive Of The One ou Hate, Erase The Hard Drive Of The One ou're With: 'The Book of Big Mischief' (not to be confused with a much better work, with a similar name), advises that any Army of Dog member who plans to throw a serious, possibly traceable Hex/Screw into the Back(Door) of a government, corporate, religious or social entity/system via the tools of their own workplace, should take great pains to make certain that their office space contains: 1. American Flag 2. Apple Pie (preferrably baked by your mother) 3. Bible (*not* the New Age Aquarian version) 4. "I Love MicroSoft" Stickers 5. Pictures of the President AND Newt Gingrich 6. A Timothy McVeigh Dartboard 7. A Shrink-Wrapped Copy Of CyberNanny 8. An unfinished, hand-written letter to Louis Freeh, stating that you suspect your supervisor of being an anti-government radical. 9. Bail Money Questionable Quote #2-A: "A little Byte goes a long way, particularly if you don't let go." ~Baby TruthMonger Army of Bitch Questionable Quote #2-B: "Something small is going to happen...but it's going to happen a lot of times...July 5, 1998, 07:09" ~The Arthur Army of Dog / Cult of Nun One For ou, One For Me...Two For ou, One, Two For Me: Craperate and Goobermint BeanCounters *do* mind about the little things, but these things are unlikely to come to their attention if the DataEntryOperator and/or the Auditor are Army of Dog recruits. A multitude of mistaken credits to your own account is fraud. A multitude of fraudulent credits to the account of a charitable or subversive organization to which you have no connection is a mistake. If ou Don't Unnerstan Nuthin Else, Understand This: Joe Montana was a Dan Fouts with a front line. General Eisenhower was a General Lee with a front line. Winston Churchill was a Neville Chamberlain with a back door. Censorship Czars aren't afraid of quarterbacks, generals and leaders. They are afraid of men and women in trenches, behind data-entry screens, and people with flashlights, peering into the dark and hidden places. The Enemies of Freedom of Speech are not afraid of someone yelling "Fire" in a crowded theater--that is a StrawDog they use to prevent someone yelling "Fire" before their agents are clear of the Reichstag, or the Murrah Federal Building. Friends of the Destroyer can whack a King, a Kennedy, or a KonspiratorToBeNamedLater, but they can't whack out things they can't see--like concepts, ideals, values and free thought--but they are trying... If the Voices of Kings, Kennedys and Konspirators are not reaching the far walls of the ElectroMagnetic Curtain, and echoing throughout the Tao of CyberSpace, then the Friends of the Destroyer, the Enemies of Freedom, will prevail. The Voice of the Tao Whispers... The Voice of Infinity Thunders... The Voice of Censorship is Silent... The Voice of Freedom is ou! The Most Dangerous Person On Television: ou...the viewer. The Most Dangerous Person On The InterNet: ou...the participant. Anarchy Is Our Only Hope... Army of Dog Prisoners of War: Tim Bell Jim McVeigh Nelson Ghandi Mahatma Mandella Avery Body Elsie Mittnick Human Gus-Peter Free Army of Dog Warriors: Us...except for you and me <nod-nod><wink-wink> The rEvolution isn't tomorrow...that will be too late. The rEvolution wasn't yesterday...the battle lines have moved. The rEvolution Is NOW! Questionable Quote #709: "Close ranks, every man for himself!" ~Chief CypherPunks SpokesPerson Army of DoGod, Cult of Nun Anarchy Is Our Only Hope...Together, We Can Make It Happen