Flowers for Alger Anon - FPP#3 The two youths ducked quickly behind a tree to avoid being spotted by the senile old fart who had finally given up on finding his shoes and climbed barefoot up the step-ladder to begin drilling out the cannon muzzle on the War Surplus Army Tank he had recently acquired. As he labored he mumbled grouchily to himself about how he was going to "show that Commie Bastard, Igor", and all of the other former residents of The Home(TM) what he thought of their efforts to take over "his" CypherPunks Mailing List. "Distributed, my ass!" the old fart scowled as he climbed down the ladder, then grinned madly as he patted the stack of shells sitting next to the tank. "I'll distribute those bastards...They should'a Checked The Archives", he said, pausing to scratch his head and add, "TradeMark". Then continuing, "before they fucked with me. Then they'da seen how I ChopChopped them Torah- Torah Bastards when they tried to muscle in on my list." "It's 'mine'!" the grouchy, paranoid old fart shouted, turning his head around quickly in all directions, as if challenging, and half-expecting, Unseen Beings to dispute his claim. The two youngsters ducked and tried not to giggle as they ran down the hill, finally collapsing on the dirt road near the bottom and venting their laughter. Tim C. May was the most hilarious of the Cypher Punks they'd investigated so far, but 'all' of the CPUNX were "more than suitable", as Carol Anne Cypherpunk had declared while they were evaluating Jim Choate, "for slicing and buttering, and placing on a tray of Christmas snacks." Blanc Weber had agreed heartily with the new coconspirator (sometimes spelled with a hyphen), in their 'Quest to Question Anonymity', as the Army o' Dog-Bitch Battallion Warrior Godesses, as they had proclaimed them- selves, had Code Named their Chosen Mission From Dog. Carol Anne, choosing Androgyny over Anonymity, changed her name to Carroll for The Mission, vowing to balance the Tao by taking on any tasks requiring "male energy", which, on a CypherPunks Mission From Dog(TM), Carroll stated with a straight face, might include "blowing Dimitri". The Girls(Maybe) split a gut laughing over Blanc's reply that, being of a more peaceful nature than the 'Nuke DC Clique', they might have to "blow" their way out of dangerous situations by the use of Soft Targets rather than with Heavy Weaponry. Then they decided to get serious, before they, too, became candidates for The Home. Blanc Weber, a veteran Cypher Punk Cult of One Neophyte(TM) had felt slighted when the Author, a relative newcomer to the CPUNX list (at least under his 'TOTO' persona), had chosen to initiate two male Cypher Punks, Back and McCrackin, into his 3-Entity Circle of Eunuchs Gorilla Cell, instead of including Blanc, who had established a fairly close rapport with TOTO in their private email exchanges. Even more to Blanc's surprise, disappointment, and suspicion, TOTO failed to respond even to her offer to engage in joint Army of Dog Maneuvers with him across various Electronic Boundaries of the InterNet. She had begun to suspect that TOTO's lack of response to her Digital Warrior overtures were the result of something more sinister than simple male chauvinism. Her suspicions were confirmed when she caught up with TOTO, using his CJ Parker alias, at Defcon 6.0, as he was Pontificating, under the guise of 'Chief Cypher Punks Spokes Person', on the 'Anonymizer', for a guillible group of young hackers. "It is run by a HedgeHog riding Lance's Coat Tails, since Lance invented that thing that hangs on the back of toilet bowls, and the Anonymizer is the Blue Thing that hangs on the back of the hard drive. Blanc, stunned that TOTO, who claimed to be the Author, was a Total Fucking Moron (TM), listened as he continued . "The Anonymizer prevents Peeping TOMS from being able to tell whose hairy dick is making a bad smell on the carpet of the recipient's computer, after No Mail from NoBody comes out of the Email Chutechute. Blanc realized that CJ Parker was also a Total Fucking Lunatic(TM) as he glanced furtively around to whisper a dire warning to the spellbound young hackers hanging on his everyword. "And the Peeping Toms are everywhere. "As a matter of fact", he added glancing quickly over both shoulders, "when you can't see them at all..." he paused for effect, "...then you know that they're 'good'". "Real good", he added, turning to direct his wild-eyed stare at Blanc, who had just finished going through his knapsack while he was distracted. Blanc had hurried away, deeply disturbed by what she had found in TOTO's bag. It wasn't just stationery from The Home--it was 'personalized' stationery from The Home for the Criminally Insane. Blanc Weber's confusion and suspicions deepened when her attempts to warn other CPUNKS about TOTO were ignored by all except the few apparent females on the list, such as Carol Anne Cypherpunk and World Renowned Bottle Collector Lynn Harrison (who was long rumored to have joined the male-dominated mailing list only as a forum to trade her panties to young CPUNX in the throbbing throes of puberty, in return for the Standard Issue Klien Bottles, they received upon joining the Digital Anarchist Union, Local 01, rumored to be headquartered in Bienfait, Saskatchewan). When The Girls(Maybe) of the Bitch Battallion took to the road to investigate the remaining CypherPunks, they quickly discovered that 'all' of the verifiable Meat Space Personalities they positively linked to the various Cyperpunks Consistent Net Personas (TM) were, in fact, certifiably Cuckoo Cock Suckers(TM) in MeatSpace Reality. With the only readily apparent link between them being their connection to the Home for the Criminally Insane. Some of the MeatSpace Personalities behind the Digital Personas on the CPUNX Mailing List--Ian Goldberg, Alec de Jeune, Ulf Moeller, Peter Trei and Jim Choate--were Highly Social Sociopaths, capable of putting ona suit and tie, if need be, and glad-handing business people and purchasing agents (all the while slitting their sleeping throats, in the Dark Corners of their mind). John Gilmore, Declan McCullagh, Robert Hettinga, Vin McClellan, even Froomkin--all of the Mainstream Dream/Actively Connected To Society/Cypherpunks MeatSpace Verifiable Identities, without fail, shared the same connection to The Home as id the Lithium Dream/Social Outcast CPUNX Meatballs such as T.C. May, A.T. Hun, Wm Geiger III, S. Sequencr, JYA, and the late Dale Thorn (whose mysterious death was rumored to be the work of the Shadowy Figures(TM) lurking behind the ctrl-alt-delete.com website). Blanc and Carroll watched in total amazement as Jim Choate's ludicrous/inane computer and business theories seemed to be somehow transformed, by unseen hands working behind the scenes, into fully functional and viable RealWorld(TM) concepts, in Choate's work with the Armadillo Group. The Unseen Hands made The Girls(Maybe) very, very nervous. What pushed the Army of Dog-Bitch Battalion Warrior Godesses beyond nervousness, toward Paranoia & Fear, was the fact that the MeatSpace Personalities behind the Digital Personas of the CypherPunks inevitably appeared to be verifiable outside of The Home 'only after the CPUNKS PERSONA'S original appearance on the mailing list'. A Cloaked Anonymous Random Source(TM) that The Girls(Maybe) knew only as Digital Throat, speaking to Larynx in an UnderGround Reptilian Nazi Parking Garage in DC (after having been fooled into believing she was talking to Defcon McCullagh Chain Saw). told them, "I was the head of the Personelle Department at Intel, at the time Tim May claims to have been there. "Even though we couldn't spell the name of our Department right, let alone the names of the employees, I never forget a face, and Tim C. May definitely was never employed at Intel. "As a matter of fact", Digital Throat revealed, "when Intel's Legall Department sent Mr. May a letter that warned him to Cease & Decist with his claims, he showed up on our doorstep, barefoot, in a MailMan's Uniform, with a Veritable ShitLoad(TM) of heavy weapons and arms, and, after that, as far as most of us were concerned, if Tim c. May said he was the goddam 'President' of Intel, then he was the goddam President--end of story." Blanc Weber and Carol Anne Cypherpunk found the same patterns repeated time and again in their investiga- tions of CypherPunks MeatSpace Ident Histories. Records, Information and Data-- such as birth certificates, school records, credit and employment histories-- were not only 'existant', but were inevitably 'consistent' with claims made in posts to the CPUNKS mailing list, in regard to the MeatSpace Ident Histories behind the Digital Personas. However, once The Girls(Maybe) had begun researching the Human Historical Records of the MeatSpace Ident Histories--speaking to alleged friends, family, coworkers, and the like--the paper Trails quickly unravelled, and the Physical Ident Histories of ALL of the male subscribers to the CypherPunks Disturbed Male LISP were, in the end, traceable 'only' back to the Home... <EOF>