From: Dr. David Chaos <dchaos@delphi.com> Newsgroups: comp.org.eff.talk Date: Fri, 3 Jun 94 02:07:20 -0500 June 3, 1994 NSA CLIPPER CHIP FAILS, AGENCY SETS SIGHTS ON HEALTHCARE (ups) After the discovery of a fatal design flaw in the Clipper chip's "crime-busting" LEAF system, NSA has shifted its focus to a "more attainable goal, healthcare reform", said an anonymous government source. "It appears that President Clinton's healthcare reform package will likely result in citizens, who can afford it, leaving the country for private healthcare provided by foreign countries. Based on this, NSA believes they have a clear, jurisdictional mandate to develop healthcare policy." the source further stated. "With NSA's technological superiority, we should have a system in place which will prevent medical subversion within a few months. Even the Bahamians will be powerless to overcome it" said the source. Despite objections from diverse medical organizations, the President supported NSA's position that they are the most qualified to determine healthcare policy. He further justified the agencies assertion that the details of the policy must remain secret to prevent medical malingerers from abusing the system. Secret details of the policy, obtained by confidential informants, indicated that it would be based on the "KneeCapstone" and the "Clapjack" algorithms. An "independant" examination by the renowned doctor and cold-fusion investigator, Dr. Staley Ponz, was recently conducted on the KneeCapstone and Clapjack algorithms. "These algorithms are totally and completely malingerer proof...I really mean it, this time, honest!" said Dr. Ponz from an undisclosed location in South America. Further details on the plan will be forthcoming "real soon now" said government policy advisor, Tyrone Shoelaces. Reprinted, with permission, by, Dr. David Chaos