********** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ********** WARNING!!! Plot of the Platypus !!!WARNING ********** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ********** Since the death of Dale Thorn, I have lurked silently in the list background while observing the creeping conspiracies continually compromising cypherpunk costs. I mean..."posts." {Damn, now I'm doing it, too.} Doing what, you ask? How did you know what I said? Are you with the MIND POLICE? AM I SURROUNDED??!!!?? {Oh...I see that I put that thought in brackets, where you could read it. Whew! Had me worried for a minute, there.} To continue... Being an anonymous coward who hides behind remailers the few times that I post, I have been somewhat hesitant, nonetheless, to reveal the observations and accompanying thoughts about the direction that the cypherpunks lissed has taken {Damn, that's twice, already. I may be infected, like many of the others} since the end of the Nazi moderation/censorship experiment. While other, more vocal, list members were celebrating the apparent 'victory' over the johnboot of fascism being lifted from our typing fingers, I had a troubled mind, worrying whether the evil forces were truly vanquished or whether they had merely escaped by way of the anonymous remailers, to the negative pole, where they would bide their time and prepare to strike again. I was counting on the shit-disturbers, chiefly Dale Thorn, to keep a practiced eye out for signs of the evil farces {Was that a typo, a Freudian slip, or another sign of the mind infection that is rapidly spreading on the list?} regrouping to once again try to destroy the cypherpunks list. Suddenly, Dale disappeared--faster than you can say, "Jimmy Hoffa." For a time, Toto attempted to carry on in his stead, but I *knew* Dale Thorn, and Toto is no John F. Kennedy. {Shit! Now I'm beginning to steal and corrupt the words of others. I'm not certain I like the implications of this. The plot may go even deeper than I previously thought...} Where was I...? Oh, yes...the Plot of the Platypus... William H. Geiger III writed:

A prime example is the welfair class in America. *^^* Anonymous rote: Many in the welfair class have their basic needs met by... *^^* Then, in a startling development, ? the platypus wrote: (Australia, most of europe ect have higher welfare rates). ... *^^^^^^^* Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia see the url in my header.

Notice anything a little bit *strange* in the above quotes? Suddenly, "? the Platypus" is the the only one of this group that can spell welfair...warfair......welfare. {Damn! What's that clinging to my back?} What is going on here? As the Platypus's spelling gets better, the other list members' spelling gets worse. For example: Ray Arachelian sayhed:

what shal be the punishment? If the one who takes the order... *^* reposability, then the one giving the order must be doubly... *^^*

Tim May wroted:

Agraphia or not, this is one of the lamest posts I've seen in years. Wealth is to be taken from those who have worked for it or put their capitcal at risk *^*

The Cypherpunk Philosophist King, lame-ing while flame-ing? Worse yet, while flame-ing about lame-ing? Lame-ing while flame-ing about lame-ing? Fucking up his spelling while taking a cheap-shot at someone's disability in their ability to 'dis' someone with proper spelling? And then, after his "capitcal" misfire, the object of his scorn returns fire with a correct spelling of "redistribution?" ? the Playtpus correctly scripted:

The US has one of the lowest rates of wealth redistribution in the...

Am I making too much of this? A few simple typo's, you say? Perhaps an occasional slip of the finger--a momentary lapse of mind and/or memory, leading to a misspelled word? {Or is it 'mispelled'? I don't know, and I'm afraid to look it up. I could use the spell checker, but... No! It's too dangerous.} It's the Plot of the Platypus, I tell you...I AM NOT CRAZY!!!! I did extensive analysis of the list posts in the last few months, and I can state with absolute certainty that for every slight improvement in the quality of the Platypus's spelling, there is a court responding decease in the Kuala-T of many of T ohter libsp mambors spealing. {See? Do you SEE!?!? IT'S EVEN HAPPENING TO *ME* NOW.} That's not all. Just like before, others on the list are acting as the shills for the chief instant gator of this spelling tragivesty. Bill Stewart, a consciencious speller, said:

[If you're going to rant about government-provided education, _please_ spell most of your words correctly, or let technology help you...]

See? Do you SEE?!? The subtle slams by the co-conspirators are beginning. It's the next stage... "Having a little trouble with your spelling there, pal? There's no more censorship, so you can say anything you want...as long as you can SPELL it! Haaa...haaaa...haaa." The ebil fartses are once again attempting to split the cybferpukes lissed in2 too kamps--the good spellers and the bag speelers. Think about it. Have you ever heard of "agraphia" before? Ever known anyone that had it? Of course not! It was developed in an underground lavoratory in Area 51 by reptilian Nazis. Well, maybe not "reptilian", but Nazis, just the same. And LOOK! I'm using double-quotes! *Misplaced* double-quotes, nonetheless. THE MARKS OF THE *TOTO*!!! The conspiracy is spreading fast. It's everywhere. Kent Crispin, government schill {Damn! I even spell 'shill' like Toto, now. At least I managed to use single quotes this time, like we did in the old days, before the censorship crisis...which just 'happened' to happen shortly after Toto happeared out of nowhere...} Where was I...? Oh, yes... Crispin, who has long previously been the target of many vicious attacks by both Toto and the Platypus, is now showing signs of the government generated Platyagraphia and the double-quote marks of the Toto. Kent Crispin <kent@songbird.com> say-heyed:

will force the "welfair class" to become productive citizens or die. ^ ^^^ ^

Or is Kent Crispin, gubormint chill, marking funds of the wrist of U.S.? Is he laughtering at uds B-hynd R backs? Is he a bubble agent in the Plop of the Paperplutz? Still skeptical? Wait!! There's more!!! {No, not the Ginsu knives, you fools. I'm talking about the Plop of the Pretty Puss.} Think about the following pots, which wah *snot* sent to the list in order to hide the troops from the simplefucks lips dismemberers. Since it was not cent 2 the lips, I had to make it up, and now I'm a forager, like Tutu making those bag fridgeries of ohter cheaples pastes when he abuses their names without having their parsimmons to accuse their name for making his own pissed to the cyberhunks lost. ------- Begin Pretty Good Pretending------- PGP: Bad Spelling Virgin 0.1 To: ciderpundits@tao.dot.commie From: TheBadSpellingForger <i_can__spell_good@anytime.I.please> Subject: Make Con$piracy La$t Date: {I'm typing it *now*, you idiot.} Tired of being a LOSER? Tired of failing in your list takeover bids while others, like the _fuck_you_morons_ spammer, AOL'ers, and blonde bimbos with huge breasts are getting ahead in life? Tired of not getting your secret cypherpunks decoder ring, like the others, because you don't use an "authorized" operating system, and you can't spell "welfare" even though you're on it? Join the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST today, and turn your life around. {No Bullshit! This conspiracy is so fucking secret that *nobody* knows about it--NOT EVEN ME! I had to make it up! That's how secret it is.} Good gays Finnish lost. Why do they "Finnish lost"? Because they waste their time with correct spelling, proper placement of quotation marks, and trying to develop a consistent list persona when there are already millions of Internet identities out there already, just waiting to be abused. Face it, its the assholes that usually end up on top, and not just because most people sleep on their stomaches. So why are you WASTING YOUR TIME being a good gay, when the assholes are making the BIG BUCKS by putting naked pictures of big bucks fucking big butts on their "Native American Nude MLM" web site? Tired of being an anarchist? Tired of waiting for Jim Bell to rat you out as being a co-conspirator in his evil plot to overthrow the government? Tired of standing in front of your mirror, trying to practice acting surprised when armed forces from a dozen government agencies kick down your door to announce that someone nuked D.C., and they'd like to "ask you a few questions?" Join the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST. Do it TODAY, and you will be guaranteed a secret cypherpunks decoder ring when the people who pull our strings pass a law criminalizing them (except for use in meeting the legitimate needs of secret conspirators against the cypherpunks list). Listen to what these Secret Conspirators have to say: Peter Trei: "Hi. I used to be a boring guy. I was so boring that none of the assholes on the list even bothered insulting me, or forging posts in my name. "Then one day, my life suddenly changed. Someone forged a post to the list in my name, and it was exciting. It was like getting robbed at gunpoint. What a rush! "When I woke up the next morning, I couldn't face going back to my normal, moral, ethical, boring life. I sent an anonymous post to the list--as TruthMonger! It felt good, like being elected to a government office by lying to people, but I wanted MORE. I began forging posts to the list using other people's identities. If they complained to the list, then I killed them, and assumed their list identities. It felt like driving INSLAW into bankruptsy, stealing their software, and murdering those who knew too much! "Now I am Peter Trei, boring cryptographer, by day, but I am any exciting, unethical asshole I want to be, at night. "I liked the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST so much that I *stole* the conspiracy. "? the Platypus" has nothing to do with the Plot of the Platypus, I'm just making fun of his disability, like a real asshole. Toto has nothing to do with it, either. He's such a loser that everyone on the list can spot his forgeries. (Well, they "used to could". But now that I can mimic his style and have hacked his sympatico account, I can deny all of this from my real list persona tomorrow, and nobody will be the wiser.) "I'm not just a user of the cypherpunks list, I'm an abuser." Kent Crispin: "This isn't Peter's conspiracy, its MINE! I mean, get real, I work in a secret underground lavoratory as a government shill. "Think about it. Who would you expect to conspire against a bunch of anarchists...the government! You all know how much I love the government and authority. I'm Louis Freeh's secret lover. Janet Reno is going to have my baby. "It's me! *I* am the one behind the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST. I'm a STATIST, for God's sake, why won't you believe me? "Because I'm not one of the elitist 'chosen?' Fuck you." Tim May: "God, I *love* this list." Robert Hettinga: "Hey! If you check the archives, you'll find that I said that in a post, long before anyone else did." TruthMonger: "Now Hettinga is stealing Tim May's lines. What the hell is going on, here? Has *everybody* on this list gone crazy? "*I* am the one who is *really* behind the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST. Think about it. Everyone knows that I'm a 33rd degree Mason. No...that's Tim May. "Fuck this shit. From now on, I'm posting as Toto." John Perry: "This has gone on long enough. I'm killing this thread. ...I mean..."post." ...I mean... "Shit! I'm not the list moderator, yet. That's *after* we take over the list." "Sorry." ------- End Pretty Good Pretending------- ... ~~~~~~~ Begin Note From Igor ~~~~~~~ Do you all remember the Perl script I was working on for mimicking the posts of other people? Well, this post is the latest product of that script. What do you think? Is it convincing? Did you really believe that it was actually written by one or more of the people mentioned in the post? I think that I finally have the Perl script to the point where I can effectively fool most people about the true source and method of a computer generated post's actual origins. I was thinking about adding a conspiratoral part about myself. I was going to intimate that the fact that I was so active on the list during the censorship crisis, playing the skeptic who was gradually brought around to the truth of Dale Thorn and Toto's claims, then volunteering to host the list and quietly disappearing into the background, might indicate that *I* was really behind the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST. In the end, I decided against it, because then the readers would be left with the notion that perhaps even this explainatory note from me was bogus, and that there really was an ongoing SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST. ~~~~~~~ End Note From Igor ~~~~~~~ ********** DISCLAIMER ********** THERE IS *NO* SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! There is no conspiracy by a secret government to destroy the Constitution, enslave the people, and rule the world. Individual cypherpunks are not being imprisoned and murdered and replaced with Identity Bots. There is no need to worry. Declan McCullagh can confirm all of this. You can trust him. He is your representative in D.C. He did *not* give secret testimony against Jim Bell in return for a byline in the "Time" magazine cover story. That is just a rumor. Well, not yet, maybe, but it will be, very soon. Remember, this is just a normal mailing list with a few list members who are a little odd. There are no spooks. There is no background intrigue. This whole privacy thing has just been blown a bit out of proportion. It's really not that important. Waco was just a tragic accident. Ruby Ridge was a simple error in judgement by a government agent who really feels bad about following his superiors orders. Heavily armed U.S. Marines are no match for a goat-herding boy with a .22, and it is only by the grace of God that they are alive today. Oswald acted alone. lai;ekrjke ^C THERE IS *NO* SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! There is no conspiracy by a secret government to destroy the Constitution, enslave the people, and rule the world. dakl;jdafkl;jad;jfa ^C ^C Oswald acted alone. Bears are Catholic. The Pope shits in the woods. The government is concerned for your welfair. *^^^* ldfafd;ljfd; ^C^X^C THERE IS *NO* SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! da;lkdf ^C THERE IS *NO* welfair ad;fljadf; *^^^* ad;sljf;afj ^C ^C ^C THERE IS *NO* SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST! SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!