From: ViaCrypt FiringBot To: Tim C. May Dear Ms. May, We regret to inform you that your employment with ViaCrypt has been terminated, effectively immediately. In accordance with company policy we will outline the reasons for your termination below. 1. Records from your company supplied E-ZPass electronic toll booth pass indicate that you are arriving in the city over an hour before you begin work, leading us to believe that you are engaged in personal activities during this time which take away from the energy you have left to put into your company work. 2. The OnStar satellite-positioning service reports that your company supplied Cadillac was parked at the restaurant where you ate with your company supplied Visa card for an hour and ten minutes. Employees are only allowed one hour for lunch breaks. 3. The Teletrac global-positioning satellite has reported that you exceeded the speed limit twice in one day (32 mph in a 30 mph zone, and 56 mph in a 55 mph zone). 4. The passive tracking microchip on your company supplied ID card was tracked by our remote sensors in six parts of the city which we prefer that our employees not enter. 5. Your company supplied cellular phone was used to call someone not in our business database who used his MasterCard to buy condoms at a local pharmacy during a weekend when his wife used her Visa to take a trip out of town. This reflects badly on the company. 6. The company aerial drone reports that in several passes over your home, the presence of marihuana smoke was detected. 7. Surveillance of your company email indicates that you have been using company resources to include private messages such as "Have a nice day." in business email sent on company time. 8. Reports sent in to the company by the automatic modem software on your company supplied laptop indicate that you have visited websites which are not approved by CyberSitter, such as the City of SEXton community website. 9. Video surveillance of the Men's Restroom indicates that you have been wasting company resources by using more toilet paper than necessary, in relation to the amount of human waste monitored during your visits. Also, you twice failed to put the toilet seat down, as required by our company policy of sexual sensitivity. 10. Our monitoring of your user access to the company computer system shows that you accessed areas of the system which were not found to be in accordance with your security level. Our records indicate that ViaCrypt owes you $15,000,000.00 for your 1 day(s) of employment. This has been deposited in your Bank Account in Antigua, according to your wishes. Sincerely, (as sincere as a machine can be, that is) ViaCrypt FiringBot