This week, in the Hair issue of Shift Control... "To be fair, I've never left a hairdresser's happy. In fact, I don't know anyone who hasn't fled from a hairdresser's in search of the nearest reflective surface (I chose the window of an Iranian rug importer on Piccadilly) to try and rub away the salon-induced feeling of idiocy. But on this day I was particularly woeful. The haircut was nothing a five-year-old boy would have been ashamed of. But I'm a bit older than that. My own mother, who I saw later that day for the first time in two years, said I looked like a 'dork'." - Paul Robinson on getting a high-class haircut. "'And the new world champion for imperial whiskers is... Jurgen Burkhardt!' When it dawned on the short German dressed in the Kaiser outfit that he'd won his event, the loops at either end of his huge moustache began to twitch maniacally. The dimensions of the new world champion's imperial growth were staggering. From left to right, including the loops, it