SweatHog Log -- SPACE ALIENS HIDE M DRUGS!!! --------------------------------------------- [Austin Nutly News--LoneBeerState]IT WAS THE tURKEbASTE of times, it was the LiverWurst of times... Bob Wills Beer and Lone Star Music. Captain BeefJerky and the Lost Bozo Band opening for Jerry Jeff Garcia and the DreadFul Drunks at the Split Lip Saloon. Knocking back shots of Townsend's Treacherous Treat at Amaretto World HindQuarters. Mom Nelson declaring C.J. Parker to be her illegitimately adopted son, making him a half-nelson and making him live in the basement of the outhouse behind Willie's Fool Hall. A million degrees in the shade and TruthMongrel sitting in the truck in the parking lot of the HEB Central Market Cafe while Toto was inside drinking cold beer and asking the barmaid what type of wine goes with TruckRoasted PuppyDog. Drinking West Texas ChugWater... Austin CypherPunks gathered around a couple of tables in the beer garden, the BigRedBook unflapping in the breeze and serving as a standard to rally together a handful of anarchist frontiers(wo)men to prepare to stand as the lone outpost against the mighty Digital Army of Santa AnnaChrist in his War Against The Digitally United States of Terra. JimBob Choate drawing a line in the sand... Most of the CypherPunks crossed that line--the bar was on the other side of it--but they came back. A strange, deranged desperado appearing out of nowhere to announce that someone had nuked DC, and he wanted to ask them a few questions, then sitting down and babbling in a nonsensical manner in order to distract their attention while he played footsie with the blonde sitting across from him, until she finally left, in disgust. WeBeastMaster JimBob waiting until only the StewedGuy and the Disparate Stranger were left before passing along the SecretMessageThatHadNoMeaning from Declan McCullagh. The Dissipating Strangler fading into the mist with a bottle of red wine tucked under his arm. Lieutenant JimBob Choate, Army of Dog-Digital Division & MeatSpace Multiplication, feeling a shiver go down his spine as he walked slowly to his vehicle, heard a TruthMongrel howling in the distance, and realized that 'red wine' goes with TruckRoasted PuppyDog.] MenInTheShadows unable to find the second VirtualNuclear Device claimed to have been planted in a pubic building eleven KILLometers from MongerItaVille--wondering if their first mistake hadn't been to threaten a six-year old child and his mother with deportation from Canada if they continued to involve themselves in the battle for Medicare in Saskatchewan. For almost a half-century thereafter, the child had been a thorn in their side, seemingly breaking every rule in the book, violating everything that anal-retentive WhiteCanadianImmigrants held sacred as they strove to promote the Rule of (White)Law in the Great White Snort. Despite their many failed attempts to imprison him, ususally succeeding only in harrassing him and causing him great personal loss and expense, they had never before had to fear for their own lives and the safety of their families, but now all that had changed... An elite, secretive cabal of Mounties gathered around a table reviewing the security implications of a hidden file being found on their computer system which had the same name as the file on the floppy disk left at the site of the first VirtualNuclear Device found in a public building eleven KILLometers from MongerItaVille. Silence in the room as each of them heard, in their own mind, the screams of the Author as they resounded through the Analogue Reality of his home in Bienfait, through the Digital Reality of MongerItaVille, and through the MeatSpace DigiZeros on a dozen or more Canadian Government computer systems. "OU WANT TO FUCK WITH *CHILDREN*? OU WANT TO STEAL M NEPHEWS' COMPUTERS? OU WANT TO FILE FALSE CHARGES ON M NEIGHBOR'S FUTURE LITTLE GLUE-SNIFFER, OU NAZI RATFUCKERS? "THE *MEATSPACE* REVOLUTION IS *NOW*!!!!" The Author may be bluffing, of course, but could they really afford to take that chance? HeOrShe had offered them "pole position" on receiving the key that the BackDoor Boogie (TM) was being played in to provide a soundtrack to the RCMP Musical Ride taking place on Trojan Horses ridden by DigitalAnarchists throughout Canadian Government computer systems. The offer was simple enough...return all of the stolen computers to the possession of Human Gus-Peter and the RCMP would get the checkered flag in the race against finding their digital security breach...if there, in fact, *was* one... The 'clues' of its existence were rather vague, though startling, and they could conceivably be the result of collusion on a part of the Author's widespread Inner Circle, which undoubtedly included more than a few people with access to secure Canadian Government computer systems. Of course, the phrase 'pole position' implied that there were others in the race who the Author could bless with the checkered flag if they were the first to provide Human Gus-Peter with a state-of-the-art portable multi-media computer such as the one that had been stolen from the Author, but the Mounties were reluctant to suffer the loss of face that would be involved in rectifying the consequences of their own illegal and heavy-handed acts of oppression and repression. The Mounties knew that they were, to a certain extent, vulnerable, having actively promoted the persecution of a mentally unstable individual at a time when his medications were running low, in the hope that he would explode in a manner that would cause him to perform actions which he could be legally held accountable for. It wouldn't look good, however, if it came out that the Mounties themselves were taking the precaution of wearing bullet-proof vests for their own protection during their attempts to provoke the Author to actions of raging insanity, while leaving the children of the community vulnerable to the MeatSpace actions of a violent psychotic currently writing the "Bienfait Nutly News 'KILL THE CHILDREN' Special." The RCMP had failed to intercept the computer disks and audio tapes that the Author had mailed to Declan McCullagh from Montana, but the Netly News journalist had not yet received them, so it seemed that *someone* had intercepted them. Every indication was that there was only a single copy of the material the Author had stashed south of the 49th parallel just before his computers were confiscated, but there was no telling, for sure. Besides, the Mounties had confiscated the voice-activated tape recorder they found on their last illegal entry to his home, and the audio tapes he had could conceivably be of one of the American intelligence agents monitoring his residence, such as the retired Air Force Intelligence officer who had become rather friendly with him at the CoalDust Saloon.] It was a shame that the Author had found and destroyed the 'evidence' they had planted in his truck shortly before he skipped the country, but the 'evidence' they had 'found' after his departure would suffice. The reference to the *second* VirtualNuclearDevice was troubling, however, since its existence, if real, could result in the whole operation blowing up in their face. Nonetheless, the Mounties considered it better to lose a few citizens, or even a whole town, than to lose face, and the Author's modus operandi was to provide fair warning before the date and time of his nefarious activities, so the Mounties were confident that they could follow in the footsteps of the BATF and arrange to be conveniently gone when the shit hit the fan. Then they would have that ShitDisturbingMonster dead to rights...