INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT : : You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to : accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not : give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an : infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others : smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how : good it is. : : If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. : Set the oven using these keystrokes: <\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat// : Then enter: <ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme. : : If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven : will set itself and cook the dinner. : : If you have a UNIX oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of : the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, : and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will : calculate the time and heat and cook the diner exactly to your : specification. : : Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your : oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the : dinner from the oven and enter : <ms.nodarn.good/tryagain\again/again.rats!. : This process may have to : be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold : reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor. : : Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger : than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of : which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is : too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your : equipment. : : Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the : chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, : call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't want : another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. : : Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of : their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger : family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must : be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging. : : Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, : that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get : thrilled in advance. : : Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the : freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, : not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.