Microsoft World 1.0 from the Netly News (and a funny response)
********* http://cgi.pathfinder.com/netly/opinion/0,1042,1576,00.html The Netly News (http://netlynews.com/) November 13, 1997 Microsoft World 1.0 by Declan McCullagh (declan@well.com) If you're Bill Gates, the last place on earth you want to be today is 2500 Calvert St., Washington, D.C. That's the address of the "Appraising Microsoft" conference, where politicos and high tech leaders from around the country are teaming up to take a big swing at the richest man in America. It would be a slugfest -- if only Gates were around to defend himself. Ralph Nader, the conference's organizer, invited him, but Gates declined through his lawyers. "It appears that your conference will provide a forum for anti-Microsoft pundits and business competitors to raise their litany of tired allegations in an attempt to manipulate public opinion against our company," wrote attorney William Neukom, who is defending Microsoft from antitrust allegations. Which is only natural. Everyone Microsoft has ever pissed off (and Microsoft has pissed off a lot of people) seems to be here today. Who would pass up a chance to flame the Boy Billionaire -- especially when there's safety in numbers? [...] *********** Date: Thu, 13 Nov 1997 14:27:41 -0500 To: declan@pathfinder.com From: Steve Kremer <steve@jokewallpaper.com> Subject: Ralph Nader's Computer? I enjoyed your story about the conference. When I first heard about it I had a question to ask Ralph for my monthly humor newsletter...So I called his office. Here's the item.. Have Fun, Steve Kremer JAMES SPADER, DARTH VADER, RALPH NADER. WHICH OF THESE THREE OWN A COMPUTER?? In the month of November you will be hearing a lot about a media event called the "Appraising Microsoft Conference" held in Washington, D.C. and hosted by consumer gadfly Ralph Nader. If you visit their Web site at: http://www.essential.org/appraising/microsoft/ you can read about their plans to discuss Microsoft. They profess high intentions of seriously discussing Microsoft's influence on the future, but it looks to me like a "trash Microsoft festival". Not that Microsoft doesn't deserve to be trashed, but I thought the Nader folks and their "conference" was utterly transparent. I began to wonder...just how much does Ralph Nader know about computers and the World Wide Web. On their Web site they list their phone number and the name of their media contact Caroline Jonah. Armed with my trusty Sony integrated phone/recorder I gave her a call. Below is a transcript of a portion of our conversation. Steve Kremer: "Do you happen to know what computer system Ralph Nader uses. Is he a Windows or Mac guy?" Caroline Jonah: "Umm, I don't think, let me think, he doesn't even have a computer in his office to tell you the truth." Steve Kremer: "Oh really, he isn't one of those laptop toting people? Caroline Jonah: "In our office we have both, we use both, yeah." Steve Kremer: "O.K., so Mr. Nader doesn't even have a computer?" Caroline Jonah: "We have both in our office, so he can use either one, so. But in his office, I don't think he even has one in his office." I asked if she had actually ever seen Ralph using a computer and she said I would have to talk to him directly. She promised that she would have Mr. Nader give me a call later that day. He never called. So when you read the inevitable story coming out of Washington D.C. in the middle of the month about Consumer Crusader Ralph Nader taking Microsoft to task, remember it's being headlined by someone who has probably never had their hand on a mouse except maybe to take a dead one out of an OSHA approved trap.
http://cgi.pathfinder.com/netly/opinion/0,1042,1576,00.html The Netly News (http://netlynews.com/) November 13, 1997 Microsoft World 1.0 by Declan McCullagh (declan@well.com)
If you're Bill Gates, the last place on earth you want to be today is 2500 Calvert St., Washington, D.C. That's the address of the "Appraising Microsoft" conference, where politicos and high tech leaders from around the country are teaming up to take a big swing at the richest man in America.
GIVE ME A 'B'! "BS!" GIVE ME AN 'I'! "AYE!" GIVE ME AN 'L'! "HELL!" GIVE ME AN 'L'! "HELL!" WHAT'S THAT SPELL! "GATES!" WHAT'S THAT SPELL! "MICROSOFT!" WHAT'S THAT SPELL! "NEW WINDOWS ORDERS!" "Well, come on all you big strong persons, Uncle Bill is really hurtin', Getting lynched in old DC, $weet Capital of Liberty, So put down Windows and roll in the muck, We're gonna yell 'MicroSoft Sucks!'" "And it's one, two three, what are we whining for? Don't ask me, I don't give a shit, Next stop is JavaScript. And it's five, six, seven, open up on Billy Gates, Ain't got time to learn command-line, Whoppee, we're going to point-and-click!" DC is a natural site for the WebWorld 1.0 conference, since it is obvious from the political rhetoric coming from that direction that DC is where the _good_ drugs are. What was the name of the conference, again? "Razing Micro$oft?" CountryJoeAndTheMongers
----- Begin Included Message ----- From: zmelrose@wellsfargo.com To: vivigomez@basisinc.com Date: Thu, 13 Nov 1997 13:02:45 -0800 (if Paul McCartney had been in systems..) YESTERDAY ------------------ Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday. ~~~~~~~ ELEANOR RIGBY -------------------------- Eleanor Rigby Sits at the keyboard And waits for a line on the screen Lives in a dream Waits for a signal Finding some code That will make the machine do some more. What is it for? All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long? Guru MacKenzie Typing the lines of a program that no one will run; Isn't it fun? Look at him working, Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile; It takes a while... All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long? Eleanor Rigby Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work; Feels like a jerk. Guru MacKenzie Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code; Nothing will load. All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long? ~~~~~~~ UNIX MAN (aka NOWHERE MAN) ------------------------------- He's a real UNIX Man Sitting in his UNIX LAN Making all his UNIX plans For nobody. Knows the blocksize from du(1) Cares not where /dev/null goes to Isn't he a bit like you And me? UNIX Man, please listen(2) My lpd(8) is missin' UNIX Man The wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command. He's as wise as he can be Uses lex and yacc and C UNIX Man, can you help me At all? UNIX Man, don't worry Test with time(1), don't hurry UNIX Man The new kernel boots, just like you had planned. He's a real UNIX Man Sitting in his UNIX LAN Making all his UNIX plans For nobody ... Making all his UNIX plans For nobody. ~~~~~~~ WRITE IN C (aka LET IT BE) ------------------------ When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom: "Write in C." As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers: "Write in C." Write in C, Write in C, Write in C, oh, Write in C. LOGO's dead and buried, Write in C. I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, For science it worked flawlessly. Try using it for graphics! Write in C. If you've just spent nearly 30 hours, Debugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad to Write in C. Write in C, Write in C, Write in C, yeah, Write in C. BASIC's not the answer. Write in C. Write in C, Write in C Write in C, oh, Write in C. Pascal won't quite cut it. Write in C. ~~~~~~~ SOMETHING ------------------- Something in the way it fails, Defies the algorithm's logic. Something in the way it coredumps... I don't want to leave it now I'll fix this problem somehow Somewhere in the memory I know, A pointer's got to be corrupted. Stepping in the debugger will show me... I don't want to leave it now I'm too close to leave it now You're asking me can this code go? I don't know, I don't know... What sequence causes it to blow? I don't know, I don't know... Something in the initializing code? And all I have to do is think of it! Something in the listing will show me... I don't want to leave it now I'll fix this tonight I vow.. ----- End Included Message -----
participants (3)
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Declan McCullagh -
Lobelt Hettinga -
TruthMonger