I think I first realized just how much Tim May's .sig lines are a genuine harbinger of the future when I arrived at www.compost.org to find that there are "Compost Standards in Canada," as explained by The Composting Council of Canada. In short, if I wanted to stack some turds on top of each other, then I had to keep in mind that: "In Canada, three organizations are responsible for the development of standards and regulations for compost and composting: Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada (AAFC), the provincial and territorial governments, and the Standards Council of Canada (SCC) (through the Bureau de normalisation du Québec (BNQ)). This collective responsibility reflects government regulatory requirements (of both the AAFC and the provinces and territories) as well as voluntary industry initiatives (BNQ)." { The word "voluntary" was in _bold_ print! (Mandatory-Voluntary?) } When I first got the urge to phone these people up and scream, "YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT _SHIT_, FOR SHIT'S SAKE!" was when I read that, "All compost that is sold in Canada must comply with the requirements of the Fertilizers Act. This includes provisions for product safety, benefit claims and labeling." Product safety? (Turds are dangerous? You can 'slip' on them?) Benefit claims? (You mean turds _don't_ cure cancer?) Labeling? (It's SHIT! It's hard to fool people about that.) I found out I could avoid fines and imprisonment by reading, "...a National Standard of Canada entitled: 'Organic Soil Conditioners - Composts (BNQ); Guidelines for Compost Quality (CCME); and future amendments to the Fertilizers Act and Regulations (AAFC).'" "Future amendments?" I had to worry about past turds coming back to haunt me, if the laws should change in the future? I was consoled by the fact that these requirements were in the best interests of the different organizations involved, and to ensure that all of the turds in Canada are "consistent." "These provide for a significant level of national consistency by containing virtually identical technical requirements while ensuring that the mandates and interests of the different organizations are realized." My consolation was short-lived, however, as I soon found out that if I didn't understand the proper turd linguistics involved, I could still be in big trouble: "Definition of Compost" "'Composting' and 'compost' are two distinct terms. The former refers to the bio-oxidation process and the latter refers to the resulting product: stabilized organic matter." "As agreed upon by the CCME, BNQ and AAFC, compost is: 'A solid mature product resulting from composting, which is a managed process of bio-oxidation of a solid heterogeneous organic substrate including a thermophilic phase.'" Then, of course, to remain free from fine and imprisonment, I had to be aware of the: Classification of Compost according to: BNQ Standards CCME Guidelines AAFC Regulations As well as keeping in mind: "The Four Criteria: Maturity, Foreign Matter, Trace Elements and Pathogens" Maturity? (You can 'molest' a turd? I could be a 'turdophile'?) Foreign Matter? (Hey! There's a turd in your turd!) Trace Elements? (I have to give the turds multi-vitamins if they don't measure up?) Pathogens? (They mention checking for "sharp objects" in it. If it is a 'long' sharp object, is it illegal to carry the turd in California?) After memorizing the Fertilizer Act and all other regulations and legislation involved, I piled some turds in my yard, next to the garden. It was a week later, when I began to follow the instructions to turn it over and mix it up that I was arrested for "being involved in 'bad shit'." The worst part is that because I was turning it over and stirring it when arrested, I will get an "extra five years" for "use of encryption in the commision of a composting crime." ShitMonger