SITE SOURCES Contents Help! Search CNN Networks Two Saskatchewan Freemen Assassinated One of the Freemen holds a drink during the 81-second standoff on April 1, 1998 Assassination stemmed from Microsoft standoff? Bienfait, SASK (AP) – TruthMonger I and TruthMonger II were assassinated in an 81-second standoff with an unidentified team of freelance assassins who accomplished their goal without firing a single shot. A few short minutes after the CoalDust Saloon opened for business, a limousine bearing Redmond, Washington, license plates pulled up outside the bar, and a half-dozen black-clad, heavily armed figures raced into the building, behind the cover of smoke and tear-gas grenades. They were met by a heavy fusillade of gunfire from a variety of surprised morning drunks who were onery as snot, not yet having finished their first beer of the morning. The assassins rushed into the bar and established strategic positions, only to find that the two TruthMonger entities who were the target of the raid already lay dead on the floor. They quickly rushed out of the CoalDust Saloon and piled into the limousine, which headed for the American border. The day-shift barmaid who investigated the scene--in the absence of local RCMP, who were busy on the reservation legally murdering WagonBurners—noted that TruthMonger I and TruthMonger II had both been shot in the head from behind. Blanc Weber, a member of the Circle of Eunuchs who claimed to have been “just passing through” Bienfait, at the time, and who was reported to be standing behind the TwoMongers when the shooting began, theorized that the fatal shots came from the grassy knoll behind the bar. When confronted by an angry crowd of drunken losers who pointed out that Weber’s anger over the TruthMonger Cult of One Clan including references to her in their Death Threat!!!(s) against an unnamed billionaire from Redmond, Washington, she bought a round of drinks for the house, and the matter was quickly dropped. Jeff Sandquist, a Microsoft employee who had earned his bones by cleaning up the mess that Circle of Eunuchs founder, C.J. Parker had made of the computer systems at the offices of a local mobile home manufacturer, verified Blanc Weber’s claims about the shots coming from the grassy knoll, noting that three bums (Mark Hedges, Robert Canizales, and a shadowy figure known only as Sameer) had been picked up shortly after the incident by Estevan City Police, and taken for a free breakfast at the Husky Truckstop. Sandquist and Weber were picked up and spirited away by a strange figure who refused to reveal his identity, but noted that it was imperative for the group to leave quickly, because “at night, the ice weasels come.” TruthMongerI.jpg TruthMongerII.jpg Local members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Gestapo later indicated that their investigation into the matter revealed that local law enforcement personnel in Redmond, Washington, could not find any suspects in their files matching the description of a billionaire in a limousine. A follow up inquiry by CNN reporters proved to be unsuccessful, as all of the officers involved on both sides of the border had retired by the end of the day. At a wake held for the TwoMongers after a truckload of Olympia beer unexpectedly arrived at the bar, the massive crowd that suddenly appeared out of nowhere reminisced about their fallen drinking buddies. “It was probably an act of mercy, since they had been suffering greatly since installing Win95 on their systems.” ~Anonymous “Ever since TM-I’s cousin died of a mysterious heart-attack after being put in a cage with the female guerillas, we knew it was only a matter of time before Blanc Weber saw the light and decided to become a Claire Wolfe in Sheeple's clothing.” ~Nobody “I *love* this bar…” ~A visitor from Boston © 1998 Cable News Network, Inc. A Time Warner Company All Rights Reserved.