----- Begin Obvious Forgery ----- [Bienfait Nutly News] PRESIDENT CLINTON, TUCKING FUNNY-MONEY INTO THE panties of the topless dancers during their performances at the CoalDust Saloon's 'Paula Jones and Monica Lewinski Look-Alike Contest,' took time out from the festivities to announce plans to help prop up the nation's decaying public school system by allowing Adult WebSites to sponsor the latest computer technology additions to the schools' InterNet systems. "We don't see any harm in this," Clinton told gathered reportwhores, who were pretty much ignoring him as they watched the dancers, "since the children won't be able to legally access the URL's being advertised until they are 18 years old." In response to concerns about the increasing Corporatization of America, Clinton explained that this could be viewed merely as a streamlining of the already-existing system, by eliminating the middlemen (lobbyists and politicians) currently adding inefficiency and expense to the Corporate exercise of free enterprise. Clinton explained that government and corporations were working toward a model which worked well for railways when cabooses became automated and the workers were paid to merely ride the train back and forth. "We will still hold elections, and attend sittings of the House and Senate, but we'll just play cards, or read, or something..." Clinton refused to comment on the recent brouhaha over a student in San Francisco being expelled for life for wearing a T-shirt with an elephant on it during a Political Correctness Event sponsored by the Democratic Party. He did, however, comment on the expulsion of a student at the University of California-Bezerkeley, for wearing clothes during the ribbon-cutting ceremonies for the Naked Guy Boutique. Clinton, looking at photographs of the event, said, "Hubba, hubba!" The Naked Guy, also in attendance at the CoalDust Saloon, told drunken, groping reportwhores of both sexes, "It is my belief that the current anti-trust actions being taken by the DOJ against the nationwide Naked Guy Boutique Chain is nothing more than the result of political pressure by the Anti-NakedGuy Coalition." (The first joint action by a group composed mostly of Fundamentalist Christian groups and Adult WebSite operators.) TToommoorrooww: Gates Pie-Boy Gives Clinton a Wedgie... ---- End Meaningless Blathering -----