Statist Change - SPACE ALIENS HIDE M DRUGS!!! ______________________________________________ "The more you make change, the more your balance books remain the same." ~ Chevy Change Founder - Saturday Night Live Change Manhatten Bank "Statist Change In The SidePocket - ou Can Bank On It." Delbert McClinton, a paid media informant for a shell of the former Time Bandits, the Nutly Noose, sent me a private email, the contents of which which ethics and propriety forbid me to disclose, although it can be PartyPhrased as, "So why the fuck do you keep sending your goddamn SPAM to the CypherPunks list, you illiterate, drunken asshole?!?!?" The Real (TM) Answer #436-C.2: "Because I'm a CypherPunk, ShitForBrains!!!...!!!" "I don't care what they say about me, as long as they spell my name wrong." ~ Declan McCaulkin Former OldSpiceBoy who recently cut a solo album, "ArmGlue" Declan McCullagh (ever notice that I only get his name right when I'm insulting him?), who used to be an unread, but lightly respected journalist for the Netly News (it is better to remain unread and thought a Tool, than to get a byline and remove all doubt) sold the soles of his shoes to pay the piper, only to discover that his Controllers at Time Magazine, a subsiduary of a fidicuary corporation, Slime, Inc., wholly owned by the MainStream Enquirer (Gyrating Minds Want To Be Snowed) had already paid the 'fiddler', and thus got to NameThatTune, since they were astute enough to realize that the 'original' quote was, "Those who learn from the mistakes of the past, can profitably repeat them." So now Declan, currently only a part-time employee of the CIA/FBI/DEA/NSA (and ASecretThreeLetterOrganizationWhich- SecretlyControlsTheWholeWorldToBeNamedLater) as a result of being fired as a Cuspected CypherPunks Cpy, but rehired on a consultancy basis to be a Shadow of his former self... Damn...lost my train of thought, again. I guess that's why they don't pay me the BigBucks... Anyway, if Declan had been one of the original coconspirators (sometimes spelled with a hyphen) in the Secret Plot Against The CypherPunks List, instead of a JohnnyComeLately trying to jump on the bandwagon, after believing Jim Bell when he told Declan how great prison food is, he would be aware that a chapter of a previous 'True Story Of The InterNet' manuscript pointed out that a member of an elite group of dribblers who wore green bibs with numbers on them, the CelticPunks, Kevin McHale (if that is his *real* name...), said of a fellow CelticPunks member, Danny Angst, "Sure, he's actually a slobberer, but he's *our* slobberer!" This quote was used to illustrate my point that the late Dr. Dimitri Vulis, KOTM, an IgnorantInsaneInconsiderateIgnoble Asshole, was a 'CypherPunks' IgnorantInsaneInconsiderateIgnoble Asshole (TM). PissAnt Dale Thorn was a 'CypherPunks' PissAnt. Cocksucker John Gilmore was a 'CypherPunks Cock Cucker' (not to be confused with the Criminal Cocksucker of Canada). Statist GuberMint Chill, Kent Crispin, was a 'CypherSpooks' Statist DoubleMint Chill, and a secret member of the Circle of Eunuchs. The veteran elitists on the list accused me of being a elitist neophyte who was bitter over not having received a CecretSypherPunksDecoderRing (TM), but none of this really has anything to do with the point I am trying to make... "When Outlaws are outlawed, only Outlaws will be outlaws." ~ An Inlaw of Billy the Kid (aka-BadBillyG, BadBillyC, Bill Frantz, Bill Stewart, William Geiger III, Bill C. May, etc.) (Anyone complaining about the foregoing not making any sense is obviously hanging around with David Byrne because he is rich and famous, and not because they truly love and understand his music.) Why I Am Spamming The CypherPunks List #A-497-2.3: I am the TruthMonger. The dedication of my life to becoming one with the MadDog- InPossessionOfTheLastFalseSmile resulted in my being forcefully unbriscrived from the Jack Nicholson Fan Club Mailing List, because "THE CAN'T *HANDLE* THE TRUTH!" In loneliness and depravation, I decided to sribvive to the Suicide Mailing List, but it turned out to be just a corporate- sponsored pimple on the butt of the InterNet, created as a means to feature the Nike 'Just Do It' logo. (Besides, there was only one other member on Suicide Mailing List, and she only sent a single post, a suicide note, helping me to realize that she had really belonged on the list, while I was just a rubbernecker. I then subscribed to the AIDS Support List, but was kicked off when they discovered that I didn't have AIDS, and was just there to try and meet women. On advice of legal counsel, and Jerry Falwell, I will refrain from describing my experiences on the Christian Pre-Teen Mailing List, since charges are still pending. Why did I subscribe to the CypherPunks Mailing List? It was the last one...I had been kicked off of all the others. I thought that this time, I might be accepted for who I really pretend to be, since I believed that the other list members would be delighted to know that I had 'broken PGP,' although I couldn't provide any proof of it, at the time. Also, I had just completed work on a totally unbreakable encryption system, although I was hesitant to share details with others, in fear that someone might figure out how it worked, thus compromising the total security it provided. When the rest of the list suckbikers attacked me in fits of RayCharlesRage, I realized that they, like myself, suffered from Tourette Syndrome, and were not just pretending to, like Andrew Dice Clay. I suddenly realized that encryption was a science that had come about as a result of hundreds of years of misdiagnosis of Dyslexia and Attention Deficit Disorder (not to be confused with Federal Deficit Disorder, which causes politicians peering into taxpayer pockets to see a Bottomless Pit). I realized that these people were sick motherfuckers... I was home... If ou Can't Kill The List ou Love, Kill The One ou're On: I have never been fond of the CypherPunks Mailing List, or its subscribers. The list and list members are a constant reminder that I am a mental misfit and a social outcast, chased by the torch-bearing angry mob of decent, law-abiding NetiZensComeLately back to the CypherPunks Cecret Castle, cleverly disguised as a Mailing List. It is indeed a great irony that I, a pretentious interloper on the list, was ultimately responsible for single-handedly rescuing the CypherPunks list from death and oblivion. I know what you're thinking: "Drop the crack pipe, and slowly back away from the keyboard..." But it's True (TM), I swear to Dog. I'm not claiming to be some kind of Hero, or to be Dustin Hoffman, or anything, since it came about quite by accident. At the time of the Legendary CypherPunks Censorship Crisis (not to be confused with the CypherPunks Moderation Experiment), I did everything I could to forment dissent, cause fractious fractal fractures between the list members, shooting and pissing at everyone and everything in sight, even myself, suffering several serious foot-wounds in the process. It was only later, when it became obvious that the CypherPunks list was going to survive, and prosper, and that, in fact, a beautiful Toad had been transformed, by the KissOfDeath, into a plethora of ugly PrincesAndPrincesses, that I realized that the CypherPunks Censorship Crisis had been an attempt to destroy the list, by making it just another bland, everyday imitation of PoliticallyCorrectMasturbation that would make our mothers proud of us, as long as we didn't stain the sheets too badly. In retrospect I realized that I had inadvertently saved the list from a Zombie-like future as just another sidestreet on the Information Highway by using my posts to promote and glorify violent anarchy against reason, common sense, and everything that my mother and father taught me in the hope of saving me from being a bad influence on myself, little realizing that I was actually epitomizing what the CypherPunks Disturbed Male LISP was really about. I realize that I am enclosing myself in an aura of grandoise self-importance once again, since most of the list subscribers fell into the same knee-jerk reactions as I did, even the ones who were calling the loudest for censorship, but doing so by shitting and pissing on the OfficiallyPerceivedTroubleMakers on the list, so, in actual fact, one might surmise that the CypherPunks Mailing List was not so much 'saved' by anyone, as merely confirming itself to be an IndestructibleEntity that would survive as long as their was a single individual on the face of the earth who continued to respond to a perfectly reasonable and valid statement with, "Oh yeah? Sez who?", or a pair of bickering children screaming, "Did so!/Did not!/Did so!/Did not!" Still, I think I deserve a CypherPunksSecretDecoderRing... "Question Anonymity!" ~ Janet Renal Department of Blow Jobs "Why not? Are you 'gay', or something?" [I am going to take a BeerBreak, and give you a chance to check the archives, in order to confirm that the next chapter of SAHMD, which deals with the concepts underlying the formation of the Army of Dog, was first mentioned on the CypherPunks list by Tim C. May, who really did invent everything, including the Wheel (doing it in his sleep), making the rest of us just dirt under his CypherPunks Elitist Feet (TM).]