--- begin forwarded text X-Sender: oldbear@pop.tiac.net Mime-Version: 1.0 Date: Sat, 24 Feb 1996 17:56:31 -0500 To: rah@shipwright.com From: The Old Bear <oldbear@arctos.com> Subject: fwd: Federal Internet Enforcement Policy --- Forwarded message follows --- The "Federal Internet Indecency Crawler" has determined your Newsgroup or Web Site posting to be in violation of the "Exxxon Communications Indecency Act of 1996". In an effort to comply with the "Federal Paperwork Reduction Act" you are hereby directed to complete the proper arrest warrant paperwork and submit same to the Federal Court in your district, then obtain a valid copy of the approved arrest warrant and serve said warrant upon yourself. To properly initiate this procedure, you are required to submit Form A-16844787033 -83259 (rev.02) in triplicate, which may be obtained from the US Government printing office. After completion, send the original to the Federal Courthouse by certified mail with one copy mailed to your local FBI office. Please make certain to include all pertinent information, including the specific word, words or phrases that constituted the violation, together with your name, address, telephone number, social security number, and the policy number of any health insurance contracts in which you are currently enrolled. Also, please be reminded that as a citizen of the United States and a lawfully appointed officer of the Federal Court "for the purpose of serving the above arrest warrant only", you are exempted from any prohibitions regarding carrying of handguns, rifles, shotguns or any other type of guns or assault weapons while in the act of serving said warrant. However, please be advised that this provision does not apply to you as the recipient of Federal arrest warrants, and as such your constitutionally protected right to bear arms is hereby waived in this instance. It is important that you obtain your signature, thus showing the warrant was properly executed. Kindly note any undue resistance encountered in the appropriate space provided. Because of the large amount of court resources which must be diverted from other judicial efforts in order to accommodate the new "Exxxon Communications Indecency Act", the Democratic and Republican National Parties have made the following kind offer to assist us in enforcement of these new policies. As an alternative to the above process, you may at your option, send a contribution of not less than $100 to the Clinton Presidential Campaign Committee or to the Republican Presidential Nomination Committee. If you should choose one of these alternatives, it will not be necessary to obtain and complete the paperwork outlined above, nor will it be necessary to contact the Federal Court or your local FBI office. Simply copy the Newsgroup post in question or the URL and header information from your web page, and mail to either party committee, with your cashier's check or money order for $100 or more in US funds. In addition to relieving you of the responsibility of filing legal paperwork with the court and undergoing a traumatic arrest procedure, you will have the comfort of knowing that you have contributed in a meaningful way to the political process of your country. In addition, we are authorized (by Senator Exxxon himself) to inform you that after receiving your contribution of $100 or more, we will send you a special alpha- numerical code which, when placed in your header information, will prevent the "Federal Internet Indecency Crawler" from recording your indecency violations until after the November election. Remember, because of the "Exxxon Communications Indecency Act" constitutionally protected free speech is now in limited quantity. So, don't pass up this golden opportunity to avail yourself of unlimited free expression for the next eight months. This may be your last opportunity to do so! 127-A/4 rev. --- end forwarded text ----------------- Robert Hettinga (rah@shipwright.com) e$, 44 Farquhar Street, Boston, MA 02131 USA "Reality is not optional." --Thomas Sowell The e$ Home Page: http://thumper.vmeng.com/pub/rah/