following day 2022-05-13 0249 ET
   I found a way to spend some more time indoors but sadly ended up
   sleeping indoors.
   I had a nightmare where local activists set off a grenade at a
   community event, like a farmer's market or something. The kind of
   activists who would support a farmer's market, not harm it.
   Nightmares like that are hard for me. It's been some time since I
   remember having one, usually I forget them.
   They're hard for me party because they build really strong fears and
   suspicions in me. Parts of me start thinking the activists or people
   like them could be violent terrorists, and I develop dislike and
   suspicion of them. Other parts of me start thinking that if I want to
   support local events, maybe grenades are related somehow. Both of these
   are very scary thoughts for me.
   The dream was really vivid, and after waking I imagined myself being
   harshly accused of being a terrorist, exerting violence at a community
   event. When I have such imaginings it is dangerous for me, because I
   can develop worse habits of self-punishment and self-harm.
   Mostly I just feel a lot of fear. Such is nightmares.
   My therapist had a piece of paper with my email address handwritten on
   it. At the end of the therapy, he ripped it up into pieces in front of
   me.
   This was hard for my value of preservation.