0453
   I made a chart of that, back then.
   anyway, with the wim hof showers, i've been thinking on that experience
   some. for one thing, my mind is pretty different now. that was a number
   of years, psychotic breaks, hospitalizations, etc out there. when you
   take meds or have a psychotic break, either of these can change your
   brain in ways that stick, in my experience. what goes on changes. but
   powerful patterns can change pretty slowly while delicate patterns can
   be pretty vulnerable, which is sad often.
   anyway, with the wim hof showers, I try to not think that thing that
   inhibited the nicotine machine, and I try to be gentle with similar
   thoughts. I kind of navigate my experience as I do it.
   the inexactness of the online logging might be helping me some. my
   inhibitions didn't like precise measurement, maybe because I imagined
   it giving me more ways to resist them. similarly, sharing these things
   in public, the inhibitions get "stage fright" kind of, and are less
   active, change less wildly ...
   often I try to develop confidence by doing or saying the opposite of
   what the inhibitions in me want, like some of the content in the mind
   control stories. but I try to do that less, or at least much less
   pointedly, around this task, to help it succeed ...