Note to self. I'm putting this here because I'm not currently saving my
   messages to my therapist.
   Last therapy I was stressed and out of it because I remembered being
   accused of hacking the wifi at an assisted living situation I was in.
   It was so painful to be at odds and in punishment with the people. I
   had given the access code to other residents, I think while employed by
   them.
   I remembered today that situation likely escalated because I lied about
   it.
   At the time, I was experiencing a flashback to my difficult situation
   that drove me crazy, where I was experiencing pressure to lie in
   exchange for being harmed less. It became very clear that lieing was
   the way to survive and be healthier, but this was completely new to me,
   and I didn't see how it was a good idea for anything.
   When I had an opportunity to lie in my assisted living situation, I
   thought about what I had been through, and I lied. But it didn't work
   at all. It made things much worse.
   In my difficult situation, I was at the very start of lieing. I was to
   lie about anything at all. Just random things. But I wouldn't. So when
   I had an opportunity to lie, I didn't take people believing it very
   seriously, or try very hard.
   I guess I feel scared about that concept, for a handful of reasons.
   Mostly I don't want to develop a fear-based habit of forming plans
   involving unnecessary lieing.
   I remember when suddenly my friends, people I knew, came around me and
   for a couple days saying things that made absolutely no sense nor
   truth, and laughing about it, just like how I laugh now when I write
   the horrible MCBoss stories that I plan to keep writing, I guess unless
   I can form better conscious inferences around human manipulation and my
   memories. No matter what I said to them, it seemed nothing rational
   would get exchanged.
   Nowadays I lie all the time and I can barely control it. That's what
   email tags are for.