hello personal journal
   oh you're not a personal journal you're a mailing list of elite
   researchers and techs that has been consistently harassed by strange
   influences for decades?
   um.  hmm.
   okay, I was going to journal about some issues I have engage tech
   contributions, that are struggling due to strange influence, but now I
   feel bad that I may be harassing the members of this list in doing so.
   this is the purpose of my [spam] tags.  is it maybe ok given the [spam]
   tag?  maybe a little?
   no? you say that some kind of government and corporate surveillance
   networks can still somehow use my post to harm the people here?
   or you're worried that some people might read my post, even though it
   is tagged [spam]?
   ummmm
   well, I don't want to worry you this way.  i'm really handling a lot of
   ashamedness here.
   ummmmmmmmm
   ummm
   there must be some way we can sort this out.  some way I can contribute
   to the list rather than harming it?  I mean honestly spamming this list
   is _so_ helpful to me.  really very helpful.
   a boss? a government agency? no, I don't work for anyone.  you don't
   believe me?  you wonder how spamming the list is helpful to me if i'm
   not being paid to do so.  ummmm it's hard to talk about that.  you knew
   I would say that?
   well, maybe i'm not very good at communicating.  i've always been a
   pretty poor communicator.  this is really _very_ hard to explain, um
   ....
   honestly I was brainwashed by -- wait, don't go!  where are you going?
   omigod are you okay?
   come back?  is that blood?
   oh!  you're spamming the list too!
   do you think by spamming this list we can somehow get code written?
   you can't seem to answer that?  are you sure you're okay?
   it's very hard to be forced to spam a list when you think you're
   working on software.  let me show you one of my strategies and maybe
   you can improve on it.
   I mark the time as I try to work on software.
   it's 12:52p EDT on 11/4/2021 and there's been a major development in a
   pull request I have open in libusb.  unfortunately, my cognitive issues
   have been getting in the way of responsibly addressing it.