Jaded Mind Control Victim: "My name is Jaded Mind Control Victim, and
   I'm a slaveowner."
    All: "Welcome, Jaded Mind Control Victim."
    "How did you become a slaveowner, Jaded Mind Control Victim?"
    Jaded Mind Control Victim: "I was drugged and hypnotised and tapes of
   commands were played over and over in my ears.  I still respond to
   traumatic triggers from my programming to this day.  There are more of
   us, and we use secret languages with each other to enslave others."
    Everyone applauds.