[ot][spam][crazy][personal] pursuing rationality

[Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many]

- it’s helpful, pleasant, and grounding to relate with rational people
and conversations
- it’s quite hard, and there is a great urge to pressure them to be irrational
- when irrational, this seems to worsen as the pressure continues
- if there is something in one that reduces rationality, and it has
reason, this seems analogous to dissociation or trauma. conflict with
basic reason implies an unhandleable truth.

one can then infer that there is likely a set of rational “bounds”
that would most effectively help one increase rationality while
minimally stimulating the fear of engaging whatever the unhandleable
truth is. for example, if i feel least thretened when supporting an
imaginary mcboss, maybe i could try to work financial paperwork for a
corporation or something — not sure.

i usually try to get skilled at something safe and then kind of branch
out carefully once established.