[ot][personal] cult reading notes

[Undiscussed Groomed for Male Slavery, One Victim of Many]

ch 5

i'm somewhat concerned it's saying it will be describing in detail
what it is like to be a cult member. this could make it a lot harder
for me to distinguish between my experiences and what i read, since
i'm mostly in an altered state of mind. it could also make it harder
to convey or demonstrate to others that my experiences are real, since
i could have
gotten them from the book.

planning on reading anyway.

doctrine is reality

i'm remembering when i seemed probed via social media for different
influenceable patterns, weird beliefs. things responding to my 'likes'
in rapid and frightening ways.
how this normal system was involved seems similar to how normal people
also seem involved, like the police officer who told me this person's
organisation could not be contacted likely because they had "gone out
of business" with according to them was apparent "because they were
offering online services".

it's hard to handle the lack of rationality in today's world, and i'm
sure influential systems try to advantage by that. some day maybe i
can tell whether that is what is up or not.

the memory around doctrine of reality and possible probing expands
toward the harshness of some of the social network influences that
wouldn't respond to my filters or preferences; both automated and via
other human beings, a few of whom i met physically. i suppose it's
pretty hard to distinguish what was social network, what was physical,
what was or is system compromise, and what was my own mind.

0_0 it seems like there's something i have amnesia around similar to
the concept of 'doctrine is reality'. not my preference to read
through this, but it is my plan.

regarding confusing convolution of doctrines, and how that's a part of
mind control in general, i'm thinking of the history of mkultra and
how i heard it is very confusing, and refrained from reviewing it too
much. maybe it isn't.

- distrust the self; heavy pattern for me

- good/evil thinking. it's funny and painful to never believe this.

- deprogrammers and other aid workers as evil

- devils taking on forms of friends

- stories of huge conspiracies working to thwart the group
valuable for me differentiate between mainstream modern issues, and my
personal issues.

- author traced back influences via studying phobias

- disagree re the assumption that having resting agency with a
community rather than the individual is inherently harmful, but makes
sense here. difference here is that the alternative to individuality
is conformity.

- book referenced difficulty of cult members thinking for themselves /
making their own decisions. i've always had that difficulty somewhat,
but it wasn't impossible as if everything in me is fighting it, like
it has become. i remembered the time a child pantomimed similar to an
intense experience i had, my feet freezing. maybe they saw something
similar in a cartoon on social media ;p

- "need someone to tell them what to think, feel, and do". in my state
of mind of remembering, i'm thinking how this can because it is so
frightening what can happen when one does not think, feel, or do, what
is expected.

- cults he describes have very extended disruptive confusion to keep
members kind of dreamy i guess. i guess we experience that too for
example on this list, but i also think about the intense experiences
of confusion and trauma that can really shift people in shorter terms.

- cult members can strike people as weird because they have similar mannerisms
- it seems like leader modeling coudl be similar to that experience
where one adopts behaviors and affects different from anything one
would ever do on their own, as if it is almost natural.

- repeated word of "modelling".
- in the author's cults, the models the cultists adopt represent the
personality of the leader at the top.

- all problems of group are emotional and personal responsibility of members

- members associate happiness with cult alotment, and it can be given
and taken. experiential similarity here.

- sense of strong closeness tends to be fantasmal, with actual
connection quite shallow

- genetic competition norms in the cultures, "bad ancestors".

- similarities to domestic abuse, "finding problems in the group and
blaming members for them"

- holds fear and guilt as both being larger manipulation influences.

- emotional highs and lows. i suspect mine were more extreme than
described here.

- norm of treating objections or criticism with nonverbal negativity,
possibly as if it is somehow harmful: 'given silent treatment or
transferred to other area'. a lot of my jhabitual influences are
similar to how i respond to if i say something and get silence in
response. i also experience this a lot: i say things, and get no
response. normal things.

- emotional highs and lows proportional to activity

- saw 'no way out' and remembered people not seeming to know how to
leave the city. also remembered remembering trying to find post
offices and at one of them the line being incredibly long and a woman
saying to me "at least we're in the right place" and asking for my
agreement

- mutation of sense of memories. doesn't explain how this happens.
obviously not my favorite concept. some day i will make my fleet of
blockchain'd vlogs.

- huge urgency around tasks being performed. experiential thing quite
painful. maybe my sense of criticism and removal of the things i
valued being crucial could have been in conflict with the crucialness
of the moment-to-moment tasks i went through.

- psychological prison, just something the author says

wow this chapter is so short

- moonies had symbolic death for people who leave :/ private concept
for me i'm guessing. i'm not a cult ;p

- "people who leave cults are extremely courageous". dunno if i left a
cult but people need a lot more help than challenges of courage in my
strong opinion.

- author reminds: those who hide their involvement through shame,
doubt, guilt, fear, or anger, are missing a valuable opportunity to
help free others by the example of freeing themselves. <=