Morning Spam

[Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many]

The Self-Writing Novel, Volume 41
by Rebel Worker 2
page 3

Rebel Worker 2 was laying on a vivisection table, dressed in his
Ancient Demon Orgy Robes. A microwave oven was strapped hanging from
the ceiling and Cult Programmer 3 was gliding the oven over Rebel
Worker 2’s head like a Zamboni[1] over ice.

“Forget,” muttered Cult Programmer 3. “Please forget. Juuuuust …
forget. Let all those memories drift away, like fish being released to
the sea from too large a catch. Memories for me? No sirree. Forget,
Ancient Demon damn you!!!!”

Cult Programmer 3 then pulled over a surgery robot, and handled the
controls while opening Rebel Worker 2’s skull and placing various
objects in Rebel Worker 2’s brain. An iPhone, a gameboy, a shortwave
radio, a copy of Microsoft Windows … Cult Programmer 3 then sealed
Rebel Worker 2’s skull, leaving only a prominent antenna protruding
from the top.

Rebel Worker 2 was then awoken and sat in front of a viewscreen. He
was flashed images of parts lf his own novel, while given very painful
electric shocks that seemed to almost never end. Finally, oh god
finally, an image was shown of Ancient Demon, Boss, Machine Learning
Marketer, Cult Programmer 3, and Rebel Worker 2 all holding hands
while burning Rebel Worker 2’s novel, and a sense of incredible
euphoria overwhelmed Rebel Worker 2.

He knew he had to do this.

Rebel Worker 2 stumbled back to his off, blood dripping from his head,
and saw his novel. There it was. He had some matches, somewhere.
Everything was going to be wonderful.

Then he saw the content, remembered what he was doing, and sat down to
write down all the great material.


1: A Zamboni is a large driveable machine used at skating rinks. It
smoothes the ice in the area it is driven, via melting and refreezing
of the upper surface. Before skating events, it may be driven over
every surface of ice, to make a pristine blank slate for the skaters.