[ot][spam][crazy] sad,frustrated about not writing code

[Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many]

:) this stuff is reallt hard!

I screamed at my therapist on thursday T_T . screaming is _really bad_ when
you have a psychosis. your poor brain doesn't know what are the things to
do when stuff gets intense. it can take some time to come back, and you
have to be careful to stay as grounded as you can. it can also be an
opportunity for change, though.

the therapist kept trying to get me to think of reasons my email name could
be bad, using the habitual manipulative phrasing we all use when hoping
others will improve. it was really hard for everyone. I was hoping we could
talk about the reason I had set it, in the therapy, but that wasn't where
it started :/
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