[ot][spam][crazy][personal] trying to do things

[Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many]

0442

trying to do stuff is hard for me. it triggers harsh dyskinesia and tactile
hallucinations. my muscles clench and move me away from the task, the
harder I try.

I have a lot of those strangely-interwound behaviors, where doing one thing
causes something else, inside me. one doctor said neurological damage could
cause this, after measuring some of my nerves. I know my brain can rewire
things. it's unfortunate i'm doing this in a way counter to my goals.
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