Morning Spam

[Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many]

Victim of Universe Replacement: "Hey, didn't you used to be right handed?"

Replaced Shop Clerk: "Oh, sorry, we're replacing your universe with one
that talks about universe replacement."

Victim of Universe Replacement: "What??"

Replaced Shop Clerk: "Believe me, this is much better. We used to replace
universes with ones that hid the replacement! Can you believe? How
uncivilized!"

Victim of Universe Replacement: "How is this possibly??"

Replaced Shop Clerk: "Oh, some of us are highly paid spies, other are
coerced felons, some are plain slaves, and there are lots of people in
between, but most of us are just subtly tricked by the others to play
along."

Victim of Universe Replacement: "This is ridiculous! I'm calling my friend."

[phone dials and rings]

Friend: "... Hello?"

Victim of Universe Replacement: "Friend, this is so crazy, I have to talk
to you."

Friend: "Oh! I'm so sorry. I'm not sure I can talk well right now. My
universe is being replaced by one that talks about replacing people's
universes and it's very jarring."

Victim of Universe Replacement: "You too???"

Shop Clerk: "Look, I have a great idea. Let's try to put things back how
they were, figure out why this is happening or who is causing it, and stop
them!"

Friend: "Am I on speaker phone? My replaced people are on board with that
too. Let's do it!"

Victim of Universe Replacement: "You trust these doppelgangers??"

Friend: "Oh, I'm practically a doppelganger myself, as are you! Nobody
behaves right when this weird stuff is going on!"

Shop Clerk: "You definitely shouldn't trust us but that doesn't mean we
aren't trying to improve this. What would you do if somebody replaced your
universe with one that manipulated you into replacing other people's
universes? You'd fight back, of course!"

Victim of Universe Replacement: ".... Of course. This reminds me of a movie
... wait no I mean it reminds of the nightmare I had after getting lost in
a mirror maze. Could I have some time to myself, please?"

Friend: "[beep] [beep] Ummm my phone won't hang up."

Victim of Universe Replacement: "Okay. We're going to turn this around. I
have another friend who knows about blockchains. I hear on a blockchain you
can't change, delete, or censor anything!"

Shop Clerk: "Oh I know just what to say to your friend. I have this thing
where whenever I say it everyone who hears it gets replaced until nobody
can find I said it anymore."

Friend: "This sounds intense! Can I pack a lunch first?"
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