[spam][wrong] bad jokes

[Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many]

I went to buy a chair from Microsoft.

I was excited that they had a chair for sale. It was a cushion on a
pair of legs, but inbetween the cushion and the legs of the chair was
something labeled "seat" that appeared to be a conglomerate of
ridiculously overengineered crap held up by other ridiculous
overengineered crap as deep as the eye could see, powered by a
datacenter on the moon.

I think there was an x86 assembly interpreter written in visual basic
in there somewhere, holding up the seat cushion.

Still, I was happy to have a chair.

Then I needed a pencil, so I went to Apple.

I was excited that they had a pencil for sale. It was a graphite rod
with thick yellow paint around it, but between the yellow paint and
the graphite rod was something labeled "wood and erasor" that appeared
to be a conglomerate of ridiculously overengineered crap held up by
other ridiculous overengineered crap as deep as the eye could see,
powered by a datacenter on the moon.

I think there was an entire purpose-built operating system in there,
somewhere, that seemed to be used just to make the edges of the wood
and eraser rounder.

Still, I was happy to have a pencil.

Then I needed a paperclip, so I went to the open source and free
software community.

I was excited that the open source and free software community had a
paperclip. They didn't even charge money for it, they just asked me to
press some special buttons on a keyboard until it built itself. It was
a wire of steel with a bend at one and and a bend at the other, and
between the two bends was something labeled "middle of steel wire"
that appeared to be a conglomerate of ridiculously overengineered crap
held up by other ridiculously overengineered crap as deep as the eye
could see, powered by a small handful of nerds who seemed impossible
to get in contact with but were able to bend reality to your will if
you did.

I think there was an entire purpose-built scripting language in there,
that ended up only being used to call out to shell functions to make
sure that the paperclip was bent at just the angle I configured it to
be.

Still, I was happy to have a paperclip.

Then I needed a coffee mug coaster, so I went to Goo ...