[ot][fiction][crazy] Weird Bug Hotline

[Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many]

Intern: "Hi, Weird Bug Hotline! Is it currently biting you?"

Callee: "Yes, Weird Bug Hotline. I am currently being bitten."

Intern: "Is it big and menacing or tiny and sneaky? What region are you in?"

Callee: "I'm running Slackware; I had a kernel panic and rebooted, and
when I booted up grub is doing something really weird, I don't
understand."

Intern: "Okay, calm down and look at the bug. It sounds big. Can you
describe any patterns of its appearance? Does it itch or sting in any
way?"

Callee: "It says: "R0ckH0rse Trojan 7", uhh, "Black Zeta Command
Interface", uhh and there's a blinking cursor."

Intern: "Have you tried turning it off and then back on?"

Callee: "Yes! Over and over again! It keeps doing the same thing!"

Intern: "Callee, I am so sorry to inform you that somebody has been
pwned, and it is not you. Turn the computer off and remove the hard
drive."

Callee: "Okay!"

Intern: "You have a backup system right?

Callee: "Yeah, and I bought a new one to handle this issue !"

Intern: "On your clean system, image the disk and all the firmware
chips of the system devices. You can use flashrom to image firmware
devices. Upload the images to a cheap permahosting service like
arweave, and send them to ever antivirus vendor via both physical and
digital mail."

Callee: "Ok! Thank you, Weird Bug Hotline!"