[ot][spam][crazy] Doing Nothing / karl status

[k]

i'm indoors today.  i slept indoors last night.  i was struggling.

my last therapy went pretty poorly.  i was _severely_ dissociated from
i think the automated reverse engineering project, and maybe something
else.  i just wanted some kindness from the therapist, i've never had
anybody to talk about being dissociated with.  they gave me a lot of
confusing things, said i needed to do tasks for them; they had made
changes to a treatment plan we had made together, and printed the plan
out and wanted me to review and update it.  i didn't have access to
mental information about it and the content all relates to the thing i
went through 8ish years ago that drives me wild when i consider it.
they often stimulate me via interruption which can leave me very
confused when i am trying to remember what is going on or what we are
talking about.  i had asked for a new therapist, and they told me int
his session that my request had been denied [i still need to check
client rights to see if they're allowed to say that, but they noted
there are private therapists in the community].  these things were new
and important to me and iw anted to take time to navigate my
experiences to see what i needed to remember about them but i didn't
know how to do this amongst all the prompted communication.

so i figured if i was so dissociated i couldn't relate around
logistics, i should have canceled the appointment in advance.  so i
canceled mine yesterday, and spent a night indoors.  my 'mind control'
experiences often exert less pressure when i do what they push me to
do.