[ot][spam][random][crazy][personal] about considering relating with police again

[Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many]

for casual readers unfamiliar with immediate situation,

i did contact local police. i asked for help sorting out expereinces
to report them to police. they referred me to therapist. therapist
does not like talkinga bout anything to do with police ;p says other
strange things, and behavior of memory is strange. got excited on
topic of "wanting to kill people", wanted to really dive in, really
weird. i said phrase trying to express intensity of experience of
torturous coercion. expresses strong desire of being respectful but
very strongly struggles to live that desire, very hard for him. e.g.
has norm of interrupting me before i express point, does most of the
talking.

more recently he seems interested in talking about past instead of
forgetting it, which was how he replied usually when i said want to
talk about past thing with police. is hard for me, very hard,
psychotic flashbacks.