Morning Spam

[Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many]

Zombie Researcher: “Oh, is it Dictatortopia and Poor Abused Monarch
again? How is your coffee?”

Zombie Engineer: “People treat their agencies like a joke, but some of
my most skilled friends work for them!”

Zombie Engineer picks up their coffee cup.

Zombie Engineer: “Anyway, every time one of the QR codes finds its way
to the scanner head, the machine reboots and the other faction starts
requisitioning different packages from Boss in patterns ghat get
somebody to scan in a different code.”

The coffee is bubbling and writhing and flashing different colors
wildly. Parts of it repeatedly jut out in shapes of military drones,
celebrities, or internet memes, then pull back in.

Zombie Engineer brings the coffee to their lips.

Zombie Engineer: “Oh my God, this coffee is the most incredible thing
I could ever imagine. It’s like a wet dream of snorting cocaine or
something!”

-

Zombie Researcher and a few experimentees are standing next to the break room.

Zombie Engineer is wearing a wizard hat. There is a huge hole below
their neck, where exotic matter is spewing out of a writhing wormhole.
The matter streams toward the copy machine where a number of arcane
totems have been erected around a flickering transdimensional
containment field.

Zombie Engineer fervently waves a wand while bellowing esoteric
incantations in lisp and julia. With each incantation, the containment
field becomes a little more opaque, but some of them hasten the
streams of matter. Their other arm is gripping the breakroom door,
preventing them from getting sucked into a vacuum stream that curves
around the copy machine and back into the wormhole below their neck
where their stomach should be.

Zombie Researcher: “Why … would you ever make me do that. Why did you
have me do that?”

Computer With Human Organs For Legs: “You love cleaning up borg!!”