[ot][spam][crazy][rude] ramblings and bemoanings

Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many gmkarl at gmail.com
Wed Dec 7 18:40:27 PST 2022


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A Rambling On Eroding Sanity And Goals

Most of my worries are focused on whether or not I can do things I
prefer to. I think of this a lot.

I have a lot of intense experiences that rather take me over, so the
parts for doing what I prefer tend to be kind of small dregs. As I
focus on these few things, other parts of me can really fall by the
wayside, and I get less and less connected with what makes sense in
the world.

I think it can turn around, though.

It's funny, to see myself behaving so foolishly, while worrying about
parts of my mind that I try to protect in order to not be foolish. It
would leave one confused, but I'm already pretty confused.

Focusing in on the idea of willpower or what one wants to do: my wants
can be pretty varied, kind of like a hierarchy of compromises, looking
for small parts of beingness that match something that I recognise as
something I chose or desired at some point. And like any logic, there
is a different hierarchy of things that might support other things.

These little bits, I worry for them, for me, for us. But I know
something can happen. Something always does.


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