[ot][spam][crazy][rude] ramblings and bemoanings

[Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many]

1. Once upon a time ....

2. It's interesting to compulsively blither onto this mailing list
where I don't really know anybody and have amnesia around most of the
parts of the real content I actually knew.

I would guess that one of the reasons my subconscious would have
picked this list to spam was both that the people using it were
probably pretty resilient to spam, but also that I don't really know
many people here, and don't have a strong emotional attachment to the
culture.

That second point, it feels bad, and that bad feeling reflects on me:
there are few things here that really strike my heart.

I likely would have subconsciously worked very hard to keep myself
away from communities I really strongly valued, perceiving myself as
harming them.

A counterargument could be that other communities could be targeted
just as badly as this one, and maybe my additional targeting would be
minimal.

It's an interesting thought.

Still, I like the tiny bit of safety of having [spam] tags and not
having strong connection to the community.

It's an interesting idea, that maybe I could find more communities by
feeling like I am disrupting them, rather than trying to engage them.
Of course things end up being a hybrid of both.