[ot][wrong] Please let me sleep outdoors in the coldest winter. Was: Re: PLEASE LET ME SLEEP OUTDOORS

[Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many]

2022-03-21 thru 2022-03-27: [X] Week 1 of Wim Hof Cold Protocol, 30 seconds
cold water daily. Performed indoors.

2022-03-28 thru 2022-04-12: [ ] it simply got harder and harder to shower
at all as I stretched the cold water time toward 1:30 in week 2 and
discovered my water could be made colder than I had had it before

2022-04-14 0924 ET: [X] Custom protocol reacclimation, 1 meal , 5 seconds
of cold water

2022-04-14 1120 ET: [X] 10 seconds with food

2022-04-14 1551 ET: [X] 15 seconds with food

2022-04-14 1826 ET: [X] 20 seconds with food

2022-04-15 0456 ET: [X] 25 seconds with food

2022-04-15 1027 ET: [X] 30 seconds with food

2022-04-16 0843 ET: [X] 35 seconds with food

2022-04-16 1128 ET: [X] 35 seconds with food

I repeated 35 seconds. It was so much easier to be in the cold water oh my
god.

It was really hard leading up to it. I seemed able to barely do or plan
anything other than eating, but showering was a block. I ended up showering
for the purpose of eating afterward.

Still pretty confused.

2022-04-16 1326 ET: [X] 35 seconds with a lot of food

Very hard to start. Not hard once started. Thought of fasting to avoid, so
hard to start.

I get kind of dissociated and it becomes very hard to remember what I'm
doing or make decisions about anything.

Scared.

Left some electronic devices near shower.

2022-04-16 1528 ET: [X] 35 seconds. no food.

I feel like if I keep going, it will be because I showered again after I
thought I couldn't.

A friend once told me that it is important to _always_ exceed expectations.

Regarding the cold water, it was much much easier and is starting to feel
invigorating again.

2022-04-16 2213 ET: [X] 40 seconds with food, indoors.

Much easier to start. I also found a way to continue with my serialice work
which helped calm me.

Did a warmish shower instead of a hot shower. The cold water at the end
didn't seem as easy as last time, a little shivery. I guess how warm the
preceding water is, impacts how it goes.

It seems really helpful to have it feel easy. Thinking of attending to that
more as I change temperatures and increase times.

2022-04-17 0743 ET: [X] 40 seconds with food, indoors

The cold water was easy this time. After a bit, it almost didn't seem cold
enough, even though I had the temperature all the way down like when it was
very hard.

I attended to what angle the knob was at during the warm shower prior, so I
could redo the amount.

I'm thinking 2-3 showers at each degree of chill might make sense for me
right now.

2022-04-17 1154 ET: [X] 40 seconds with food, indoors

There was a freak snow here today, and I'd opened the bathroom window and
let cold air in.

The cold water felt much colder, and the warm water much less warm, with an
environment of cold air. A tiny bit shivery.

It still wasn't as cold as I thought it would be after only 40 seconds,
which is always a good thing.

2022-04-17 1355 ET: [X] 45+30 seconds with snack, indoors

I accidentally had my phone in silent mode and stayed in for 30 seconds
extra. Air still cold.

It's reasonable but hard enough I'm rather worried it could trigger my
inhibitions for another week. Something to think about. Maybe I'll turn the
warm part warmer or something.

2022-04-17 1622 ET: [X] 45 seconds cold water with food, indoors

I was having a lot of social anxiety and wanted to comfort eat, so I did
the cold water too.

It's pretty cold. I'm wondering if the breathing and things would help. It
makes sense, if you're anxious, that it would.

I forgot to take my phone out of silent mode which added to my anxiety some
;p . But I seemed to guess when 45 seconds was up pretty accurately.

2022-04-18 1023 ET: [X] 45 seconds cold water with food, indoors

I ate a sugar cookie right as the water went cold. I imagine this helping
me repeat the behavior, not really sure.

Afterward, I'm having a mysterious and painful strong itch. Distraction by
this makes it hard to remember details of how the exercise went. But it
wasn't too hard, and the air was relatively warm.

It's apparent from the lack of fogging of things that I'm successfully
weaning off hot water.

Time to bump to 50 seconds.

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