[ot] an old story regarding child kissing

[Karl]

This is not intended to express a particular opinion about the recently
referenced whisper, which I _have not reviewed the data around_.

Around 2014 a homeless family with a child, and a homeless trans person
both of whom were struggling to find workable life paths in the area, were
sleeping in my apartment.

The child had had a rough life and sometimes I spent time with them to give
them small cognitive challenges.  I liked encouraging people to learn to be
smarter.  They seemed to appreciate this, mostly because their parents
didn't seem to have as much time to spend with them as would have been
ideal.

At one point I was working at my desk and the child came toward me, got on
my lap, and quickly kissed me on the lips.  This was very strange and got
in the way of my software development work.  But, one of my friends had
kissed their parents on the lips as a norm, so I figured that was the case
with this child, too.

Later, when we were having an apartment discussion regarding other things,
somebody mentioned that they had seen me "stealing kisses" with the child.
I figured this was a harmless joke, since it was such a ridiculous way to
say it.  Many people were present.

But after this, the family actually _moved out_ to _protect their child_.
I was sad because this family had nowhere to stay and the child obviously
had very few opportunities to do anything nourishing.

I didn't stick up for myself, to tell the story more clearly, because I had
never had to do this, my whole life.  My behavior and reputation had always
spoken for me far better than my own words.

It's a strange experience.  But with my psychosis now, I tend to relate
things similar to other things.

That experience was one of many weird experiences that happened during the
start of my psychosis.

It's scary to relate because I'm so paranoid now.  I'm scared everything is
a reason to harm me.  But I've been harmed so much at this point that there
is little reason to fear anything.

So now we enter a paranoid state where I am scared I could be a pedophile
and people would kill me because of it.  If I am one, I would love to know
how to make it right.  My whole life is ahead of me, and I could dedicate
it to anything.  I yearn to live an honorable life.
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