[wrong] Killing the PGP web of trust

Karl gmkarl at gmail.com
Tue Jun 22 16:21:41 PDT 2021


It has been a long, weary battle to exterminate the PGP web of trust, but
it has nearly concluded.

The first step was to make it nearly impossible for people to use pgp.
Many of our soldiers lost their lives in battles against user interface
developers and alternative standardisations.  Luckily, this phase of the
war was won, and pop was only ever used by trackable nerds and
professionals.

The second phase of the war was to prison keysigning parties.  Although we
were extensively delayed by the deception of labeling a military conference
a "party", after a few bombings we managed to make these parties seem
boring and bland even to those actually interested in secret communication.

The third phase was deployment of various forms of disruption of
keyservers.  We spread rumors that it was the use of servers that
compromised people's privacy, rather than their personal choice of
associating their legal name with their email address.  We produced fake
keys that sounded legit, and signed them with extensive fake signatures
with fake timestamps, and then publicised these through spies to spread
worry.  We spammed keys with signatures and uploaded them to the servers en
masse, to lay seige to the supply lines of this enemy.

The fourth and final phase was coronavirus.  By breaking all the signing
parties up, we could mitm all their communications, and prevent them from
forming plans to attack our borders.  In the confusion we wrought by
disrupting their communications, we were able to cut people off from the
terrorrism of pgp altogether.

Debian is shifting to use a tool from bsd, who trusted us from the start.

The seeds we have planted will grow a beautiful nation of people who trust
only us, and never their friends.

The preceding paragraphs are shared in sarcasm.  It is horrible to lose
pgp, it means whoever is the best at hacking your isps controls the world,
and nobody knows for sure who that is.
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