[ot][ot][wrong][wrong]

[Karl]

>
> --

Additionally Karl loves the outdoors and spent years training to live
> outdoors [go away mc!!!!!!!] so that he could spend his life
>

So when I express this, prior to the [], I experienced strong urge to send
me outdoors as I wanted.  But the behaviors associated didn't include all
the cognitive and physical parts of that, sending me outside without
preparation or relation to anything else going on.

I do strongly appreciate the pressure to go outside, and would like to be
there now.  When I am outside I experience increased torment, with pressure
to go back inside.  It is unpleasant to move inside and outside back and
forth.  Don't get me wrong I love _moving my body_ etc which is great. But
I do not love experiencing cognitive torment such as amnesia, visions of
physical torture, and convulsing muscles.

The pressure to go outside acts on my goals and plans, which is great, but
doesn't address any of the existing patterns.  So it is asking me to figure
out on my own how to resist all the patterns pressuring me to stay inside.

I have ways of doing that sometimes, but they involve amnesia and complex
internal planning and they put my areas of cognition at risk (and my
ability to deter psychotic breaks and times of abject terror or suffering)
if I don't have sufficient time to heal and prepare between them.
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