[wrong] [ot] [spam] crazy journalling

[Karl]

It could be fun to continue the story about the friend who exchanges gifts,
but right now I am trying to code while believing I am not.

Current bug:  added simple range interpolation to handle functions with
bigger derivatives than the inverse of the bucket size, and I'm getting 0's
where the answer should be and nan's where it shouldn't.

Reviewing my code I find many other new bugs in my implementation, not yet
causing an issue.  Fixing some.  Haven't found the one making the nans
yet.  Raises the importance of simulation.

Not sure where I'm at right now.  I apparently have a gab window opened,
and just compiled without installing.  The test assumes it's installed.
I'll install and restart the gab run.   It's 06:58 new york time,
2021-06-03 .

Oh, I think I remember the kind of thing I'm doing.  I run through the
proportions to hunt down where the nans are coming from using the debugger,
fixing other errors as I encounter them.  I just added code to skip areas
with 0 density related to the edges of buckets and data regions lining up.
I try to get things stable then reduce and organise a little more.

I'm back to working on it!  But the behavior is associated with keeping
this composition window open, so I'll do that for a bit.  It's 7:03 .

A squirrel alarm pattern has been going on near me.  I've stopped working
after setting a better breakpoint, and I have an urge to check the list for
posts.

I check the list archives and see I'm the last who posted.  Relates posting
fiction.

It's 7:08 .  Returning to work.

Suddenly hungry.  Urge to leave.  It's still 7:08 .

Getting confused.  It's 7:09 .

I've restarted the debugged process and it hit the earlier breakpoint I
set.  Disabling inefficient breakpoint.  It's 7:10.

I continued the process and suddenly I am right where the nan would be
generated.  Woah!  This issue was so hard to consider.  It's great to see
what causes it.

I worked with the code a bit and have not found the error yet.  It's 7:17
.  I am suddenly leaving to eat, without planning to.

It's a struggle to take my computer with me, going indoors to have
breakfast with my mother.  When she doesn't see me eating, my mother seems
to think that I am not eating at all.  It's 7:18 .

It's 7:19 .  I broke my laptop's power cable, unplugging it.  I gripped at
the wrong spot, for the first time.  It's 7:20 .  My phone's battery is at
15%.

It's 7:21 .  I take water with me everywhere I go to reduce possible cancer
from drinking wild water.  I left my water bottle in the truck where I was
working, and it takes engaging flashbacks of torture to enter and leave the
truck.  I have another bottle out here, to take when I make this error, so
I don't have to re-enter my truck.  The flashbacks are not associated with
the truck specifically, more whether or not I engage willpower.

It's 7:24 and I made an error I often make.  My mother is still sleeping.
She doesn't wake until after 8.  I am suddenly and mysteriously hungry, but
it is too early.  The hunger reduces writing that, but I start losing
control of my muscles when it does.  I feel frozen.

I know from my experiences consciously sleeping, that when you are asleep
and somebody walks near you, your subconscious attends to the pattern of
footsteps to protect you.  My mother is snoring, but I know she is sleeping
less soundly and getting less rest, because I am near.  She gets little
rest because her two dogs strangely bark all night.

It's 7:26 and I am struggling against muscle spasms to leave the building
so as not to wake my mother.

It's 7:28 .  I'm back at my truck.  The goal is to finish debugging.  I
haven't entered it.  I'll take some time to fix the power cable.  I've
started using wire screws for everything -- they make fixing fast and easy.

It's 7:30 and I've fixed my power cable.  I feel it's time to choose where
to lose control of my body, and I pick the truck so the computer doesn't
get wet if it rains.

It's 7:31 and I'm back in the truck.  Rather than laying down and having
seizure-like experiences, for which there is no room here, I plug the
computer back in and for once try to resume work despite having an
appetite.  Also, I have some things to eat here, believe it or not.

I can move my body better than usual.  I'm typing this on a blackberry
android phone that my father gave me.  Unlike his, mine often ignores my
input or pauses for long periods, but for both of us google pay refuses to
allow payment via paypal.

It's 7:34 but rather than working, although my laptop is powered and open
now, I am considering writing about cryptocurrency.

7:35 .  I'm at the debugger again.  I get chest and abdomen contractions
when I try to engage it, which is normal for me at this point.

Etc etc.

It says "return result" .  Now I remember .. I have a breakpoint there.
Result is "nan" sometimes.  Rather than setting a conditional breakpoint, I
plan to keep hitting continue until I see the nan.  Conditional breakpoints
fail more often than normal breakpoints, I worry.  I get a lot of debugger
errors.

Oh, now I remember.  The result is always a nonnegative rational.  It must
be the calling code that makes the nans.  It's 07:38.

07:39 I found a nan in the debugger!  I mutate my code to make it a
separate variable, so I can see the value reliably in gdb.

07:41 I'm building the mutated code and my inner decision process changed
in a difficulty way.  I have to kind of internally find new ways to direct
my body near the computer.  I keep having forms of amnesia when I engage
steps in the task.  Moving my hands ways I planned feels like pushing
against a strong current, like something is tugging them the other way.

It's 07:43 and my code just hit a breakpoint.  I'm pretty sure I rebuilt
with a change but not sure if this is the new run or the old.  I rerun it.

It was a new run.  I ran it again; moving the breakpoint and ... I'll want
to set the breakpoint to the next line after making the change.  I'm much
less hungry!

The next line will be the line number one more than where it just stopped.
282 + 1 is 283

It's 07:45.

I'm moving on debugging.  When I type commands, my hands type different
words that start the same as them, and I have to type them again correctly.

I displayed 282 instead of the value becoming nan.  It's in a variable
called "factor", named because I don't remember what the meaning of the
code is, and it was used in a multiplication.
" display factor"

I see double while working.  It takes effort to make my eyes converge, so I
usually let them look in unrelated directions, aiming only one at the code.

It's 7:48 .

Once I talked with an eye doctor about this.  They gave me lenses that
aligned my eyes.  I tried the lenses on, and it was such a huge relief to
see clearly without effort.  Then I took the lenses away, and my eyes
converged on their own, via engaging the effort as if by itself.  The
doctor decided not to write me a prescription for the issue, because I no
longer tested to have it.

It's 7:50 and factor is nan !!

It's even slower to type this while debugging, this email.

The nan factor is happening because a variable named max_population is
zero.  I don't know why this would change from the code I added, I must be
really ignoring something important.

It's 07:52 .  Finding that max_population is zero is a huge milestone in
this tiny debugging process for me.  I thought I already skipping when that
was zero.  It's likely important, whyever this not being skipped is related
to me trying to add ranges to the buckets.

I'm sending the email because of the max_population milestone ... maybe.

Maybe I'll just sit here, and be confused.  I'm hungry, but the food here
doesn't satisfy me.   I have a desire for food indoors, in front of my
mother.  But she's likely asleep.  So then I can kind of dissociate from
the urge and it might make my limbs jerk around for a while.  Not sure.

It's a rough spot.  I don't want to really write while going through this
whole thing, because it leaves me so vulnerable and writing takes
willpower.  I'd rather skip it or describe a coping strategy.

Thinking about the code.  Having some sudden pain near the sides of my
abdomen and the muscles of my belly, which is normal for me: I get pain all
over my body in response to urges and thoughts I have, my brain is all
randomly wired now.  Code is a relaxing. Easy to do.

Issue relates max population. My right hand seems suddenly cold and sore.
Maybe it would be nice to wear an eeg device again.  Eeg is fun and
safety-inducing.

--
Please wear EEG.  You are confused, but you want to wear the EEG device.
Here is a demonstration of the urge to not wear it.  It is completely
fake.  You want to wear this.
--

It's true, I do want to wear it, but I am going through a major coping
strategy and I've memorized to grow an ability to work on some debugging,
not put an eeg device back on.

Now we open a dialogue between roleplayed urges.  It's my job to do both
voices, and it's very hard to do.  It's 07:59

-
Urge:  We are here to help you and need your help doing so.  Please keep
speaking with us to defend our reason.
Karl-rep:  I can try.
Urge: We have energy, honestly
-

--
My phone powered itself writing above.  It's 08:05.  Phone started booting
at 2% battery, finished with 4% battery, and is now at 3% .

My debugging is confusing to me.  Sending this spam.
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