Murrican warships dont like Russian "kiss" ;) -- Swimming Bear say "hello boys (⌐■_■)" - Tsar Bomba - "He's not the Messiah, he's just a very naughty Russian!"

[Zenaan Harkness]

So the USS John McCain "just happened" to cross 2km into Russian waters in the Gulf of Peter the Great in the Far East, twiddling their thumbs and trying to stifle a cat-eatin grin...

To check if swimming bear was awake,  I guess :)

Turns out swimming bear was in fact, awake and ready for a laugh, but captains had to keep it professional as they got on comms:

   RU: [peers through binoculars whilst on comms] "Hey!  What today kind of stupid be you?!

   US: [looks around] "What?  Who, me??"

   RU: "Yes you, idiot!  We not even turn off your GPS satellite today [chuckles] - you not only one with Israeli friends."

   US: "Ahem.  Caugh caugh.  Now, where exactly did you say we are right now?"

   RU: "I didn't you flea bitten jouvenile - which idiot made you capitán today?!."

   US: [sniggers] "Yo mama!"

   RU: "Laugh you!  But important business - do not misunderstand, this not joke: You wan't Russian navy kiss my friend?"

   US: "Yo mama enough for me..."

   RU: "Listen idiot!  Your starboard how you say, bee's DICK from my titanium reinforced bow."

   US: [gulps] "Hey hey, nope, definitely not wanting that Russian kiss my friend." [starts to steam to neutral waters]

   RU: "You make good choice today - might not be 1988, but 'yo mama' remembers it well.  Hey hey."



   Rare Footage Shows Russian Warship 'Chasing' US Destroyer In Border Incident
   https://www.almasdarnews.com/article/video-footage-shows-russian-warship-following-us-destroyer-before-stopping-vessel/
   https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/rare-footage-shows-russian-warship-chasing-us-destroyer-border-incident



A reminder of 1988:
   USS Caron getting rammed by the Russians in the Black Sea - Feb 1988
   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4jQhnXrWbg




On Sat, Aug 29, 2020 at 02:50:44PM +1000, Zenaan Harkness wrote:
> Another cypherpunks bedtime story:
> 
> 
>               Peek A Boo, Peek A Boo
> 
>       'Swimming Bear and The Little Hummer Boy'
>             (C) Anonymous & Swimming Bear
> 
>       "Who's afraid o' the big friendly bear..."
> 
> 
>    "Hello boys" said the big friendly bear as he knocked on the back door.
> 
>    "What bear?!" said a surprised and mildly frightened hummer boy.
> 
>    "Just me, your local ICBM delivery agent" said Swimming Bear as he
>    peeked his enormous head above the black silky waters off the Alaskan
>    coast ...
> 
>    "But momma that's scary, I thought you said he was a friendly bear?!!"
> 
>    "Oh but he -is- a friendly bear my little hummer boy, he's just checking
>    the back door to make sure it's locked," said momma.
> 
>    "But momma, but momma, the bear has claws and an ICBM in its belly?!!"
> 
>    "Shush now little hummer boy, you sleep well now, momma needs to get
>    some milk and cookies for the bear, to keep his belly happy" said momma.
> 
>    "OK momma, I'll pray for the friendly bear," said the Little Hummer Boy
>    as his quickening heart settled down.
> 
>    "Sleep well my darling," said momma.
> 
> 
> 
>    American Fishing Vessels Spooked As Russian Nuclear Submarine Surfaces Near Alaska
>    https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/american-fishing-vessels-spooked-russian-nuclear-submarine-surfaces-near-alaska
> 
>       ... The military games took place in the Bering Sea and surprisingly involved over 50 warships and some 40 aircraft. The significant size given the location will surely be seen as a provocation by Washington, in a region which over the past year has seen multiple NORAD jets scrambled to intercept Russian long-range bombers coming too near Alaska's coast.
>       https://apnews.com/1f6c6dceba65e893aeeee9dfa814ef8f
> 
>       ... The HQ of @NORADCommand and @USNorthernCmd are closely monitoring the Russian submarine that surfaced near Alaska today. We closely track vessels of interest, including foreign military naval vessels, in our area of responsibility.
>               — U.S. Northern Command (@USNorthernCmd) August 27, 2020
> 
>       ...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> On Tue, Aug 25, 2020 at 03:27:50PM +1000, Zenaan Harkness wrote:
> > Ho ho, those crazy Russians, hey :D
> > 
> >    Video: Russia’s Rosatom Releases New Footage of Tsar Bomba, World’s Most Powerful Nuclear Bomb
> >    https://sputniknews.com/russia/202008241080266347-video-russias-rosatom-releases-new-footage-of-tsar-bomba-worlds-most-powerful-nuclear-bomb/
> >       ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbC7BxXtOlo
> > 
> >       ... To give an idea of this bomb’s power, consider that the United States’ most powerful bomb, the Castle Bravo test in 1952, was at most 22 megatons, and the bomb that destroyed the Japanese city of Hiroshima in 1945 was just 16 kilotons - in other words, Tsar Bomba was about 1,325 times stronger. Its incredible power came from nuclear fusion, the same energy-producing reaction that powers the sun.
> > 
> >       ...
> > 
> > 
> > No more vodka for YOU-ski - at least not while testing these puppies  :D
> > 
> > Speaking of vodka and Russians, very positive signs in the direction of health and happiness:
> > 
> >    No more vodka for young Russians
> >    https://www.rbth.com/lifestyle/328905-no-vodka-young-russians
> >       [Totally non-skanky pic of 2 young lasses not attached.]
> >        Russians are gradually losing one of their most famous characteristics: They’ve stopped drinking! Vodka and the average Russian used to be the closest of friends, but in recent years they’ve gone different ways.
> >        "It has already been two weeks since the start of my grand reality show/social experiment: 30 days without alcohol,” says 28-year-old YouTuber Yuri Khovansky into his webcam. “Two weeks ago I stopped drinking.” Khovansky enjoys a certain scandalous popularity and has a reputation for being a heavy drinker with a glass of beer in his hand at all times. Nearly 3.5 million subscribers watched his experiment in going sober.
> >        "First of all, sh**t, guys, these haves been the two fullest weeks of my life!" Khovansky begins his story about going without alcohol. Back then he did not know that he would end up staying sober for 90 days—three times longer than he had initially planned.
> >        Statistics
> >        Judging by the existing research, these days Russia as a whole consumes almost 80 percent less alcohol than it did five to seven years ago.
> >        ...
> > 
> > 
> > 
> >    Alcohol consumption in Russia
> >    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_consumption_in_Russia
> >       According to a 2011 report by the World Health Organization, annual per capita consumption of alcohol in Russia was about 15.76 litres, the fourth-highest volume in Europe. It has dropped to less than 10 litres as of 2019.[1]
> > 
> > 
> > 
> >    Vodka no longer in top 50 items sold in Russian alcohol stores – time to retire tired & outdated Russian drinking stereotypes?
> >    18 Aug, 2020 19:38
> >    https://www.rt.com/russia/498339-vodka-popularity-russian-shops/
> >        In the first seven months of 2020, Russians were less likely to buy vodka, preferring to purchase other drinks - primarily beer - in alcohol stores, according to the analytical department of cashback company CheckScan.
> > 
> >        By studying 130,000 receipts from two of Russia’s most popular liquor chains, ‘Krasnoe & Beloe’ and ‘Bristol’, the analysts discovered that Russians have turned towards beer as their beverage of choice. From January to July, the golden brew took the top spot in alcoholic rankings every single month, with the old Soviet-era staple, vodka, failing to even make the top 50. 
> > 
> >        We are now a long way from 1980s and 1990s stereotypes about drunken Russian guzzling down the traditional hard liquor. Today, Russians drink less alcohol than Germans and the emerge of a cafe and pub culture has changed social habits, especially with craft beer becoming increasingly fashionable.  
> > 
> >        Perhaps unsurprisingly, medical masks became the most popular item bought for 2020, selling at a faster rate than all alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks.
> >        ...
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > On Fri, Jul 24, 2020 at 07:13:54PM +1000, Zig the N.g wrote:
> > > >From "explosive" reports (yeah, yeah...) just now see below, to spies purportedly running around with nerve-poison spray bottles (Novichok and the Skripal hoax), to entire legislative regimes built on the back of lies, theft and murder (the Magnitsky Act), the UK's Ministry of Truth and their lackeys in the cucked and compromised ABC of Australia are hard at work blaming Russians for everything in sight.
> > > 
> > > Russians have supposedly 'not only come to town, they've meddled their way to total domination of all of the West' and "must therefore be" the cause of all our ills and our imminent demise, which is of course all so farcical it could never be used even for a B-rated movie plot, yet we continue to be fed this shit week after week, year after year!
> > > 
> > > This is all so, so pathetic.  Western "leaders", that is, any and all politicians who are compromised, ought step down immediately, for the possible redemption of their own Souls.
> > > 
> > > 
> > > The latest circus show culminating in the last few days is the UK's own demon rats casting endless aspersions against "RUSSIA!!!" (I know, I know, "how truly original") - just check out this 'funny' headline (funny if it weren't so shitty for our relationship with our Russian brothers):
> > > 
> > >    While Britain looked for terrorists under the bed, Russia took over the house
> > >       Posted Yesterday at 3:28am, updated Yesterday at 10:42am
> > >       2020-07-23
> > >    https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-07-23/uk-counterintelligence-focus-on-terrorism-not-russian-spies/12482108
> > >    A new report exposes how Russian spies infiltrated the UK
> > > 
> > > 
> > > … and plenty more (actually it's so weak, so pathetic and so bad, that it's just sad):
> > > 
> > >    Long-awaited Russia report says UK Government failed to investigate Kremlin interference in Brexit
> > >    https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-07-21/uk-releases-report-into-russian-political-interference/12478766
> > > 
> > > 
> > > 
> > > You know, what's most pathetic is the West's eternal "need" to blame someone, in almost all cases Putin, or Russia, or Putin's Russia, often times "the Putin regime", and occasionally also "the Russian regime under Putin", or often enough some combination of these.
> > > 
> > > And what's most irritating about this latest bunch o' bullshit from the Ministry's spin rats in the UK in the above "explosive report" and endless droning "Putin dunnit" articles, is that the UK is perhaps the world's largest money laundering capital, whilst proclaiming to wear a halo (!):
> > > 
> > >    Dirty money or dirty politics? UK hypocrisy over ‘Russian oligarchs’
> > >    https://www.rt.com/op-ed/424471-oligarchs-uk-russian-money/
> > >        According to Russia’s Prosecutor General, 61 criminals who stole up to $10 billion in Russia are enjoying life in the UK. Britain claims to be concerned about ‘dirty money,’ but has rejected requests from Moscow for extradition.
> > >        It was the financial heist of the century. The looting of Soviet Russia’s wealth by a group of well-connected oligarchs in the 1990s enriched a tiny few, but impoverished vast swathes of the country’s population. The foundations for this massive, reverse-Robin-Hood redistribution of wealth were laid with Gorbachev’s ‘restructuring’ economic reforms of the late 80s. However, the process reached its peak under Boris Yeltsin.
> > >        READ MORE: Russia to Britain: 'You can keep the criminals, but return the money'
> > >        https://www.rt.com/business/423552-russia-extradition-money-uk/
> > >        ...
> > > 
> > > 
> > > Lé Mérchánt is Lé very Lé Háppí of course.  Ahh, the wicked webs we weave in the wicked web weaving Western web weaver's wick.
> > > 
> > > It really is sad, and so we continue with our "one step forward, nine tenths of a step back" reality for the time being.
> > > 
> > > The nihilist "freedom from some external evil" is so, so tiresome.  The desperate "Western" yearning for evil regimes to oppose, which are so dastardly (supposedly Putin), so malevolent towards "our values" (supposedly Russia and her family friendly approach to advertising), so irredeemably black and nefarious that they just might begin to make us Westerners look 'OK', possibly may be acceptable to ourselves 'in comparison'.
> > > 
> > > Western "leaders" push out forced smiles and strained cackles of "muh human rights" as though they actually know something about what human rights actually are …
> > > 
> > > 
> > > 
> > > 
> > > 
> > > On Tue, Jun 23, 2020 at 02:01:15PM +1000, Zig the N.g wrote:
> > > > Who knew bears ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ could swim?
> > > > 
> > > >        ▄▌▐▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▌
> > > >     ▄▄██▌█ TOOT TOOT
> > > >  ▄▄▄▌▐██▌█ ICBM DELIVERY   ʕ⌐■_■ʔ
> > > >  ███████▌█▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▌
> > > >  ▀(@)▀▀▀▀▀▀▀(@)(@)▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀(@)(@)▀
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > Impressive stuff:
> > > > 
> > > >    Russia's Newest Cutting Edge Submarine, the Super-Quiet, Nuke Carrying 'Prince Vladimir'
> > > >    https://russia-insider.com/en/cool-video-russias-newest-cutting-edge-submarine-supe-quiet-nuke-carrying-prince-vladimir/ri30674
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > And a good collection of ASCII 'moticonicons - check out #825 :
> > > > 
> > > >    List of All ASCII Emoticons
> > > >    https://upli.st/l/list-of-all-ascii-emoticons
> > > > 
> > > >    https://yandex.com/images/search?text=russian%20ascii%20tart
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > ----- Forwarded message -----
> > > > > For some reason, American military personnel always seem to be looking for "more action", actually I mean "more paperwork".  HA!
> > > > > 
> > > > > 
> > > > >   US wingman to pilot: "Do NOT look directly up!"
> > > > > 
> > > > >   US pilot looks directly up: "OHH, SHEEIT!"
> > > > > 
> > > > >   US Wingman: "More f#@kin paperwork!"
> > > > > 
> > > > > 
> > > > > Russkies Go Wild, inverted in fact.  Literally inverted, dancing the midday clouds.  Yeah, baby!  :D
> > > > > 
> > > > > Gringos gettin' "really quite frustrated" and the Pentagon "blasted" the Russian show-off "Red menace's" for "activity", apparently activity in the skies of the Mediterranean sea :D
> > > > > 
> > > > > [suitable pics in original article, not attached]
> > > > > 
> > > > > On this particular occasion, the Russian pilot considered sharing his 4 litre "8 shots" vodka bottle with the Americans, but figured the wind force on his airplane canopy might make it hard to hold that canopy open - at 900 km per hour.  Also, passing a vodka bottle between jet planes whilst inverted may have caused some of the vodka to spill, which was an intolerable likelihood.  Apparently.
> > > > > 
> > > > > 
> > > > >   Russian Jet Buzzes US Navy Plane In High-Speed 'Inverted Maneuver' Over Mediterranean
> > > > >   https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/russian-jet-buzzes-us-navy-plane-high-speed-inverted-maneuver-over-mediterranean
> > > > > 
> > > > >       .. “The U.S. aircraft was operating consistent with international law and did not provoke this Russian activity,” the statement added.
> > > > >       ..
> > > > > 
> > > > > 
> > > > > 
> > > > > Yeah, yeah, fill in your paperwork already :) :)
> > > > > 
> > > > > 
> > > > > 
> > > > > On Thu, Feb 20, 2020 at 11:43:41AM +1100, Zig the N.g wrote:
> > > > > > Gets a little crazy on the roads o' Raqqa, muh stucco muffas :)
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > How it truly went down:
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   US0: "These fuckin' Syrians put a fuckin' country round our oil field - how DARE they!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   US1: "Yeah, fuckin' sand niggers!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   [Russkie's literally start to approach on highway, from behind.]
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU0: "Ho, boys! Amerikanski oil "protectors" ahead. What do we?"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU1: "Ohoh! Drift this Tigr, baby - We's Baaaack!!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   [serious literal military vehicle fast and furious ensues - see links below]
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   [Russkies take first hummer, start hunting down second...]
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   US0: "Muthufuckas! We got Russkies, lads, hang on tight!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   [US2-4 happy they remembered "low frequency protection unit" adult diapers this morning.]
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU0: "YEEEEE HAAAAAAW FIRETRUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!!!!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   US1: [death gripping handle bar] "Oahhhh shiiiiit - why you driving offroaoad, buddy?!#!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   US0: "Don't be a fuckin nigger! I think she'll make it - roadside don't look too fuckin rough."
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU1: [grinning madly out side window at US hummer boys]
> > > > > >        "Baby, yeah! Lose you we will!"
> > > > > >        [to Ru0:] "SHIT! Watch locals, brutha!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   [Russians narrowly miss a local who jumps out of the way]
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU0: "May be lose them, but anuddah Oil thief pass we must!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU1: "NO breaks, brutha! Do your copyright 'Boris Oil Thief Wedgy' manouver! Baby, yeah!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU0: "Got it, brutha!" [hits accelerator hard, wedges all 3 vehicles as they come to screaming halt]
> > > > > >   [poetic license, not quite what actually happened, but part of upcoming movie script]
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   US0: "HEY MUTHAFUCKAS WHAT THE FUCKIN FUCK ARE YA DOING!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   US1: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK - Fucking PAPERWORK! FUCK YOU RUSSKIE!!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU0: [cracks a 4L vodka bottle] "Here, drink have you, brutha!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   RU1: [with huge cat eatin grin] "Awww, done cry little oil thief! Vodka take your paperwork away - HA HA HAAAA!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > >   US0+1: "FUCK!!!"
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > [See second 'tube below for Syrian villagers warmly welcoming American "democracy bringers" - with multiple gun shots :D]
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > ----- Forwarded message -----
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2020 11:12:28 +1100
> > > > > > Subject: Raqqa drift! Oh yeah :D
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > Enjoy ;)
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/bizarre-road-rage-among-superpowers-incident-syria-caught-film
> > > > > > 
> > > > > > ----- End forwarded message -----
> > > > >